Thank you, Indelicato Brubaker, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we decided to apologize to our Jewish readers for one of last week's introductions, which read, in part: "then, we wished all of our Jewish readers a Happy Hanukkah. You all are going to spend an eternity suffering the horrors of eternal damnation, so you may as well have fun while you're here. Really. You think too much salt in the chicken soup is hell? You ain't seen nothing, bubbelach!" It was insensitive of us to say this. Out loud.
Enjoy,Fox News Will Be Celebrating Its Contribution
The State Department has announced that the United States will be hosting World Press Freedom Day in 2011. The Absurd Ironyometer wanted to consult WikiLeaks to find out how that came about, but couldn't find the Web site.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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As Long As A Canoe Wasn't Involved, I'll Go With Relief
Canadian author Anabel Lyon has not won the award for writing the year's worst literary sex scene. That - despite the temptation, one can hardly call it an honour - distinction went to Irish author Rowan Somerville for The Shape of Her.
The Canadian literary community is divided on whether this was a national tragedy or a huge relief.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.82/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Man Planneth, God Dost Laugh
And, the lord, our god, didst say that there wouldst be no more floods by his mighty smitey hand. And, the lord, our god didst give man dominion over the land and - and, this wast key - the free will to do with it whatsoever man wouldst. Yet, lo and behold, five of his preachers didst create a video in which they argued that man could not use his free will to destroy the land because god said he wouldst not do it. And, lo, there was much confusion in the land.
SOURCE: The Bible - The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_environmentalism02/lk12_3b.html]
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At Least They Had The Sense Not To Name Their Peace Prize After Sun Tzu
The Chinese government, having a hissy fit about democratic dissident Liu Xiaobo being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, has established its own, the Confucius Peace Prize. But, assuming it is successful - and who would dare tell the Chinese Communist Party that anything it did was not successful? - why stop there?
Not happy with recent winners of the Pulitzer Prize for Literature, China will set up its own literary prize, the Ban Biao Prize for Literary Merit. Dissatisfied with the choice of Tina Fey for the Mark Twain Award, China will establish its own Maq Twayan Award for Comedic Achievement.
Just don't expect to see the Chinese equivalent of a People's Choice Award any time soon.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UD23FLAPFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/12/JD187O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s135/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmegimme~g3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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Somehow, I Don't Think He's Talking About Woody Allen
How To Make A Bad Situation Worse, Texas Style
BAD: John Cook, a member of the Texas Republican Executive Committee, has been circulating emails deriding Republican State House Speaker Joe Straus because only a "true Christian speaker" would be fit to serve and Straus is Jewish. Separation of church and state? A myth.
WORSE: In an interview, Cook stated: "When I got involved in politics, I told people I wanted to put Christian conservatives in leadership positions. I want to make sure that a person I'm supporting is going to have my values. It's not anything about Jews and whether I think their religion is right or Muslims and whether I think their religion is right. ...I got into politics to put Christian conservatives into office. They're the people that do the best jobs overall." No religious test for elected or appointed officials? The framers of the Constitution were just kidding.
EVEN WORSE: Cook claims that he's not an anti-Semite because he has two Jewish friends and his "favourite person that's ever been on this earth is a Jew." Oy!
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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They Should Put Their Money Where Their Mouth Is? Which Part?
Okay, now I'm just confused.
The Republicans say that they want to bring down the deficit. Then, they say that they will not allow the Senate to do anything until it passes tax cuts for people making over $250,000, a move that will add $700 billion to the deficit! The Republicans say that extending unemployment benefits for people out of work, which could cost as much as $30 billion, must be funded. But, the $700 billion tax cut for the wealthy doesn't have to be funded.
Republicans' mouths must be incredibly versatile, because they have found new sides to talk out of. Or...or...could it be that they actually live in seven dimensions?! Could it be that they actually have a plan to get the economy going and put Americans back to work, but ordinary people can't see it because we only exist in four dimensions?
Naah. I'm going with the flexible mouths theory.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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But, Was The Game Worth Playing?
Differences between Americans and Canadians #327: Americans send their children to die in foreign wars to safeguard their oil supplies. Canadians send their children to die in foreign wars to safeguard their economic relationship with the country that wants to safeguard their oil supplies.
We win.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Nobody's On First
BUD: Nobody was hurt at the G20 summit.
LOU: Thank goodness for that.
BUD: What do you mean? Nobody was hurt.
LOU: Isn't it good that nobody was hurt?
BUD: Of course not! Nobody was just exercising his right to free speech and assembly.
LOU: Nobody was? I thought lots of people exercised their right to free speech and assembly - I've seen photos of a large protest.
BUD: Yes, but I'm talking about Nobody.
LOU: What is there to say about nobody?
BUD: What is there to say? Nobody was knocked down by police who then beat the crap out of him!
LOU: So...the police weren't brutal?
BUD: How can you say that wasn't brutal? Nobody needed several stitches to his face. SIU said it clearly was a case of brutality.
LOU: Against...nobody?
BUD: Now you understand.
LOU: I wish!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/[more].shtml]
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