Skip to content

Conversations Overheard at Wingtips Golf and Country Club

Book Cover Image

“Well, I’ve known Ivan Boesky for years, and I think that what they’re doing to him is scandalous. Simply scandalous!” “I don’t think I could agree with you more! Insider trading, indeed! He wasn’t doing anything every other trader on Wall Street hasn’t done a million times. His only crime was getting caught!” “Exactly my point. The line between legal dealing and insider trading is too arbitrary. Far too damn arbitrary! Ivan was just doing good business.” “That he was…still. I wonder who he’s talking to the Commission about now…” “He’s turning in other traders?” “So I’ve heard.” “That son of a – he deserves everything he gets! He’s a disgrace to the business world!” “Too true. Too true. He’s the kind of person who makes the public lose faith in the system!”

“…great volley, Debbie! You’re improving with every game!” “Thanks, Christine. I’m really getting comfortable with my backhand.” “We make a great team. That’s why I’m sorry about…you know…” “Hey, you’ve been trying to take over my company for weeks. I understand how it is – business is business, right?” “Yes, well…I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve decided to abort my take-over attempt…” “Really? Why?” “I can take over a small company any time, but where am I going to find such a great doubles partner?”

“…so, I told my doctor, ‘heart attack? I’m much too busy to have a heart attack! Would it be alright if I paid one of my employees to have it for me?’ He started to laugh, like I had said something funny…”

“Canadian International Banana Mines? Are you out of your mind, Simon? That stock hasn’t done anything in years! “I know, Al, but that’s what makes it so attractive…” “Simon, is there something you’re not telling me?” “Well…” “There is! There is something you’re not telling me! What?” “It’s just that…I overheard one of the Club Directors mention that the government is about to announce a deal with CIBM to supply light bulbs to hang over the heads of every government official for the next five years.” “Now, there’s a bright idea! I can see why you’re so excited. We could make a killing with this stock. We could -” “Allan, has table seven got its entrees yet?” “Umm…no, sir.” “Well, hope to it, lad. The lobsters aren’t getting any younger.” “Yes, sir. Right away, sir.” “Remember: Canadian International Banana Mines.”

“Are you kidding? If the New Democrats ever won a general election, it would be an open invitation for the Americans to invade Canada. You know what they’re like – they’d never stand for a socialist neighbour!” “But, Canada is a sovereign nation!” “So? Since when has that stopped -” “Yes, but, Canada is an American ally.” “It is now, but who can tell what mischief a New Democratic government might do? You know they are opposed to Canadian participation in NATO…” “Joseph, Terry, I can’t believe that you’re arguing about something that’s never going to happen.” “What else is a sauna for?”

“Of course, monetarism is an excellent policy.” “Of course it is.” “Control of the money supply is the key to a healthy economy. Coupled with a supply side national policy and a government dedicated to reducing the national deficit, it’s hard to see how things could get much better.” “I certainly can’t see how!” “On the other hand, there is that nagging unemployment problem…” “That certainly is a tough one.” “Keynes may have been right. Government intervention in the marketplace may sometimes be necessary to reduce unemployment to tolerable levels.” “You think?” “I have considered that possibility, of late…” “Then, I think so, too.” “You see, in theory, there is nothing inherently wrong with Marxism.” “Communist Marxism, you mean?” “That’s the one.” “Well, now that you mention it, I guess I see your point.” “Edward, who’s your chiropractor?” “My chiropractor? Why do you ask?” “Don’t you find it painful to bend over backwards like that?”

“Shh…here he comes. Shh!” “Hi, guys. What’s u – oh, this is very nice. Very nice, indeed.” “What’s that, Ger?” “Some moron wrote ‘Gerald is a numbuts’ in green on my locker.” “Oh, really? Hee hee.” “Do you know anything about this, Bob?” “What – me? No, I don’t know anything about it.” “This is really childish, Bob.” “Oh, I know – ha ha – I know it is.” “Fine. Be that way. But don’t think I won’t remember this the next time you come before my court!”

“Did you hear about the new couple who want to join Wingtips?” “No. Can’t say as I have…” “The Joneses? It’s terrible…” “What have you got against the Joneses?” “Well, they’re not…our kind of people, if you know what I mean…” “Not our kind of people? Are they happily married, or something?” “No, it’s not that…” “Then, what’s the matter with them?” “They…they’re middle class!” “No!” “It’s true!” “We can’t allow…their sort to join Wingtips!” “Of course not! They would never fit in – never really belong…” “Why, if we let them join, we’d have to let people from every socio-economic group join! Pretty soon, the place would be overrun by…poor people! Bums in the change rooms! Bag ladies in the sauna! The horror!” “Exactly, Jack! Exac…say, Jack, are you taking this seriously?”