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Enjoy,Have You Now Or Have You Ever Been Employed By Saddam Hussein?
The House UnAmerican Activities Committee? Wusses! What we need is a good old-fashioned Inquisition! Get with the programme, people! WE HAVE ENEMIES! THEY'RE IN IRAQ! THEY'RE IN FRANCE! THEY COULD BE IN JOHN KERRY'S UNDERPANTS! If you're planning on voting for an a**hole with such a spotty military record - I mean, did he burn his medals, his ribbons, other people's medals, his underpants, or what? - you might as well just hand Osama bin laden a victory. I mean, the question isn't how many people close to Kerry worked for Saddam Hussein - the question is how many people close to Kerry didn't work for Saddam Hussein! A vote for Kerry is a vote for - aaaaargh! Aaaagh! Uuuuugh! - give me a moment while I get my glycerin pills...
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
Iraq versus Vietnam - A Progress Checklist
"This country is a dire threat to our country, to our way of life, and we have no choice but to invade it." "We will be seen as liberators, not conquerers." "This is a minor insurgence by remnants of the dictator's army." "We will be triumphant if we become more effective at getting our message of democracy out to the people." "There is greater resistance then we expected - mostly by hardline religious fanatics who hate freedom - but everything is under control." "Those who criticize the war effort are traitors who give comfort to our enemies and endanger the lives of our troops." "This country's neighbours are sending soldiers to fight against us - they are the true enemies of democracy and freedom in the region." "We are continuing to experience higher than expected resistance, but we can quickly bring matters under control if we send more troops into the country." "We cannot pull out now, because it would give comfort to our enemies and send a signal to the world that we are not fully committed to the development of democracy."
YOU ARE HERE: "This is not a quagmire."
"We appreciate the fact that the American public is becoming increasingly concerned about American casualties, but they are a small price to pay for democratic progress in this country." "Our insistence that the country be run by people of our choosing resulted in a government that was seen as illegitimate by the general population." "We completely underestimated the ability of the insurgents to strike at us and then melt into the general population." "Our media turned against our cause." "History will show that our cause was just." "Yes, we must admit that we have been killing civilians, including women and children, and that that appears to have united the people of this country against us." "The war was an unqualified success and we leave the country having secured peace with honour..."
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
And You Thought Internet Time Was Something
Former Gosselin Communications executive Gilles-Andre Gosselin, explaining how he charged the federal government for 10,112 hours of work in 2002 demanded, "Is there a law that says people are not allowed to work seven days a week?" When one of the members of the parliamentary committee investigating the Liberal sponsorship scandal pointed out that that was more than the number of hours in a year, Gosselin responded, "Is there a law that says people are not allowed to slow down time to get more work done?"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
If the Federal Liberals Are the New Conservatives, Who Are the New Liberals?
After calling Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper "scary," and urging Conservatives to vote for the best candidate in their riding, not necessarily for the party, former Progressive Conservative Prime Minister Joe Clark gets gang-banged by the media. They love him...they love him not. They love him...they should grow up, maybe?
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
Perhaps They Should Put a Tariff on the Wood Between Their Ears
A North American Free Trade Agreement dispute panel has ruled - again - that Canadian softwood lumber exports were hurting American mills. This is a significant step forward in the long-standing dispute. It means that the US has only 27 more illegal moves to make against Canadian wood before this issue will finally be resolved. None of us may be alive to see the day, but at least the trees that aren't cut down will...
SOURCE: Financial Riposte
You Deserve To Keep All Of The Money You've Slaved To Earn!
So, Dalton McGuinty's Liberal government would like to tax lottery winnings? We have a simple solution - don't pick up your money! That will deny the Ontario provincial government millions of - wait! Where are you going? Don't go looking for porn! Hear us ou - HEAR US OUT!
SOURCE: National Coalition of Anti-tax Loonies Home Page
Prosecutors in the Michael Jackson child sex case have seized underwear purportedly worn by the former music star. They expect the underwear to fetch between $1,000 and $5,000 on eBay. "Why didn't any of my financial advisers think of that?" Jackson mused to himself.
SOURCE: Traders Weekly
A new virus, DadBlastIt, started infecting computers last week. It is believed to have parked itself on millions of hard drives running MicroMush NT&A, 2000 and 2002 Office Sweet software. The playful virus starts b6y adding numb3er4s to words at r3a8ndo9m. Th3en, it word7s chan5ges or9der of in se8nten8ces the. The7n, it your ha2r4d nast7y and shuts do1wn tu88888rns dri
SOURCE: Computers Byte Magazine
