Another Compelling Reason Not To Watch
“Flush with cash, Tories ramp up TV ad campaign”
– Globe and Mail
Now, It’s Considered An Electric Hedgehog
“Room for improvement
CIBC profit plunges 91% in quarter on US subprime losses, but investors appear relieved”
– Toronto Star
“A $900-million writedown was once considered a bad thing”
– Globe and Mail
McCain Supporters Are Fine – Only McCain Himself Needs To Be Hospitalized
“Obama supporters Bernie Mac, Morgan Freeman hospitalized”
– Los Angeles Times headline
The Mob Is Getting Sloppy – Dead Bodies Should Be Found In Compost Bins
“Man’s body found inside recycling bin”
– Toronto Star
Because Ordinary People Don’t Hit Their Marks, Don’t Pick Up Their Cues Fast Enough And Look Funny On Camera
“Stars line up to honour stars”
– Toronto Star (oddly enough)
Salmonella?
“Ditching frosty
Living fridge-free for a year connects me to the true source of life”
– NOW
That May Be, But I Don’t Think Hoping For A Republican Convention To Happen At The Same Time As A Hurricane Is A Sustainable Disaster Relief Strategy
“‘It’s a lot better than last time’
New Orleans family anxiously waits for news as they hole up in a Florida church”
– Toronto Star
They Obviously Haven’t Heard About The Electric Hedgehog
“Sub-prime fallout not over: HSBC”
– Globe and Mail
The Guy Who Lives In The Bus Shelter At Bloor And University Would Be Happy To – But, First, He Must Remember What He Did With His Pants
“Who will stand up for Ontario?”
– Toronto Star front page editorial about the federal election call
Post Headline Writer Channels Kama Sutra!
“The triple-decker sandwich generation”
– National Post
When Did CONfidence Become a GAME?
“US mortgage-firm bailout aims to restore confidence”
– Globe and Mail
Marriage? Mortadella? Macarena?
“Harper advised to avoid the “M” word”
– Toronto Star
Globe Headline Writer Channels Book Of Revelations!
“Dion’s Green Plan Would ‘Wreak Havoc'”
– Globe and Mail
They Should Have To Stay After School And Write, “I Will Not Pretend Deadly Force Isn’t” 50 Times On The Blackboard
“RCMP didn’t do homework on Taser use, report charges”
– Toronto Star
When They Verbally Abuse Women Going Into Abortion Clinics, They’re Wearing Smiley Face T-shirts
“The new (softer) face of America’s pro-life movement”
– National Post
While Pessimism Enjoys Its Night At The Brothel
“Optimism gets ‘a cold shower’ in September”
– Globe and Mail
Eighty-four Billion, To Be Exact
“AIG takes number in bailout queue”
– Globe and Mail
The Maelstrom Sure Cleaned A Lot Of People Of Their Jobs
“Lehman a cleansing maelstrom”
– Toronto Star
“Lehman carnage: Say fired 25,000 times
Firm’s demise puts many on the street”
– Globe and Mail
Gasp! He Said The “M” Word! Doesn’t He Know That Children Could See That Headline?
“A majority is not to be feared, Harper says”
– Toronto Star
Because Goths Never Die?
“Gothic is back. Gothic is black
Why does goth fashion never die?”
– National Post
Next Time You Take The Family Car Without Permission, Explain To Your Parents That You Obeyed All The Rules Of The Road And See How Far THAT Gets You
“Probe clears Canadian troops in killing of two Afghan children
Soldiers followed ‘escalation of force’ procedures when they shot civilian vehicle that failed to stop”
– Toronto Star
Somebody Finally Uncover All The Mirrors In The White House?
“US looks to attack root of financial crisis”
– Globe and Mail
They’re Not New And They’re Not Kids, Although The Venues They Play Are The Size Of A Block
“New Kids prove they have all the right stuff”
– Toronto Star
Spend A Lot Of Time Working On Your Metaphors, Do You?
“The mess may be mopped up, but the floor’s still slippery”
– Globe and Mail
Especially If You Would Prefer To Eat…For A Few Months
“You don’t need to spend $2,000 on a suit”
– National Post
Seven Hundred Million Dollars Would Make Me Feel Pretty Darn Good, Too (What Do You Think The Odds Are That The Government Will Give It To Me?)
“Massive gain caps week of market pain”
– Globe and Mail
Mission Accomplished!
“‘I didn’t go into politics to be loved.'”
– Stephen Harper, quoted in a headline in the National Post
If You’re A Bailed Out Banker, It’s An Opportunity; If You’re Anybody Else, It’s A Calamity
“Calamity or opportunity?
It’s all in your point of view”
– Globe and Mail