Thank you, Fouf le Kidnap, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we heard that Taco Bell Canada was erecting a billboard that would dispense an unlimited supply of nacho cheese...for a couple of hours. So, we put down our editing (it's not like it takes up that much of our attention) and sped off to Queen Street to get our share. As we got closer to the billboard, we noticed people walking past us with strange orange beards. Stringy orange beards. And, we thought, Are they Trump impersonators who have let their makeup run - like, really badly run - or... And, all of a sudden, free nacho cheese didn't seem so appealing...
Enjoy,I'd Rather Be Napping Than Either
SOURCE: T-dot Ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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Quid Pro Whoa
When asked about American President Donald Trump's "unpredictability," Russian Premier Vladimir Putin said that "he should be respected" by his people. "Oh, sure, he hasn't jailed as many journalists as he should, and dissidents - known as 'protesters' in his country - do not disappear in nearly high enough numbers to create a proper atmosphere of fear. But, his heart is in the right place, and his people should keep that in minds. Foremost in their minds."
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744288]
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Self-awareness' Close Shave
Gillette has produced an ad that challenges what many social critics have called "toxic masculinity." What can we learn from the social media response to the ad?
ahsole027>I'm not like that. I love women. Some of my best friends are women. Not Bob, obviously. Or, Bill. Or, Phil. Or Stephen Quill. But, some of my best - okay, did I mention I love women? Honestly, I don't understand why good men such as myself have to be subjected to such hateful messages!
mommymayiaeee> This message tars all men with a pretty broad brush. If giglets doesn't remove the add immediately, I may just grow a beard in protest!
rowf_browlf_blarg027>Ferk u! Ferk yew! Ferk ewe! Ferking SJW (and, I'm not talking about Slavic Jeranium Waitresses, here) ruining a perfectly good piece of steel! Ferk yu, yur wives and misstresses and anybody else who might have anything to do with yu, yu ferking pieces of donkey excrement!
You have a long way to go, baby.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1013957494]
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Wha - Oh. Literary Humour. Ha Ha
Novelist Brian Garfield has died peacefully at the age of 79. It took an awfully long time for his Death Wish to be fulfilled...
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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4) Why Did So Many Poor People, Many Of Whom Will Lose The Chance To Send Their Children To University, Vote For The Conservatives?
Ontario Progressive Conservative problems on the new post-secondary math curriculum.
1) Tuition in the province's colleges is $10,000 per year. The government tells universities to cut tuition by 10 per cent. Student A has been studying at a provincial university under the previous government's free tuition programme. The free tuition programme will be abolished. How much money will be put back in the pocket of Student A?
2) Student B receives a $5,000 grant to offset her annual tuition. The government changes the rules so that she will only receive $2,500 in grants and $2,500 in loans for her remaining years. And, she will have to pay the money back sooner than in the past. Assuming that she is even eligible, because the requirements have been made more stringent. How much money will be put back in the pocket of Student B?
3) To make up the $440 million that will be taken away from them, the Conservative government has told colleges and universities to "be creative." How will colleges and universities do that?SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-379414794073613950cahs01.html]
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More Twists Than A Snake In Gastric Distress
Chooseco, which publishes Choose Your Own Adventure novels is suing Netflix over an interactive film in the science fiction anthology series Black Mirror. If you want Netflix to settle the suit, lf{5048#itemonea::go to 1}. If you want Netflix to fight the suit, lf{5048#itemtwoa::go to 2}.
1) The news will be forgotten and everybody will go about their lives as if it never happened.
2) Netflix argues that interactivity is not inherently copyrightable, that the system it, a television network, uses is fundamentally different than the system Chooseco, a book publisher, employs and that, in any case, Bandersnatch was really entertaining, so don't be poopyheads about it. If you want Chooseco to abide by the court's ruling in favour of Netflix, lf{5048#itemonea::go to 1}. If you want Chooseco to fight the court ruling in favour of Netflix, lf{5048#itemfivea::go to 5}.
3) Chooseco sues Unread Book News for reporting on the story in the form of an interactive news article. If you want to UBN to settle, lf{5048#itemfoura::go to 4}. If you want UBN to fight the lawsuit, dream on. We're a small company that doesn't have the resources for something like that! lf{5048#itemfoura::Go to 4}.
4) Unread Book News sends out a groveling apology and removes all copies of the article from the web that it has control over. If you want to find out more about the Netflix lawsuit, lf{5048#itemtwoa::go to 2}. If you have read enough about this subject, lf{5048#itemonea::go to 1}. Or, stop reading. You can do that, too, you know.
5) Chooseco lawyers are disappointed in the court ruling. If you want Chooseco to appeal the verdict, go to lf{5048#itemsixa::go to 6}. If you want Chooseco to find another target for its lawsuit, lf{5048#itemthreea::go to 3}.
6) The appeals judge laughs Chooseco out of her court. If you want Chooseco to appeal to the Supreme Court, get a life! Or, okay, lf{5048#itemsevena::go to 7}. If you want Chooseco to find another target for its lawsuit, lf{5048#itemthreea::go to 3}. If you want Chooseco lawyers to get a life, lf{5048#itemonea::go to 1}.
7) The Supreme Court declines to hear Chooseco's appeal. Laughter can be heard behind its closed doors. If you want Chooseco to find another target for its lawsuit, lf{5048#itemthreea::go to 3}. If you want a random dingo to spring out from behind a Taco Bell billboard, lf{5048#itemeighta::go to 8}.
8) A random dingo springs out from behind a Taco Bell billboard.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.79/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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