The Daily Me -
Inferior Detritus John Smithsonian Fructus Harris

Coming This Fall:

"Who are we to impose a prohibition on falling in love?"

Monika LaMartinet was an executive with a major shipping corporation who had hit the glass ceiling hard and was contemplating filing a major lawsuit! Paul Phillips-Paulsen was a hot shot young lawyer whose interest in tort reform knew no bounds! Would they be allowed to share a love? Or, would the mean old Canadian Bar Association tell them it's unethical for a person in a position of authority to take sexual advantage of a vulnerable client?

Laws of Love - look for it in bookstores in October, or preorder your copy today!

SOURCE: Arlecchino Enterprises

4. Julia Child was a good person. How could you possibly write, "In her will, Child asked not to be cremated, but to be roasted on a spit and served with a nice white wine sauce."? You are a deeply disturbed human being.

Hmm. Perhaps it's just as well I didn't go with my first impulse, which was:

Chef Bourguignon

Yes, for what it's worth, I am a deeply disturbed human being. What's your point?

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

The Stryker, an eight wheeled armoured vehicle, is so heavy that it restricts the flight range of the C-130 cargo planes that transport it and, under certain conditions, can make it impossible for them to take off. "The tank isn't overweight," military officials insisted, "it's just big boned."

SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman

Price: $1,000 (cash only)

Start Time: July-09-04 21:00:00 PDT

Quantity: how many do you need?

History: The Afghan election had to be postponed twice, once for low voter turnout. Now, more cards have been issued than initial estimates of eligible voters - that's democracy in action!

Item Location: an alley behind a soukh in a marketplace in Kabul - don't worry too much about it: when the time comes, we'll get the card(s) to you

Description: Mint condition voting cards, never been used, each good for one vote in the upcoming Afghanistan election.

SOURCE: ehBay

Internet search company Google's planned Initial Public Offering was put in jeopardy when an interview with the company's founders appeared in Playboy magazine. Some of the facts in the interview were different from those in the documents Google filed with the Securities Exchange Commission. Although the documents were amended in time to let the IPO go ahead, it was for fewer shares than originally planned, and will bring in one third less revenue than analysts had been told to expect.

In response to the controversy, Google founder Larry Page stated, "We got interviewed in Playboy! How cool is that?"

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

Typical test questions for students of the privately owned and operated California Alternative High School chain:

SOURCE: The Smoking Gut

But

You couldn't say he stood apart, he
Supported the National Socialist Party
You couldn't say he was a patsy
Because he was an enthusiastic Nazi
A great artist? Perhaps. But, a moral dunce.
And what good is art if not guided by conscience?

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

Canada Customs has banned the import of tapes of speeches given by American white supremacist William Pierce. On the tapes Pierce claims, among other things, that Canadian media mogul Izzy Asper is actually Mae West in drag and that he (she?) is responsible for subliminal messages supporting same sex marriage and Israeli occupation of the West Wing flashed during simulcast episodes of Survivor: Sea of Tranquility.

Enrique Mazumia, a guard with Canada Customs, said that the shipment of tapes was stopped to protect Canadian culture. "We have to protect Canadian hate literature by not allowing America to flood our market with its hate literature. We need hate literature that speaks to the Canadian experience." When lawyer Alan O'Borovoy pointed out that Canada had, at best, an anemic hate literature sector, Mazumia replied: "Take it up with the Canada Council."

SOURCE: The Irrational