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Headlines Just Wanted You to Know

Your Own Personal Apocalypse – Now In Liquid Form!


“Don’t settle for a G&T – order the Four Horsemen instead”

Globe and Mail


Painters Who Do Not Get Enough Attention Are Expected To Fall On Their Putty Knives


“Failure’s not an option for Canada at art event”

Toronto Star


Believes Setting Tap Water On Fire Can Be Done Much More Efficiently


“Industry giant GE aims to improve fracking”

Globe and Mail


All This Media, And Some People Still Don’t Get The News


“Mobilicity makes plea for aid
Wireless company asks government for financial concessions in new sign of trouble among small carriers”

Globe and Mail

“BCE, Astral to argue bigger is still better”


Globe and Mail, next page


Only Three People In The World Can Afford It, And Two Were Warned By Their Doctors That The Cholesterol Would Kill Them


“The most decadent oyster dish ever”

Globe and Mail


Imagine How They’ll Feel When There Is Certainty


“An angry Cypress vents amid cloud of uncertainty”

Globe and Mail


If You Had Been Run Over By A Reindeer, You Might Be A Tad Touchy, Too!


“Grandma’s got a mean streak”

Toronto Sun


Fair Enough – Calling Them Tar Sands Would Have Made The Headline Too Long…


“U.S. Defense Department stands by its oil sands fuel”

Globe and Mail


You Know The Term “Smokin’ Hot” Is Just A Metaphor…Right?


“Where there’s smoke, there’s strippers”

Toronto Sun


A Blank Page


“DIY beauty tips for spring brides”

– Globe and Mail


Chief Responds, “Yeah, Sure, Whatevs”


“Chief told to report police who lie”

Toronto Star


When Did The Globe Become Cosmo?


“Wedded to marriage – at least in principle”

– Globe and Mail

“The case for a new Mrs. degree
University may be the best place to meet your match, but should young women plan to major in marriage?”


Globe and Mail


If There Was Only Some Explanation For Our Current Economic Malaise…Some Data That Would Make Sense Of It…Anything At All…


“Canada’s super-rich set to grow almost 35 per cent, report finds”

Toronto Star

“Youth, long-term jobless left behind, report says”


Toronto Star


Yes. Very Much
And, It’s A Pain Not Covered By OHIP


“Would it hurt our PMs to respect each other?”

Globe and Mail


Because After The Poor Sell The Picasso, They Can Buy Food With The Proceeds


“Fixing a frayed social safety net with art”

Toronto Star


Just Another He Said/The System Said Argument That Can Never Be Resolved


“Rape suspect hanged himself, jail officials say”

Globe and Mail

“Gang-rape suspect was killed, family says”


Toronto Star


Starts By Kicking Republicans


“Obama looks to kickstart budget talks”

Globe and Mail


Americans Only Mildly Inconvenienced?


“BOSTON BOMBINGS
Canadians endure bloody chaos”

Toronto Star


Not Much Of A Secret, Was It?


“Chris Christie secretly has weight-loss surgery”

Globe and Mail


Executive Bonuses Helped Them Cope With The Pain


“Putting profit over clients hurt Barclays, report finds”

International Herald Tribune


I’d Feel Safer If They Took Off Their Shoes And Belts


“Police board open to armed officers at Billy Bishop”

Globe and Mail

“Private police nixed for island airport”


Toronto Star


Just To Be Clear: That Would Be A Different Bottle That Got You Damned In The First Place, Right?


“Absolution in a bottle”

Globe and Mail


Should Spend More Time Blocking Proposals, Less Time Making Them


Ford ‘not impressed’ with preem
Mayor looking for transit leadership”

Toronto Sun


It’s Name Is A Mildly Disgusting Sound?


“A drastic diet and makeover can’t disguise BRP’s biggest weakness”

Globe and Mail


We’re Sure They Regret Their Eror


“Claims far exceed assests”

Toronto Star

“Sandberg’s solution: Lean in, and lead on
Facebook’s chief operating offer has sparked a fevered argument for suggesting women need to be more fearless in their careers”


Globe and Mail

“Alleged pot growers accused of beastiality”


Toronto Sun

“Language wars have PQ taking flack from both sides”


Toronto Star

“Off the bike, and the pedastal”


Globe and Mail

“Just out of prision, Drabinsky looks to rebuild his career”


Toronto Star

“Ambert Alert called off”


Toronto Sun

“Ivestors remain skittish even after Dow’s quick rebound”


Globe and Mail

“Wynne nwo offering to release all documents on gas-plant issue”


Toronto Star

“Exporters braces for U.S. budget fallout”


Globe and Mail

“Campus safety vs. human rights
Ex-Senaca student takes case to the human rights tribunal, saying he shouldn’t have been kicked out for behaviour related to mental-health issues”


Toronto Star

“Brother’s childhood defined by Chechen conflict
Vastly outgunned military leader spoke openly of jihad and argued all taftics were admissible in war”


Globe and Mail

“Correrction”


Toronto Sun


Are You Intentionally Trying To Confuse Me?!


“Expect the unexpected”

Globe and Mail


If You Want Drama, Go To A Clothing Store


“People go to plays ‘for the clothes'”

Toronto Star


Outside Of No Smoking Areas, Of Course


“Employers fume as Ottawa tightens rules”

Globe and Mail


Duh, Me No Understand…


“You have to love the left
Many of my critics are, forgive me, just plain stupid”

Toronto Sun


They Were Running Out Of Targets For Shooting Practice, Plan To Print Them On The Back


“Israelis welcome revised Arab peace plan”

Globe and Mail


As For The Uranium…


“Uranium stocks: No longer radioactive”

Globe and Mail


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