I Couldn’t Have Put It Better Myself
“ENTERNT THROW LARGE
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– Toronto Star
Yellow Means Speed Up And Red Means Close Your Eyes And Speed Up
“Analysts see market pullback on horizon
Indicators of market health, including trading volume and buying demand, are beginning to flash yellow or red”
– Globe and Mail
“THE RETURN OF OPTIMISM”
– Globe and Mail, a few pages earlier
She’s Obviously Not From Ontario, Or She Would Have Phrased That Differently
“Top judge hopes for legacy of common sense”
– Toronto Star
Why Would Anybody In That Country Care If Matt Groening’s Comics Publisher Died?
“Gabon in 30 days of official mourning, thousands attend Bongo funeral”
– National Post
Because The Old MO – Customers Suck Tailpipes – Wasn’t Really Working
“FINANCIAL SERVICES
BMO’s new MO: Customers first”
– Globe and Mail
Just Don’t Go Down To The Basement With Him, Because Only One Of You Will Be Coming Back!
“Dexter sworn in as Nova Scotia’s first NDP premier”
– Toronto Star
You Say That Like Spreading Happiness Is A Bad Thi – Oh…
“Canada a major exporter of ecstasy, UN report says”
– Globe and Mail
You Had To Know That Marching Was Just The First Step
“REVENGE OF THE PENGUINS”
– National Post
Fortunately, Optimism Has Returned To The Pages Of The Globe And Mail
“Toronto Star cuts 27 jobs in classified department”
– Globe and Mail
“LONDON
Exchange cuts 120 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“NEWSPRINT
Kruger lays off 130 at Newfoundland plant”
– Toronto Star
“Monsanto profit falls, will cut 900 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Navistar lays off 1,000 at Ontario plant”
– Globe and Mail
“Gannett cuts 1,400 jobs to counter ad slump”
– Toronto Star
“Steel maker Corus says it could cut 2,045 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“RETAIL
Ikea has cut 5,000 jobs in economic crisis: report”
– Globe and Mail
“Nearly 25,000 mining jobs lost in S. Africa: minister”
– Globe and Mail
“OECD bolsters case for recovery”
– Toronto Star
Before He Made It Embarrassing To Be White
“‘He made it cool to be black’
Jackson fan who forgave his oddities, drove from Vancouver to be with her childhood idol”
– Toronto Sun
The Lapdogs Are At The Dentist, But I’m Sure They’ll Be Happy To Show You The Work They Had Done When They Get Back
“US FINANCIAL SYSTEM
Reforms are fine, but the watchdogs need to show their teeth”
– Globe and Mail
As Long As Everybody Gets Something…
“Pop machines get one-year reprieve”
– Toronto Star
“Subway killer gets 10-year term”
– Toronto Star
Garbagesicles Will Keep You Cool On Those Hot Summer Nights
“Freeze your organics, city tells residents”
– National Post
It’s Easier To Scratch Behind A Watchdog’s Ears If Its Sitting In Your Lap
“Do Tories want watchdog or lapdog?”
– Toronto Star
The Conflict Is Undoubtedly Keeping Brown Up Nights
“Second wave of financial crisis coming, Brown warns
British PM urges more stimulus and strict regulations, putting economic vision at odds with Harper’s more modest goals for summit”
– Globe and Mail
If They Had Been Mutant Tomatoes, They Wouldn’t Be Waiting For Your Thanks
“No thanks to bland, mutant strawberries”
– Toronto Star
Are Drugs Ruining Your Rationality? (And, How Can I Get Some?)
“Is the cult of success ruining our economy?”
– Globe and Mail
Because What’s Keeping People From The Polls Is More Candidates From More Parties Than A Sane Person Can Keep Track Of
“Electoral reform will restore our democracy”
– Toronto Star
Gone To Flowers Every One – When Will They Ever Learn? When Will They Ever Learn?
“Where have all the uncorrelated assets gone?”
– Globe and Mail
But, She Still Doesn’t Get A Pony
“Child’s wishes count, court says”
– National Post
Yawn – Is It July Already?
“US Marines launch massive offensive in Taliban stronghold”
– Globe and Mail
Stand Just A Little Bit Closer, Unions Tell New Tory Leader
“‘Get a grip,’ new Tory leader tells city unions”
– Toronto Star
Just Be Sure You Can Pay The Divorce Lawyer’s Fees When The Career’s Boozing And Womanizing Becomes Intolerable
“Say ‘I do’ to a career as a wedding planner”
– Toronto Sun
My Neighbourhood Is Happily Married, But I’ve Seen The Way It Looks At Cabbagetown, And I…I Suspect It’s In Denial
“How gay is your neighbourhood?”
– Toronto Star
Fairness Being Defined As Vast Sums Of Government Monies
“Businesses asking for ‘fairness,’ not a bailout”
– Toronto Star
The People Who Run Predator Drones From 3,000 Miles Away Are The Real Heroes
“‘IEDs are the tools of cowards,’ general says”
– Globe and Mail
I’ve Got My Ski Goggles And 27 Penguin Plush Toys: I’m Ready!
“Get ready for the summer gold rally”
– National Post
International Hewers Of Wood Inc. And Transglobal Drawers Of Water PLC Are Partying Like It’s 1899
“Eyeballing Canada’s post-manufacturing economy”
– Globe and Mail
Do You See At Problem Here?
“What’s a stake in city strike”
– Toronto Star
All Eyes Were On It
“Why the potato ought to have triumphed”
– National Post
We Didn’t, And Look At The Mess We’re In
“Respect rules of law, US warns Russian leader”
– Toronto Star
And, It’s A Good Thing, Too: If He Hadn’t Been Healthy, Who Knows How Bad Things Might Have Gotten For Him?
“Swine flu kills healthy 43-year-old”
– Globe and Mail