Thank you, Yuliya Mayarchuk, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. DID YOU KNOW: some ancient Egyptian sects believed that the scrapings of the eyeballs of sacred chickens was a potent aphrodisiac, but were too squeamish to see if this was true?
Enjoy,Not That She Couldn’t Use A Little…Sexing Up…
MONDAY: I heard that Indian director T. Rajeevnath said he hopes to persuade Paris Hilton to play Mother Teresa in an upcoming film. Then, my head exploded. Really. It took us days to clean the kitchen walls. If anybody asks, there really is such a thing as too much information.
TUESDAY: There is no truth to the rumour that the new song by Ben Harper (no relation to Stephen Harper…or, for that matter, Ben Mulroney), “Better Way,” is an ode to the TTC. Right?
WEDNESDAY: According to an article in The Independent on Sunday, wealthy professional women are increasingly using private detectives to check out potential husbands before they marry. Haven’t they ever heard of Google?
THURSDAY: If terrorists hate freedom so much, why are we putting so much effort into forcing it upon them?
FRIDAY: Ben Kingsley has roles in Lucky Number Slevin and Bloodrayne, both opening today. How big must your drug habit be to need money that badly?
SATURDAY: Okay, let me see if I understand this. Stephen Harper’s Conservative government: is cracking down on the personal use of marijuana; will allow a free vote on gay marriage in the House of Commons (even though it won’t affect the courts’ decision on the subject); enthusiastically supports Canada’s suicidal military mission in Afghanistan; plans on introducing mandatory minimum sentences and longer jail time as part of a get tough on crime spree, and; won’t retract Canada’s commitment to Kyoto, but has no intention of supplying the funds so the country can actually fulfill that commitment. This is supposed to be the Conservatives being moderate so that they can win a majority in the next election. Really? If this is Conservative moderation, what in god’s name will Conservative extremism look like?
SUNDAY: I’m resting.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
Well…He’s Consistent…
Albertans loyal to Premier Ralph Klein are outraged that a Conservative Party vote on his leadership has all but assured that he will be stepping down earlier than he had planned. Klein himself has, however, a different take on the 45 per cent of Tories who voted against him staying on for two more years. With a fatherly smile, he commented: “They’re total heartless bastards. I’ve taught them well.”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
Touchy, Are We?
The Canada Council for the Arts did not fund the publication of Let’s Talk About Sovereignty at School. While Les Editions des Intouchables does receive Canada Council funding, that funding contributes exclusively to the publisher’s output in literary genres – that is, fiction, creative non-fiction and poetry (for both children and adults). As Let’s Talk About Sovereignty is a textbook, it is ineligible for funding under our program.
I know you haven’t actually written anything about the publication of Let’s Talk About Sovereignty. But, you will. And, you will get it wrong. Not that there’s any reason to – a simple phone call and you can learn the truth of the matter. Apparently that’s just too difficult for some reporters and editorial writers these days. Reporters and editorial writers at major publications, too. People you would think would know better.Please, please, please, please, please get it right.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
And, Don’t Even Get Us Started On The Fascism…!
Some theatergoers who attended this weekend’s Canadian premier of Wagner’s The Ring Cycle may have been surprised by an offer, extended as they exited, of $5 or a Ring souvenir if they filled out a marketing survey about the show. The responses were instructive.
“The show was too long!” commented Greta von Hausfrau. “My poor bladder!”
“Oy, so loud!” said another patron who asked not to be named. “I walked out after that Valkyries thing – I had a ringing in my ears for days!”
A truculent Wagner said he might consider tinkering with the orchestration of some of Das Rheingold to deliver “less of an impact,” but that he doesn’t want to “react merely to hearsay. I really don’t want to know what the audience is thinking.”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
Bringing The Hammer Down
Tom Delay has resigned from Congress. Delay claims that dirty politics by the Democrats are to blame for his resignation.
Of course. Democrats forced Delay to accept golf trips paid for by lobbyist Jack Abramoff. When you look at photos of Delay on those trips, you can see that his smiles are obviously forced, that he is, in fact, hating every moment after tee off. Look closely. Closer. Closer. There! See exactly what I’m talking about?
Not only that, but Democrats forced Delay to distribute money to Republican candidates in Texas in violation of the state’s laws against corporate donations. He didn’t want to do it. “I would rather our candidates lost than won thanks to tainted money,” Delay was widely quoted as stating. Exactly how they forced Delay to do this remains unclear.
Those sneaky Democrats!
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
Crime On Everyone’s Mind
The crime rate is trending downSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered