Thank you, Amazonian Premonica, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read that US President Donald Trump was not going to agree to be interviewed by Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller. This forced us to confront a dilemma: should we compare the news to the inevitability of the sun coming up in the east or to the inevitability of the phone ringing the moment you step into the shower?
The sun rising in the east has long been the go to comparison to something that happens so frequently and dependably that everybody knows it; we were, concerned, though, that the idea has become a cliche through overuse. The phone ringing the moment you enter the shower, on the other hand, isn't universally recognized for its metaphoric ability to evoke something that is...universally recognized. It's The New York Times vs. Medium. It's cheddar vs. pule (Serbian donkey milk cheese). The old stand-by vs. the up-and-comer.
We...couldn't decide. So, we're going with: it was obvious that Trump was not going to sit for an interview with Mueller, as obvious as the sun coming up the moment you step into the shower.
It, uhh, it may need some work...
Enjoy,"We'll Be Seeing The Birth Of New Species. I Don't Know About You, But I'm Excited!"
A 250,000 litre oil spill off Newfoundland's coast will, according to Scott Tessier, Chief Executive of the Canada-Newfoundland and Labrador Offshore Petroleum Board, be impossible to clean. But, the news might not be all bad. He pointed out that the marine life would evolve to be able to breath through oil-tinged water.
"It may take millions of years," Tessier allowed, "but it will happen. Who says the oil industry is only fixated on the short-term?"
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=499]
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I Don't Mean To Pilon The Criticism Of Him, But I'm Taking His Argument As Seriously As It Deserves
According to Alberta policeman Guy Pilon, now that marijuana is legal, people are going to blow themselves up in large numbers trying to make cannabis derivatives in their home. Pilon said that before cannabis was legalized, Edmonton police dealt with six butane hash oil labs. So, after legalization, they might have to deal with...eight or nine?
"It could be as many as 11 or 12," Sergeant Pilon claimed. "We're talking about double digits he - wait. Are you taking this seriously?"
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2018/11/22/509727.html]
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You Can Run, But You Can't Hyde-Smith
Some people think that statements made by deplorables are calculated for maximum offence. You know: size of community of potential offence x overtness of offensive sentiment x the D. Duke Coefficient = deplorable. I prefer to think that most statements made by people who reside in the basket of deplorables are from the heart, an actual representation of the deplorableness deep down in their souls.
I can be sentimental that way.
So, I would like to believe that Cindy Hyde-Smith, the stand-in Mississippi Republican Senator, was expressing her honest emotions when she made this thinly veiled reference to lynching. Appealing to the darkest elements of the history of the deep south as a conscious campaign tactic would be more appalling than deplorable, and I'm still getting estimates from builders for an appalling annex to the basket of deplorables, so, if that was the case, I would have no place to put Hyde-Smith.
On the other hand, when she made the statement, "There was no ill will, no intent whatsoever in my statement. This comment was twisted and it was turned into a weapon to use against me, a political weapon used for nothing but personal and political gain by my opponent," it was pure calculated political opportunism. No ill will? Where, exactly, is the good will in a lynching?
I suspect that many denizens of the bag of deplorables will be vacationing in the appalling annex. If that turns out to be the case, I may have to commission the creation of a high speed rail line between the two...
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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The Killing Of The Mother Of The Deer Was A...You Get The Idea
TERM: "Liberal ideology." DEFINITION: Any idea that can be used to stoke a conservative base. EXAMPLE: "Gender identity theory is...a highly controversial, unscientific, 'liberal ideology.'" ANOTHER EXAMPLE: "Race-neutral policing is...a highly controversial, unscientific, 'liberal ideology.'" ONE FINAL EXAMPLE FOR THOSE WHO MAY NOT BE GETTING THE POINT: "Bambi is...a highly controversial, unscientific, 'liberal ideology.'"
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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I Don't Even Want To Think About His Domain!
In a debate on road development, Leavenworth, Kansas County Commissioner Louis Klemp said of a black councilman, "I don't want you to think I'm picking on you, because we're part of the master race."
Part of the master race.
The master race.
How can somebody be part of the master race when they cannot even master their tongue?
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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When Identity Politics Creates An Identity Crisis
naughty 1) List the following uses of the phrase "This is not who I am" (or similar words to that effect) from most credible to least credible:SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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On The Plus Side, Reading Doesn't Get Any Easier...
President Donald Trump announced that his administration will release a full report on the killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in two days. Two days. We're looking forward to putting it on the shelf next to the President's tax returns.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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