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Headlines Were Too Drunk To Be Discreet

It Might Be Easier For Them To Enjoy Sausage Links


“Going beyond golf’s established white, high-earning male base”

Toronto Star

Links to the future
For many Indigenous Canadians, golf can provide opportunities economically and bridge cultural divides – when the sport can transcend its ‘sordid past with elitism”


Toronto Star


Those Punctuation Marks Are Soooo Last Century!
Have Your Headline Writers Never Heard Of Emojis?


“‘!**@!!! TTC’: A century later, riders still not entirely happy”

Toronto Star


I Would Be More Sympathetic To Your Argument If It Hadn’t Been Made In Prose


“Why Poetry Is So Crucial Right Now”

New York Times


Although Some People Find Setting Themselves On Fire Easier


“Repayment strategy the quickest way to cut debt”

Toronto Star


Cleaning Its Poop A Teachable Moment


“Massive elephant to be found in the schoolroom”

Toronto Star


BB And Ray (Almost An Homage To Comedy Legends. Almost)


“O’Toole won’t say which guns he’d ban”

Toronto Star


Canada Will Settle For Leaders Who Stumble Upon The Right Thing Every So Often
Canada Will Get: Leaders Who Can’t Quite Control Their Drool When They Smash Things


“Canada needs wise leaders with a strong moral compass”

Toronto Star


Be A Shame If Something Happened To Them.
If They Just…Broke.
Things Just…Break All The Time.
It’d Be A Real Shame…


“Staycations Are Popular.
Maybe a Bit Too Popular.”

New York Times


Home Prices Apparently Raise Themselves


“Foreign buyers not the problem in our housing crisis”

Toronto Star


Normal Says: “Take A Picture – It’ll Last Longer!”


“Like most, Cineplex eyes return to normal”

Toronto Star


Nobody Thought The Pretty But Flighty Caucus Would Ever Write Coherent Legislation, Much Less Get It Passed


“Butterflies win in congressional bill”

Toronto Star


It’s Good Training For Parenthood


“Be sure to socialize your new puppy”

Toronto Star


Unexpected Side Effect Of Combining Jazz And Spongebob Squarepants Theme


“Laser Fusion Experiment Unleashes a Burst of Optimism”

New York Times


Unfortunately, It’s Running A Distant Third Behind Greed And Stupidity


“In a time of climate crisis, nature needs your vote”

Toronto Star


STEP ONE: Elect An Indigenous Government


“How our next government can heal Indigenous ties”

Toronto Star


So, Death Threats Are Unacceptable?
Well, There Goes My Tuesday!


“Heckling is a Canadian tradition, but it has limits”

Toronto Star


They’re Not Trivial For Voters, Either


“Stakes high for parties”

Toronto Star


You Wouldn’t Like The Bees In Our Brains When They’re Angry…


“36 films that shook our hive”

Toronto Star


Aah, So Supply And Demand Curves Do Apply To SOME Labour Markets


“Hedge funds pay $300K to get best graduates”

Toronto Star


Ask: “Have We Been Taken To The North Pole By Mistake? You Know We Don’t Believe In Santa Clause, Don’t You?”


“New Refugees Face a Colder U.S. Welcome”

New York Times


Said The Split Was Amicable
(None Of Their Friends Believed Them)


“Interest and inflation have gone separate ways”

Toronto Star


Marinate Privilege in Steak Sauce And Rage Overnight
Cook At A High Temperature Until Violence Comes To A Boil


“Vaccine mandates are a recipe for social unrest”

Toronto Star


That’s Humanity For You: Always Kicking The Can Down The Street


“Emotional decisions can lead to regret”

Toronto Star

“The quest to beat the next pandemic can’t start soon enough”


Toronto Star

“Growth is slowing, StatCan reports
Data show economy can quickly bounce back after lockdowns, expert says”


Toronto Star

“Can’t call nurses heroes and then limit their pay hike”


Toronto Star

“Mountains That Can Keep Their Own Secrets”


New York Times

“Don’t be ageist in assuming seniors can’t use the internet”


Toronto Star

“Disappointed Ontario has own climate plan in mind
Province argues it can fight emissions, protect economy at the same time”


Toronto Star

“Barbers, salons ask why they can’t open
Businesses question why massages are OK, but haircuts are still off limits”


Toronto Star

“No rule can tell you when, or whether, to get a divorce”


Toronto Star

Tesla: Even the electric-car maker’s biggest fans can’t bear to swallow the bullish scenario”


Globe and Mail

“When it cares, state can act pretty fast”


Toronto Star

“Owners can’t control pit bulls’ unpredictable aggression”


Toronto Star

“Mutual funds can offer benefits ETFs have yet to match”


Toronto Star

“‘Success cannot be obtained without struggle”


Toronto Star

“Pandemic has disconnected us from those casual conversations
The random interactions that bind us to our communities can also make us healthier”


Toronto Star

“Ottawa can’t take middle road on reconciliation”


Toronto Star

If The Right Gets Its Way, Rare Whooping Coughs Will, Too


“Rare whooping cranes fly again”

Toronto Star


On The Other Hand, If You Die Of COVID, Infertility Will Be The Least Of Your Problems


“COVID shot won’t make you infertile”

Toronto Star


Although, Given Their Resources, It Landed More Like A Gentle Tap On The Shoulder


“Climate Change Hits the Rich”

New York Times


Police Officers Were Wearing Asbestos Uniforms At The Time


“Woman arrested in house fire”

Toronto Star


But, I Really Needed 27 Crates Of Hair Spray!


“Are you revenge spending? Don’t make matters worse”

Toronto Star


But, It’s In The Charter Of Rights And Freedoms, Right After The Clause About My Right To Make Smoothies Out Of Black-footed Ferrets!


“Your ‘right’ to be unvaccinated doesn’t trump my health”

Toronto Star


Safe Passage Into A War Zone Isn’t All That Safe


“Quebec students to wear masks, but not in the classroom
Coverings required on buses and in common areas inside schools”

Toronto Star


At Least We’ll Have A Movie To Bear Witness When They’re Gone


“For Amish, it’s God’s will and herd immunity”

Toronto Star


And, Unlike Parks, They Keep Out The Riff Raff!


“Golf courses supply vital green space for the city”

Toronto Star


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