Thank you, Kranti Aranyak, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, oh, Kranti, can't you see that individual acts of violence against the power structures of the state just lead to a further consolidation of its power through the indiscriminate use of police and/or military force? There is only one thing that the state cannot challenge. That's right: love. Come away with us and build a love that can withstand the state corporatist assault on all that is decent in the world. N...no? You...you reject our romantic notions in the name of an abstract ideal of hard-headed realism? Really?
Well, can you at least give us Bananabelle's number?
Enjoy,Friends Don't Let Friends Bomb Other Nations
Some countries are secretly concerned that, with bombing runs against Ivory Coast's strongman Laurent Gbagbo coming so soon after its air attacks establishing Libya's no-fly zone, France is becoming addicted to employing air power against other nations.
One country reportedly overheard France muttering to itself, "Yeah! Right! I am loving this! Okay, who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Yemen? Bahrain? Saudi Arabia? Come on - I haven't had this much fun since Algeria!"
The country - which prefers to remain anonymous because it has to get along with the other members of the United Nations Security Council - says a coalition of forces is being put together to have an intervention with France. "The first step in dealing with an addiction is acknowledging that you have an addiction," the country explained.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWRSIFPQFIPLDSM5WAACTQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUfleDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=30712]
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When Was It Called The Nortel Dome?
EXT. STREET - DAY
BIFF and BAFF walk towards each other.
BIFF: Hey man. You got tickets to the big game at the Microsoft Centre?
BAFF: Where?
BIFF: The Microsoft Centre.
BAFF: Where's that?
BIFF: You know. Downtown. Where the games are usually played.
BAFF: Oh. You mean the Bear Sterns Centre.
BIFF: Aww, man, it hasn't been called the Bear Sterns Centre for three years.
BAFF: That's not right. Three years ago, it was called the General Motors Centre. Then, it was called the Bear Sterns Centre.
BIFF: Aww, that's just stupid! It was the Bear Sterns Centre before it was the General Motors Centre!
BAFF: No, it wasn't! It was the MySpace Centre before it was the Bear Sterns Centre!
BIFF: It was never the MySpace Centre!
BAFF: Sure it was. For three days... You know. After it was the Silverado Savings and Loans Centre and before it was the Bear Sterns Centre.
BIFF: Aww, man, now you're talking ancient history. Are you sure we're talking about the same place?
BAFF: The place where there's a game tonight, right?
BIFF Right. (pause) So, you got tickets?
BAFF: Naah.
BIFF: Want some?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227466]
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You Keep The Vitriol Next To The Quill Pens You Use To Write Your Reviews
When I asked to review Cruelly Murdered by Keven McQueen, I thought it would be a true life crime story about a murderer named Keven McQueen. Imagine my surprise, then, when it turned out to be a fictional crime story written by Keven McQueen! I was so disappointed, I could hardly access my stores of vitriol!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.97/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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As Dangerous As A Butter Knife...That Would Be A Knife Made Of Butter
It's official: comedy in America has reached a new low. If the creation of the Comedy Central Comedy Awards explains anything, it is that comedy has become thoroughly domesticated. Next year, expect your cat to win an award, and it won't even have to LOL.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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The Only Other Option Was A Colouring Book, And That Would Be Undignified
So, you've passed an anti-union law through dubious means and a judge has responded with a temporary restraining order forcing you not to publish it in official sources until he can determine its legality. But, you really really really want the law to be implemented, even though you cannot legally publish it. What do you do?
Governor Scott Walker gave a copy of his union-busting law to Leanne Matroxifin, who published it in the General George S. Washingbasin High School newspaper, The Barking Antelope. "It's been published somewhere," Walker stated. "It's law. The Barking Antelope starts slashing at midnight."
Sounds like a password a spy might use to identify himself to his contact in a foreign land in a bad film, doesn't it?
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2011-04-01-normal-times-call-for-desperate-measures_x.htm]
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Snake's On A Plan
A snake escaped from the Bronx Zoo, but what happened to it wasn't a mystery. You just had to follow the animal's tweets:
@sssssssatlarge: four penguins appeared in my cage. The leader said: "Come with me if you want to live." So, I did.
@sssssssatlarge: After interminable plane ride, find myself in hot climate with giraffe, lion, zebra & hippo. Oh, this should be good!
@sssssssatlarge: Giraffe getting on my nerves. Not sure lion can be trusted. Coming here could have been biiiiiiiig mistake.
@sssssssatlarge: LEMURS!!!!!!!!!!!!
@sssssssatlarge: begged penguins to take me back. Leader says he's working on a plan. Lemurs keep giving me drinks with umbrellas.
@sssssssatlarge: penguins fly in plane made out of a dozen Kleenex boxes, a pair of scissors and rubber bands. I'm not afraid to dye, but...
@sssssssatlarge: HOME! Home! Ho-o-o-ome! I'll never leave you again, I swear!
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-794637486482632723017307284cahs01.html]
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REMEMBER: Almond Tonsils Do Not Go Well In Salads
According to "journalist" Margaret Wente, anti-Stephen Harper sentiments are rooted in the amygdala, the primitive part of the human brain that deals with, among other things, negative emotions. On the other hand, brain researchers believe that hardcore conservatives' amygdalas are generally engaged more frequently and for longer periods than those of liberals or moderates.
What have we learned from this excursion into science? Who knows? I will say this, though: amygdala activity in liberals' brains will go away when Harper does, whereas amygdala activity in conservative brains appears to be permanent.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=2578599031813&call_pageid=960205276392&col=968643988554]
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Oh, So, You Do Know?
I keep hearing this song that I like a lot, I think it's called THE STAND, but there must have been something wrong with the recording, because the chorus is "Everyone's BLANKED and they don't even know." I want to know. Everybody is what? Stoned? Bored? Unemployed? I've spent the last few hours racking my brain to come up with a word that would work in the context of the song. I got nothing. I can't stand it. Can somebody please, please tell me what everybody is before I go completely insane?
Man, am I fucked.
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=04/02/2011#127]
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