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Headlines Just Couldn’t

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That Explains The Large Tubes Containing Red Pigments That Date Back To The Late Cretaceous Era


“T. rex likely had lips, research suggests”

Toronto Star


Humanity Hasn’t Been Genetically Engineered To Exist On Sunlight, So We Still Need Food


“Metro reports profits up 10%
Retailer launching loyalty program to gain insight into shopping patterns”

Toronto Star


And That’s Just In American Grade Schools!


“Report alleges culture of fear”

Toronto Star


Stop Beating Locals With Your Stiff Upper Lips!


“Amsterdam Warns Rowdy Brits”

New York Times


And Now That Star Trek: Picard Is Over, He’s Free To Run!
We’ll Just Handwave The Whole Citizenship Question…


“Stewart an inspired choice to take on Trump in ’24”

Toronto Star


He Forgot To Add: “…Up To Corporations. The Platter May No Longer Be Silver, But It Still Serves Its Purpose…”


“‘I will never stop serving Canada’
O’Toole to resign as Durham MP, won’t seek re-election”

Toronto Star


Where Have We Heard THAT Before?


“NDP must learn from the past”

Toronto Star


Boooooo-ring!
Now, If The Headline Had Read, “Pope Ate Baby, Baptized Pizza While In Hospital,” THAT Would Have Gotten My Attention!


“Pope ate pizza, baptized baby while in hospital”

Toronto Star


Chamber Of Commerce Last Thing Economy Needs Ever, Union Says


“CRA won’t extend deadline to file taxes
Picket line ‘last thing’ economy needs now, Chamber of Commerce says”

Toronto Star


Asimov’s Robots Didn’t Think So


“Positivity Is Overrated”

New York Times


So, We’re Living Through Edge of Tomorrow (Without Tom Cruise’s Teeth)


“The world is flirting with a doom-loop”

Toronto Star


Fortunately, The Majority Of Those Who Will Benefit Are Men, And They’re OK With That


“Privatization won’t close the gender pay gap”

Toronto Star


Check Your Environment For Cameras – It Sounds Like You’re In A Movie Of The Week


“I’m dating a twin. His brother just hit on me”

Toronto Star


More Private Cash Will, Though
Funny How That Works


“More cash for health care won’t fix much”

Toronto Star


You Think? Because For Me, It Provokes A Yawn And Tiredness


“Madonna’s New Face Is a Brilliant Provocation

New York Times


Their Extreme Right Is Represented By People Of All Colours


“U.K. a model for political diversity”

Toronto Star


Headline Telegraphs Consumer Disappointment


“Minister relying on telecom’s promises”

Toronto Star


Is The Fact That Everybody In The Royal Family – Including The Corgis – Hates Her One Of Them?
Even Inspector Clouseau Couldn’t Miss That Clue!


“Meghan Markle will be skipping the spectacle
There are plenty of clues as to why she RSVP’d ‘no'”

Toronto Star


Mickey Is Famous For Putting Other People To Sleep, Which Means He Doesn’t Have To Listen To Them


“Finn’s Key to Happiness Is Having Just Enough”

New York Times


The Neighbours Will Appreciate Getting A Good Night’s Sleep For A Change


“A relationship in decline (but shhhh…)

Toronto Star


So We’re Going To Throw A Ton Of People Out Of Work To Compensate
You Can’t Argue With Economics


“It’s too easy for firms to hike prices, Macklem says”

Toronto Star


Umm…Russia Might Have A Say In That…


“Time for global leaders to stop war in Ukraine”

Toronto Star


After All We’ve Done To Them, Their Placid Attitude Towards Us Isn’t Credible


“Experts doubt porpoise pledge”

Toronto Star


Just As The Desert Ecosystem Needs Vultures To Maintain Its Equilibrium…


“Vilifying Venture Capitalists Is Misguided Criticism”

New York Times


Modern Capitalism: Where Job One Is Cutting Jobs To One


McDonald’s layoffs coming
Fast-food chain closes U.S. offices temporarily ahead of corporate cuts”

Toronto Star

Canopy to lay off 800, close plant
Cannabis firm posts net loss of $266.7M, more than double result in same period last year”


Toronto Star

Bed Bath & Beyond shuts Canadian stores
Closings will result in job losses of more than 1,400


Toronto Star

“Boeing to cut 2,000 jobs in HR and finance”


Toronto Star

Nordstrom to close in Canada

Retailer to shutter 13 stores and lay off 2,500 employees


Toronto Star

“Ford eliminates 3,800 jobs in Europe”


Toronto Star


I’ll Drink To That!


Drinking has no health benefits
Research looked at studies from last 40 years, suggested they were flawed”

Toronto Star


It May Find That That Investment Has Turned To Vinegar


Tax credits aim to ensure U.S. doesn’t outgreen Canada
Ottawa hopes new subsidies will uncork billions in private-sector spending”

Toronto Star


Try To Determine How Much In Tax Credits The Government Is Willing To Throw At It


“HOW TO KNOW IF A WINE WILL AGE WELL”

Toronto Star


As Any Palestinian Will Tell You


“Israel’s Democracy Endures”

New York Times


Which Tastes A Little Weird If Their Business Is Waste Management


“Many U.S. firms coming north focus on chicken sandwiches”

Toronto Star


Which One?


“Trump trial delay rejected”

Toronto Star


An Island Without Extradition Treaties To The US Should Be Far Enough


“Crypto Seeks Distance From Its Past Problems”

New York Times


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