Thank you, Helga Kreutzenberger for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we got blind drunk on tequila poppers and...well, we're not really sure what happened after that, but we did manage to put this together for you.
Enjoy,Hundreds of circus clowns marched on city hall to demand that employers recognize their union, the first in the country. Unfortunately, nobody took them seriously.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
The Canadian Recording Industry Association (CRIA) is lauding the Commons Standing Committee on Canadian Heritage for demanding that the government strengthen copyright laws in order to thwart peer to peer music file sharing on the Internet. Apparently, CRIA is hoping to wake up and find that the Federal Court's decision that too strict copyright laws were a danger to creativity was a bad dream. "It worked for Dallas," commented CRIA President Brian Robertson. Somebody should tell him that, no, actually, it didn't work for Dallas.
SOURCE: Computers Byte Magazine
17) President George W. Bush claims to be appalled by the torture of prisoners in Iraq's Abu Ghraid torturarium by American soldiers, even though his government has known about it for months. Does this make him...Accounting Scandal - No Longer An Oxymoron
American authorities have launched a criminal investigation into Nortel Networks' stock options plans, as well as how the telephone equipment maker booked revenue from sales transactions. And, I thought it was only artists who had to leave Canada to be recognized!
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
In An Alternate Version Fags Will Burn In Hell
An advertisement running in 20 Canadian newspapers states: "We believe in Mom and Dad. We believe in Marriage. The family is a schoolroom for life, and lasting lessons come from a man and a woman - a father and a mother. We believe in mom and dad. Their marital commitment to each other and their parental commitment to their children is the foundation of our society. Traditional marriage - if you believe in it, protect it." But, strong advertising copy doesn't just materialize out of thin air; it is frequently worked over until, middle bear-like, it's just right. Below is some copy that was suggested for the advertisement but ultimately rejected.
"Traditional marriage - if you believe in it, give all your money to lobby groups opposing those bastards who don't."
"The family is a schoolroom for life, from incest and alcohol abuse to sexism and homophobia, and lasting lessons come from a man and a woman - a father and a mother."
"We believe in a mom and dad. And anybody who doesn't will burn in the eternal fires of Hell."
"Their marital commitment to each other - as evidenced by a nearly 50 per cent divorce rate - and their parental commitment to their children - as shown by the number of fathers who don't pay court ordered child support - is the foundation of our society."
"Traditional marriage - we can't go back to polygamy just yet, but we're working on it."
"Their marital commitment to each other and their parental commitment to their children is the foundation of our society. All that other stuff about individual freedom, especially freedom from persecution, is just so much nonsense those godless liberals tell each other."
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Playboy Magazine, Playboy Enterprises is putting out a new video game: Playboy: The Corporation. Big whup. You have to navigate a boardroom full of sharks. You have to fend off challenges to your empire by more explicit films and magazines. You have to rejig a philosophy created in the days when Dean Martin was considered cool for a time when Tupak is considered Phat. And there's not a naked woman in sight! This is one game that bites, and not in a good way.
SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag
Some People Just Don't Understand the Concept of Cyberspace
Hewlett-Packard has agreed to pay the federal government $146 million over computer services that were paid for but not provided, although the real culprits appear to be sub-contractors hired by the Department of Defence. "The bill was for quantum computers," one DoD representative stated. "You can't actually use them, because then you would invalidate the majority of their potential reality states." Not to be outdone, Joseph Gagliano, the former MP at the centre of the sponsorship scandal, claimed, "That $100 million, it went for quantum advertising. Yeah. That's it. Quantum advertising."
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
MONDAY: Which is more creepily Orwellian: the Fair Air Organization of Canada, which represents businesses opposed to anti-smoking by-laws, or the Toronto Environmental Coalition, which represents lawn-care companies opposed to anti-pesticide by-laws?
TUESDAY: Am I the only one who remembers when free radicals were Black Panthers who had just been released from prison?
WEDNESDAY: Has India's Sonia Gandhi taken her political philosophy from Pogo Possum?
THURSDAY: Outgoing (but never terribly outgoing) Conservative MP Elsie Wayne claimed that the government's decision to allow women to buy "morning after" pills without a prescription "once again, is saying you can murder a child." How exactly is that, Elsie? By forcing the child to swallow an overdose of the pills?
FRIDAY: A company called Wizmark has developed technologies that would allow advertising to be placed inside men's urinals. Is the next level interactive urinal games where your joystick is your, umm, joystick? And, anyway, what self-respecting company would want to place its corporate logo where it knew it was going to get pissed on?
SATURDAY: The US State Department released its annual report on human rights abuses around the world, with pictures of smiling Iraqi children on the cover. How precious! Can we expect images of puppy dogs and ice cream on the cover of the Congressional report on torture at Abu Ghraib prison? Will the Joints Chiefs put happy faces over their "i"s in all of their reports to the President? I'm feeling better about the war on terrorism already.
SUNDAY: What would Jesus Alou do?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
Monday, 8:30: That 1270's Show. Martin loses his nose when he's kicked in the head by a horse. Hilarity ensues when the village mistakenly thinks he's got The Plague.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide