Thank you, Flag Youngblood, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, hello! Can we please get a little service here? Would it be asking too much to get a little servi - HELLO! HELLO!
Boy, after such lousy service, Senate Majority leader Harry Reid better not expect a tip! Enjoy,Don't Let The Facts Get In The Way Of Policy - Now, That's A Platform Canadians Can Get Behind!
Stephen Harper, into his 27th year as minority Prime Minister, has announced that he will be slashing welfare benefits; now, only 12 people will be eligible.
When Howie Mandel, the most popular Liberal leader in decades, howled that there were far more needy people in the country than that, Harper stifled a yawn and argued: "That's what the voluntary long-form census information shows us. If you have any additional sources of information other than your butt, I'd be happy to ignore them."
Harper is reported to have added under his breath, "Conservative policy is so much easier to implement when you don't have to worry about...facts."
In a related story, in her recently released autobiography, Just Because You Can Count Doesn't Mean You Do Count, former Privacy Commissioner Jennifer Stoddart claimed that, contrary to the assertions of Harper's government of the day, she did not ask for changes to be made to the census based on privacy fears. In fact, between 2001 and 2011, her office had fielded a total of three complains about it. "Not exactly a groundswell of indignation," Stoddart wrote.
"You see?" responded Harper. "This is exactly the kind of thing that gets in the way of Conservative policy-making that I was talking about!"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32302641306641300787fx]
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David Letterman Sleeps A Little More Soundly Tonight
Harvey Pekar has died at the age of 70. No wonder America has been losing its Splendour...
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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YES! And, Completely Irony-Free And Not Self-aware!
The Tea Party has paid for a billboard that equates Obama with Hitler and Lenin. Par for the course. The caption under the images reads: "Radical leaders prey on the fearful and naive."
The Absurd Ironyometer is currently on vacation in Florida with its wife and family. Taking its place while it is gone is the Hypocrisy Leader Board. The Hypocrisy Leader Board would like readers to know that it is humbled to have been given this important duty, and, while it can never replace the Absurd Ironyometer, hopes to do it proud. The Hypocrisy Leader Board clears its throat and...yes, yes, it looks like it is ready to respond.
"ARE THESE PEOPLE COMPLETELY INSANE?"
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Michael Ignatieff has kicked off a summer bus tour that he hopes will bring the Liberal message to Canadians. And, so far, it has been highly representative of his leadership.
The coach the tour has been using broke down at the Ontario-Quebec border.
Using the old saying "When life gives you mud, make mudpies" as their marketing strategy, Ignatieff spokespeople have called this a triumph for their leader. "You don't see Conservative vehicles breaking down!" one Liberal staffer, who, significantly, asked to remain anonymous, stated. "I'll bet they're not even familiar with the concept of changing a tire! Clearly, Stephen Harper and the Conservatives are out of touch!"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2010/07/08/ignatiefftiredofleadership100708]
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Sucking Up To The Far Right: A Sarkozy Arrangement
France's lower house of Parliament has overwhelmingly passed a ban on wearing burqa-style veils. "A ban on burqas is not an attack on Muslims," insisted French President Nicolas Sarkozy. "Jews are not allowed to wear burqas, either."
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=
M5UF23LWORFFPQFISTVSM5WAVCBC0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21713]
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Do You Have A Permit For That Irony?
After amassing thousands of images and dozens of videos of the use of violent force, illegal arrests and the masking of identities, G20 protesters have launched a public appeal.
On Wednesday, representatives of the protestors announced they are asking the public to help them identify officers who were part of the police rampage on downtown streets. They released photos of 20 officers whose nameplates had been velcroed over.
Anybody who can identify any of the officers are asked to tell their children, who will tweet the information to the improper authorities.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1088505831813&call_pageid=968335248492&col=968666988854]
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MONDAY: It's that time of year, again: the birds are eating the cherries off the tree in out front yard, getting drunk and flying into the windows of our house with an audible THUNK! I swear, it's like watching Charlie Chaplin perform in a film directed by Alfred Hitchcock!
TUESDAY: I was looking through videos that had been given to the Salvation Army. It made me sad to think that some family had to sell their entertainment in order to make ends meet. Then, I saw Battlefield Earth on the shelf, and the feeling went away.
WEDNESDAY: What angers me the most about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is the wasted opportunity. If it had been cooking oil leaking into the ecosystem, we could at least have boiled and eaten the animals in the affected marshes and wetlands. As it is, their deaths serve no purpose whatsoever!
THURSDAY: My dental hygienist sighs. I'd like to think it's because she has some hidden desire that she knows must never be fulfilled. But, the reality is that it's probably because I don't floss enough.
FRIDAY: Oh, while I'm on the subject: why do dental hygienists polish the backs of our teeth? Does my hygienist seriously think I'm going to get close enough to another human being to allow them to see back there?
SATURDAY: To all the haters who didn't like Wednesday's comment about the oil spill: I wasn't the one who made braised Pelican a l'orange so tasty!
SUNDAY: Selfridges department store in London has announced that it will launch its Christmas season on August 2. Okay. Why not? Apparently, nothing says Christmas like lounging by the pool in the sweltering heat, sipping a non-alcoholic beverage because you're watching your weight and wondering if you're going to get heat stroke. Ho ho ho.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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