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Headlines Needed a Republican-to-Reality Translator

The Purina Seafood Medley Is Especially Tempting


“More are turning to Dollarama for food”

Toronto Star


Putin Declares: “Russia Will Fight To The Last Afghan Mercenary!”


“Zelenskyy returns amid relentless Russian strikes
Moscow warns war will end only when military goals are met”

Toronto Star


How Can You Say That? Are You One Of Those Christmas Haters I’m Always Hearing About?
I Hope You Enjoy The Coal You Get In Your Stocking!


“Not a wonderful time of year for all”

Toronto Star


Oh. Well…Yeah, There’s That


“Holiday time tends to highlight loss”

Toronto Star


What Do You Mean, Sending It Flowers Won’t Help?


“Mending broken relationship with nature”

Toronto Star


Enthusiastic Tap Dancing, Perhaps, But Not Trampling
Never Trampling


“Ford denies ‘trampling on democracy'”

Toronto Star


I’m Thinking It Has Something To Do With Not Going Out Of Town For The Holidays, But I May Be Missing Something…


“What it means to be ‘home for Christmas'”

Toronto Star


Mad, Bad And Dangerous To Know Cow Disease?
Biden Derangement Syndrome?
Sunspots?
Theories Are Easy; Something That Actually Explains His Behaviour, On The Other Hand…


“A Theory to Explain Elon Musk”

New York Times


Life Isn’t Disappointing Enough


“Most U.S. voters want JFK records released”

Toronto Star


Humans Need To Accept That Workplaces Don’t Care About Their Health


“Workplaces need to accept that humans get sick”

Toronto Star


There’s Plenty Of Time To Be Sick The Rest Of The Year


“Avoid getting sick for holidays”

Toronto Star


A Little Salt In The Fireplace Goes A Long Way


“Selling your home? Season lightly”

Toronto Star


Only A Few Hundred Thousand Left In The Middle Class
He Should Make Short Work Of Them


“Macklem’s work nearly done”

Toronto Star


With No Opportunity For Any Of Our Players To Move Up To The Bigs


“With new law, Toronto joins minor leagues of democracy”

Toronto Star


Asked And Answered
…Unfortunately


“Are we committed to protecting forests?”

Toronto Star

“Developers destroy wetlands and farmlands”


Toronto Star


That Christmas Turkey Leg COULD Have Walked Off On Its Own
Although It Would Have Been More Of A Hop, Really…


“Be careful about accusing kin of theft”

Toronto Star


You Want: The Rolling Stones
You Need: Weird Al


“I didn’t want to, but part of me felt like being bad”

Toronto Star

“When ‘civilized’ people are clearly in need of civilizing”


Toronto Star

“Canada wants to host the 2030 Games – whether you like it or not”


Globe and Mail

“Poilievre needs to cool down his mob”


Toronto Star

Staycation tax credit not staying
Tourism industry wanted provincial travel promotion permanent”


Toronto Star

“To get rid of hateful behaviour, we need solutions, not laws”


Toronto Star

“Travel industry wants end to testing”


Toronto Star

“Recycling industry needs proper oversight body”


Toronto Star

“PM wants us to trust government. Hmmm”


Toronto Star

“Ford needs to keep promise on Greenbelt”


Toronto Star


It Wouldn’t Be, Except Developers Ate Doug Ford’s Brain
(It Was More Of A Snack Than A Meal)


“Ontario Place deal shouldn’t be a secret”

Toronto Star


Over Generations, Our Skin Will Darken, And We’ll Have To Learn To Hate Ourselves


“How Extreme Heat Will Change Our Lives”

New York Times


Prime Minister Calls For Fewer Tax Cuts


“Premiers call for more health funding”

Toronto Star


At Their Funerals


“Unvaccinated contract workers recalled”

Toronto Star


Even If We Have To Save Them From Us?


“We must show leadership in saving species”

Toronto Star


And Enough Sense Not To Represent Donald Trump


“Courtroom dogs have special skills”

Toronto Star


You’re Going To Owe Money For That Long Anyway, So You May As Well Make It Official


“Increase amortization from 25 to 30 years”

Toronto Star


But, Hey, Even If They Don’t, I Have Ways Of Getting What I Want, So It’s All Good


Rooming house debate to reopen at city hall
Mayor confident council will vote for legalization”

Toronto Star


Business Professors Sigh In Exasperation – There’s One In Every Freshman Class!


“Business Students Rethink Capitalism”

New York Times


Unlike All Of The Tabloid Articles About The Couple, Which Were Models Of Fair And Balanced Reporting


“A very one-sided point of view
‘Harry & Meghan’ series makes no attempt at balance”

Toronto Star


When People Can Afford Food, They Don’t Have To Steal It – Who Knew?


“Grocery shoplifting rises with inflation”

Toronto Star


We Must Not Answer: By Only Sending Them To Necessary Wars


“We must ask how we can help our soldiers”

Toronto Star


That’s What Pharma Companies Are Afraid Of


“Preventing illness cheaper than cure”

Toronto Star


And We’ll Keep Telling Ourselves That Until We Stop Sobbing About The Midterm Election Results


“GOP’s Hunter Biden probe is legit”

Toronto Sun


Except China – Good Thing It’s Not A Big Market


“‘Avatar’ a hit with moviegoers globally”

Toronto Star


As Everybody Knows, You Can’t Have Outrage Without An Outage


Blizzard causes mass outages
Thousands in the dark as winter storm blankets much of southern Ontario”

Toronto Star


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