Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, but not so far away that we can’t learn a valuable life lesson from what happened there, there lived a Princeperson. Her name was Louise. During the day, Louise was a tax consultant for many of the land’s wealthiest people. Princeperson Louise also represented an organization called the National Action Council on the Status of Princepersons, which made her popular on the lecture circuit.
Princeperson Louise lived with Princeperson Jack in a totally open, two income, modern family unit. Princeperson Louise intended to have one or two children, but not for several years. In the meantime, Princeperson Jack did the cooking.
One day, Princeperson Louise was walking through the valley, searching for plots of land which her clients could use as shelters, when she was beset by a fierce, fire-breathing dragon. Hastily, she unsheathed the sword Princeperson Jack had given her on their second anniversary (“It’s not safe for a Princeperson to walk the valleys of the land alone and unarmed,” sayeth he), and set herself for battle.
Before she was able to strike a blow, a second woman appeared. “Stop!” the second woman cried. “Put down your sword, I implore you! Do not slay this dragon!”
Princeperson Louise, keeping one eye on the dragon, turned to face the intruder. “Why do you not want me to slay this dragon?” she asked.
“Because,” the intruder replied, “that’s Prince’s work!”
Princeperson Louise narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Who are you?” she demanded to know.
“Princess Gwendolyn,” the other woman responded, “President of REAL Princesses.”
Princeperson Louise shifted her weight and aimed her sword at Princess Gwendolyn’s heart. Then, she let her sword hover between the Princess and the dragon, uncertain as to which was the greater threat. “Haven’t you heard?” she asked, haughty. “All Princepersons are equal, now. That means we are allowed to slay our own dragons.”
“But, Princesses aren’t well suited to slaying dragons,” Princess Gwendolyn argued. “We’re supposed to stay at home and fix feasts and have children and let Princes slay dragons to protect us.”
“That’s an outdated sexual stereotype,” Princeperson Louise stated. “Women as passive objects and men as aggressors. It’s been sued by men to control women for thousands of years. But, don’t you see? It limits the life choices of both men and women.”
“May I make an observation?” the dragon asked, feeling somewhat left out of the discussion. Princess Gwendolyn bluntly told him, “No. This has nothing to do with you. Look, the reason it’s been this way for so long is because there are biological differences between the sexes. It’s only natural that we have different roles.”
“Sure,” Princeperson Louise stated, “male Princepersons are a bit bigger and a bit stronger. That’s how they’ve been able to force their will upon female Princepersons, not to mention each other.”
“And, Princesses can have children,” Princess Gwendolyn pointed out, “whereas, Princes can’t. It’s important for the stability of the realm that these male/female roles be kept straight.”
Princeperson Louise heard her voice rise in anger. “Do we have to accept a diminished role in society because of our biology? We can have children and make other significant contributions to society. And, if some of us choose not to have children, surely that is not shameful.”
“There is no higher goal to which a Princess can aspire,” Princess Gwendolyn stated, “than to raise a family.”
“If the two of you would just allow me to get a word in,” the dragon tried once more to say, “I believe a masculine perspective could really help shed light on -“
“Butt out!” Princeperson Louise shouted.
“You just aren’t interested in families,” Princess Gwendolyn sweetly insinuated, “because you and your women friends don’t like Princes, and aren’t ever likely to get one to pledge his troth to you…”
“You’ve been telling criers throughout the land that lie,” Princeperson Louise hotly retorted, “and, I’m getting sick of hearing it! The National Action Council on the Status of Princepersons favours choice. That’s all. If women want to raise a family, that’s their right. But, if they want to be blacksmiths or coopers or members of any other traditionally male profession, they shouldn’t be barred because of their sex.
“Your group, on the other hand, wants to deliberately keep women from having a choice, from having control of their lives. That’s why we represent over six million female Princepersons, while you’ll never represent more than the few hundred thousand that you already do.”
“I’m glad you made that point,” the dragon tried one final time. “I’ve been giving the Princesses Liberation thing a lot of thought, and I really believe -” Princeperson Louise and Princess Gwendolyn hissed at the dragon to be quiet.
So, it ate them.
And, the moral of the story is: never argue about human rights in front of a hungry dragon.