Thank you, The Inveterate Confederate Invertebrate, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, speaking of reading, we heard that Margaret Atwood was planning on writing a sequel to The Handmaid's Tale. We have mixed feelings about this. The Handmaid's Tale was a great book. But, dark. Atwood is a terrific writer. But, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark. We're big fans of science fiction. But, did we mention that The Handmaid's Tale was dark? Because, you know, it was really dark.
So, okay, we're looking forward to getting our hands on the sequel when the book comes out. But, we'll be reading it in the dark.
Enjoy,What's All The Hullaba Lou?
Remember when Lou Dobbs was a respected journalist? No, seriously, he was once a respected reporter. If you don't believe me, ask your parents - no, just to be on the safe side, ask your grandparents. You don't want to take chances with ancient history...
So much deplorable, so little time. Millions of illegal immigrants have not crossed into the United States from Mexico. Discounting the thousands who have, quite legally, asked for asylum, only three illegal immigrants entered the country in the week before the election. And, Petey One-Eye doesn't really count: he got drunk one night and on the way home took a wrong turn at El Paso.
And, that immense impact on the election? If it had existed at all, it would have been less than a rounding error.
Dobbs may believe he has found a home at Fox News. But, it's obvious that his real home is in the basket.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1346533297]
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Gun Violence? I Can't Beer It Any More!
It might be obvious to you, me and Border Security and Organized Crime Reduction Minister Bill Blair that guns and alcohol don't mix. But try telling that to Alberta Conservative MPs Rachael Harder and Robert Sopuck, who hosted a "Guns and Guinness" fundraiser, where donors could drink beer and shoot skeet with their representatives in Parliament.
Defending the event, Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer accused the Liberals of restricting gun ownership for ordinary Canadians instead of "taking aim at the real criminals." He clearly wasn't paying attention, or he may have realized that his party was contributing to turning ordinary Canadians into real criminals!
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1503591831813&call_pageid=968338418492&col=968666970204]
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Jumping Border Flash, It's A Gas, Gas, Gas
The global chemical-weapons agency will investigate an alleged gas attack in Syria's Aleppo that reportedly wounded up to 100 people on Saturday, the agency's chief said on Monday. U.S. authorities on Sunday afternoon fired tear gas at members of the Central American migrant caravan who rushed the border fence and closed a major port of entry in the San Diego area on Sunday afternoon, sealing off vehicle and foot traffic at the busiest crossing along the U.S.-Mexico border.
Past investigations by the joint mission found that Syrian government forces has used chlorine and sarin gases several times in the civil war. "Would be very SMART if Mexico could stop the Caravans long before they get to our Southern Border, or if originating countries would not let them form (it is a way they get certain people out of their country and dump in U.S. No longer)," Trump wrote on Twitter on Sunday.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Want To Know The Seven Minute Window When You Can See The Sun At Queen And Bay? There Is, Of Course, An App For That
Between the street vendors selling meat of dubious provenance and souvenir vendors selling metal replicas of the CN Tower made in China, a new product has cropped up: bottled sunshine.
"The problem with all of these condo towers going up cheek by jowl in the downtown core is that it becomes harder and harder to see the sky from the street," said sunshine vendor and part-time albatross Pepito Marrone. "That's where my product comes in. You can get a bottle with an hour of sunshine for $10 or a three hour bottle for $25."
Couldn't people walking down the street just use the flashlight app on their phones? "No, no, no. You don't want that, man! Our product contains no artificial ingredients, just pure light directly from the sun. There's a lot of vitamins and other good shit in there! You think you can get that from a flashlight? Please!"
Not everybody is impressed with the product. "Twenty-three hours and 53 minutes of night? I am so there!" said Gothpreneur Yataelle Merchant. "Besides, this is just another example of taking something that is free and natural and packaging it in order to sell it to people!"
"Yeah, whatever," Marrone replied. "She's obviously not my target market..."
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=34311941317291305387fx]
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What About William Goldman, Who Wrote The Screenplays For Such Classics As Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and The Princess Bride, Who Died At The Age Of 87? You Know It's Been A Hard Week When He Doesn't Even Make Your List!
He was a giant of the film and television industry. Over a career that lasted decades, he created characters that sparked the imaginations of millions. He recently died of ALS at the age of 57. I'm talking, of course, of Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of SpongeBob Squarepants. He was -
What? You thought I was talking about Nicolas Roeg, the director of such films as Walkabout, Don't Look Now and The Man Who Fell to Earth, who died at the age of 90? Well, yes, okay, I can see how you would make that mista -
What? I was wrong - you were actually thinking that I was referring to Bernardo Bertolucci, who directed The Last Emperor, Last Tango in Paris and a variety of other films that didn't have "last" in the title? Because he also died (at the age of 77)?
Whoa. Too much! If this week had been a film, nobody would have believed it!
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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