Thank you, Sharon Sharalaik, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, last week we referred to Stephen Harper as a "ten gallon asshat." Many of our readers complained, and rightly so: we had already used that line years ago to describe Preston Manning. We apologize for recycling that insult, and promise that we will be more creative with our withering disparagement in the future.
Still - ten gallon asshat - we giggled the whole afternoon!
Enjoy,And, Predator Drones Are Good For The Environment Because...Umm...Because - Can We Get Our PR People To Get Back To You On That One?
The CIA has released a report for Earth Day claiming that the shredding and burning of Top Secret documents is good for the environment because it helps heat their buildings. Yeah, right. And, I suppose the killing of enemies and the dumping of their bodies in shallow graves is an Earth-friendly form of composting!
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=302]
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Lies, Damn Lies And Claims Of Satire
California Republican party official Marilyn Davenport sent out an e-mail to many of her closest friends and supporters that depicted President Obama's face super-imposed onto the body of a chimp. Under the image was the tagline: "Now you know why -- No birth certificate."
When the email became public (why do they believe the email will never become public?), Davenport gave the usual non-apology apology, saying, "I'm sorry if my email offended anyone" (if you apologize, shouldn't you admit your action was wrong; and, if you don't feel your action is wrong, why bother apologizing for it?). Then, to show how repentant she was, Davenport sought to hunt down the "cowardly" person who leaked the e-mail.
Not willing to leave bad enough alone, a couple of days later Davenport claimed that, "It struck me as political satire." Really, Marilyn? That's the way you want to go with this?
Jonathan Swift must be spinning in his grave fast enough to light a football stadium full of NAACP supporters for a five hour rally!
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Snow! In April! Where is Mel Lastman to call in the army when you need him?!
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Tea (Party) For The Tillerson
The median pay for top executives at 200 major American companies was $9.6 million last year, a 12 per cent increase over 2009. For decades, scientists have warned that humans may be ushering in a sixth mass extinction, and recently a group of scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, tested the hypothesis.
Some investors argue that talented executives bring outsize returns to shareholders and are worth the big money. Others say that's nonsense. If endangered species continue to disappear, a sixth extinction will occur, over just the next few centuries or millennia.
Mr. Tillerson's pay is more than double the combined $8.3 million that Statoil paid its nine top executives in 2010. The number of species facing extinction because of climate change may be vastly underestimated.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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I'm Sensing A Theme, Here...
Sun News Network. 1pm. Liberals are Stupid.
Sun News Network. 2pm. Liberals are Corrupt.
Sun News Network. 3pm. Liberals are Evil.
Sun News Network. 4pm. I Hate Liberals.
Sun News Network. 5pm. I Hate Liberals So Much - Really, You Have No Idea!
Sun News Network. 6pm. I'm Non-partisan - I Hate the NDP Just as Much as I Hate Liberals!
Sun News Network. 7pm. I Hate Liberals So Much - Really, You Have No Idea! (repeat)
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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He Who Lives By The Tea Party, Dies By The Tea Party
Republican Representative Paul Ryan was surprised when people at a town hall meeting where he was explaining his fix for the national budget deficit booed when he defended tax cuts for the wealthy and a voucher system for Medicare. Ryan promised the crowd that he would take swift action in response to their concerns.
He won't be going to any town hall meetings in the future.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2011-04-20-ryan-aint-even-tryin_x.htm]
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It's Not Like He Was Remaking Water World...
Production on the remake of sci fi classic Mad Max has been postponed for almost a year due to the destruction wrought by Australia's recent floods.
"Realistic environmental devastation has to be carefully crafted by experts," explained director George Miller. "You can't just leave it to...nature!"
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0072075/]
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Life Is A Journey, Not A Dedication
The 12 Stages Of The Modern Hero's Journey
1. The call.SOURCE: Unicycle
[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=507&but=allis1]
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On Second Thought...
The Chinese government has "encouraged" its country's artists to stop making films about time travel, which it claims are cheap and historically inaccurate. Since the government funds all art in the country, it would seem that its decision will preva
The Chinese government has "encouraged" its country's artists to make more films about time travel, which it claims are stimulating and instructive. Since the government funds all art in the country, it would seem that its decision will prevail.
"These films do great credit to our glorious nation and are very entertaining for our magnificent working men and women. Well done!" exclaimed Premier Wen Jiabao.
"Phew! Well, that's one less thing to worry abou - I mean, we applaud the Premier's artistic vision," responded time traveler Lam Hootai.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32706641454641919687fx]
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Deflector Shields On Absurd!
To celebrate the first anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, British Petroleum is suing the Gulf of Mexico. "Let's be honest," explained BP public relations hack Percival Hack. "The environmental impact of the incident would have been minimal if it wasn't for all that water between us and the oil. I mean, obviously, without that damn gulf, no marine ecosystems would be in harm's way!"
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=305]
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