Thank you, Kay Sarah Seurat, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we had a Doris Day moment, and we can't, for the life of us, understand why.
Enjoy,Of Course, I'm Inciting Violence Against Conservatives By Pointing This Out
The Ugandan publication Rolling Stone (no relation, even though it does have a bitching music review section) is claiming that it bears no responsibility for the murder of homosexual David Kato, despite the fact that it ran an article claiming that homosexuals planned on "recruiting" a million children by 2012, published photos and home addresses of gay Ugandans and published another article with the headline, "Hang them."
"Words don't have consequences," insisted Rolling Stone editor Giles Muhame. "If Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin taught us nothing else - and they taught us so much - they taught us that."
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=R5UF32LWOLFPPQFIQMFSM8WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/
DUereDE/s149/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/CUeReCR/s119/Os/77/e7DUfRfDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21134]
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Has Own Security Forces; Needs To Travel PDQ
SEEKING POSITION: Dictator w/ 30 yrs experience. Skills: torture, assassination, looting treasury. Available immediately. Contact: HM.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/048732.qrhtml]
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Meanwhile, John Maynard Keynes Is Laughing His Ass Off
With Sumo wrestling in crisis over allegations of bout-rigging, Japan is turning its attention to competitive hole digging. Competitors are given 30 minutes to dig the deepest hole they can, although extra points are awarded for the most "creative" hole and the most original costume worn by the diggers.
The International Olympic Committee is monitoring events closely. It is possible that future Olympics will include:
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#67638003615]
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Buddha Bloodbath - Weren't They An Eighties Punk Band?
Q: I have always understood the phrase, "If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him," to mean that Buddha nature is in all of us, so we do not need to seek it in others. But, if the Buddha nature is in all of us, and we are supposed to kill him, does that mean that we are supposed to engage in a Buddha bloodbath until nobody is left alive?
A: Zucchini.
SOURCE: Everyday Zen
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/EverydayZen/koan239.html]
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Mad Money? My Money Is Positively Furious!
Romanian witches are up in hexes, again. This time, they are protesting a new proposed law that threatens them with fines or imprisonment if their predictions do not come true. Rumour has it that American economic pundits are lending their moral support to the witches' opposition to the bill.
If I have to explain to you why, can I first interest you in this penny mining stock called Rio Malario? Jim Cramer highly recommends it...
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec1ecda-5e7-4c18-buf9b-07b657cc12ec]
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China Just Stood There, Grinning
Among countries around the world, reaction to the news that Hosni Mubarak had resigned as Egypt's leader was swift, if confusing.
ISRAEL got all ferklempt and worried that it was having a heart attack. It phoned its relatives in Florida and asked if there was room for a visit. Nothing too long, maybe a week or two - you know, to "calm down" and "get its head straight."
THE UNITED STATES looked in a mirror and said to itself: "What do you mean, this is not about me? Everything that happens everywhere in the world is about me...isn't it?"
BRITAIN looked at its friend the United States and shook its head sadly. Some things you just have to learn for yourself.
SAUDI ARABIA tsked about how power makes some people soft, and that would never happen here, never in a million years, never, never, never, but...have you noticed that the generals are not as friendly to us as they used to be - I mean, it may just be my imagination, but a certain coldness has crept into the relationship, and that doesn't bode well because - well, never mind about that, except but maybe we should put an extra billion into the Swiss bank account and get on the phone to our travel agent just in case...
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2011Feb09.html]
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First Tragedy, Then Farce, Then Italian Politics
Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi has lashed out against prosecutors in Milan who are trying to fast track charges that he paid for sex with a 17 year-old girl, then covered it up, calling the allegations groundless and part of a smear campaign against him.
I think I see what the problem is here. Berlusconi imagines that he is Marcello Mastroianni, when, in reality, he is Roberto Benigni.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Meddle With The Primal Forces Of Television And CRTC Where It Gets You
The CRTC has proposed easing restrictions on broadcasters pulling shit out of a bag of crazy. The old rule was "too vague to allow our Conservative overlords to get the kind of right wing bag of crazy that they wanted to see on television," CRTC chair Konrad von Finckenstein claimed. "The new rules would allow you to pull anything you wanted out of the bag of crazy, as long as it didn't result in rioting in the streets or a rise in teen pregnancy. And, that seems fair. Yeah. Right. Sure, it does. Fair."
The CRTC denies that changes to the rules are intended to allow Sun TV to dig deeper into its bag of crazy when it goes on the air in a couple of months. "The timing," von Finckenstein, looking like he had a stick or other object up his ass, insisted, "was a...a...a coincidence, I assure you." Funny how his voice didn't quite synch up with the movement of his lips...
Meanwhile, Dean Del Mastro, Parliamentary Secretary to Heritage Minister James Moore, said the government pressed the CRTC for the change because constituents had complained that the big bag of crazy rules were an attack on free speech. Un hunh. Would these be the same constituents who complained about having to fill out the long-form census? "Oh, no," Del Mastro demurred, "that was completely different. The long-form census complaints were pulled out of the Industry Minister's ass. The bag of crazy complaints were pulled directly out of the Prime Minister's ass. This makes them much more authoritative."
Clearly, even with the rules currently in place, some people are happy with the talking points they pull out of the bag of crazy.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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