Is It Okay If I Use It To Deflect And Make Strangeness?
“New year offers chance to reflect and make changes”
– Toronto Star
They’re For The Strong Of Heart…And Teeth…
“Turning local landmarks into edible holiday gifts”
– Toronto Star
Absolutely!
Trump Will Get Such Bad Hand Cramps From Rubbing Poilievre’s Belly That The Conservative Will Be Able To Get Him To Agree To Anything Canada Wants
“Some Canadians believe Poilievre is best leader to take on Trump”
– Toronto Star
May As Well Start Writing Democracy’s Obituary Now
“Canada’s left must unite to defeat regressives”
– Toronto Star
May As Well Start Writing Our 2025 New Year’s Resolutions Now
“The new year demands better from all of us”
– Toronto Star
Expect It So It Doesn’t Come As A Shock
“How we can prevent another oil shock”
– Toronto Star
It’s Jacques Plante’s Fault
“Blaming goalies masks reality”
– Toronto Star
Everything Old Is New Again…Unfortunately…
“UN reports a tenfold increase in dengue cases”
– Toronto Star
An NRA Pissing Match Immediately Extinguished The Spark
“Three mass shootings in a week reignite U.S. gun control debate”
– Globe and Mail
Don’t Be Too Hard On Him: He Only Just Started Learning About Carbohydrates!
“‘The Speaker will never get spaghetti'”
– Toronto Star
“Vote For The Party That Has Always Shown Workers Its Back” Not An Inspiring Campaign Slogan
“NDP, Poilievre have eye on labour vote
Tory leader argues New Democrats are turning their backs on workers by aligning with Liberals”
– Toronto Star
Have You Looked Out Your Front Window Lately?
“Popsicles are an endangered species”
– Toronto Star
Conservative Party Asks It If It Wants To Run For A Seat In Parliament
“Despite challenges, rhino born at zoo”
– Toronto Star
As Long As They Aren’t Gay
Gays Can Wait For Manna From Heaven
“Local Chick-fil-A restaurants team up to fight hunger in their neighbourhoods
By partnering with local food charities, Chick-fil-A helps provide meals for those in need”
– Toronto Star ad
Ordinarily, I Could Easily Accept His Claim Of Ignorance, And Yet…
“Ford pleads ignorance on land swap”
– Toronto Star
Considering Calling The Policy Antisemitic
“Ontario, Saskatchewan, Alberta and N.B. strategize legal attack on carbon tax”
– Globe and Mail
But We Can Sit Them Down In A Corner And Forget They’re There
We’re Very Good At That
“We can’t abandon climate targets”
– Toronto Star
You Lost Me At “Two: Make Plans”
“Ten ways we can improve transit”
– Toronto Star
Companies Need To Provide Better Incentives To Coax Cemeteries Back Into The Office
“Remote cemeteries fall victim to erosion”
– Toronto Star
It’s Not Going To Beat Lex Luthor In A Fair Fight, But That’s A Lot To Ask Of A Means Of Transportation
“Forester breezes through daily grind
Roomy SUV is a hero of a car, capable of taking kids to school, transporting groceries and more”
– Toronto Star
Umm…Do You Not Understand The Way Bad Faith Works?
“Claudine Gay’s Resignation Was Overdue
Her accusers acted in bad faith, but they’re not wrong.”
– The Atlantic
If You Want The Government To Do Anything, You Need To Make Some Noi – Oh, Umm…
“City must enforce existing noise bylaws”
– Toronto Star
Whoever Wrote This Headline Needs To Be Comitted
“Ammended ETF push gives boost to bitcoin”
– Toronto Star
They Will Be The Easiest To Replace Because They Think They Will Always Be Necessary
“Employers looking for workers with skills in AI”
– Toronto Star
Too Many Cops Believe Shooting With Little Warning IS A Deescalation Skill
“Man shot by officer posed ‘no risk’
Report by police chief says cop provided little warning, failed to use de-escalation skills”
– Toronto Star
I Know She’s Heartbroken Because Of Mister Rochester, But Four Months Is A Long Time To Go Without Sleep
“Eyre plans to retire in summer”
– Toronto Star
Here’s An Idea For A Mad Magazine Feature: You Know Your Country Is In Decline When…
“Trump resilient due to madness of America”
– Toronto Star
We’re Taught When We’re Very Young Not To Scratch At Scabs, But Some CEOs Of Major Corporations Just Can’t Help Themselves
“Replacement-work ban can hurt small firms”
– Toronto Star
Where Are All Those Minions Going To Find Work?
This Can’t End Well…
“More than 200 let go at Mastermind”
– Toronto Star