Thank you, Robert Grosseteste, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we all got in touch with our inner lemurs, and moderate amounts of hell broke loose in the office!
Enjoy,How Long Would It Take To Phone A Million People?
Today is Quit Internet Day - the day when geeks all over the world who are fed up with the lack of privacy that doing just about anything on the Internet entails can act on their displeasure by disconnecting.
"The response has been fantastic!" enthused organizer Joseph Dee. "Our Web page has gotten over 750,000 unique visitors in the last month alone! We had over a million people sign up for our Facebook group! We have over 500,000 followers on Twitter! Bloggers have taken up the cause, too: dozens of articles have been written about Quit Internet Day!"
And, how will they let their followers know if they have been successful? "Well," Dee responded, "of course, we'll Tweet the results of...no, wait. That won't work. Umm...well, we can definitely announce it on our Web...no, that won't work, either. We'll send an email to all of the bloggers that have...erk...we, uhh, we may have to rethink this!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/100531/geeklynews/01fookina.htm]
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Go Ahead - Remake My Day!
Midnight Express. Produced by George W. Bush. Starring Marc Emery. A remake of the classic film about efforts to get an American out of a Turkish prison, where he has been sent after running afoul of the country's draconian drug laws. The remake is about efforts to spring a Canadian out of an American prison, where he has been sent after...umm...after running afoul of...uhh, yeah...
You might want to wait until it comes out on DVD.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0071350/]
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Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid! [We'll Fill In The Details Later...]
MONDAY: Did you know that as many as 40 per cent of court cases in the Central African Republic are witchcraft prosecutions? Witchcraft! Really! In this day and age! How barbaric! How backwards! We do not prosecute people for being witches in America. No, we make them professors in business schools!
TUESDAY: What would happen if every radio station in the world played ZZ Top at the same time? I know, the odds of it happening aren't very good. Still, ARE YOU PREPARED?
WEDNESDAY: I kind of feel bad for BP's Alaska pipeline operation. Yesterday, Pump Station 9, at Delta Junction on the 800 mile long pipeline, ruptured, spilling over 100,000 gallons of crude oil. On an ordinary day, that would be big news. Unfortunately, BP's Gulf oil spill got all of the attention. Hey! I have an older sister - I know what it's like growing up in the shadow of siblings. You just keep spilling that oil, Alaska pipeline: eventually, you will get the attention that you deserve!
THURSDAY: I could take offence. The problem is that I never know where to put it afterwards...
FRIDAY: Oh, Jake! Prince of Persia? Really? Why? Just...why?
SATURDAY: Why is it called menopause when it happens to women?
SUNDAY: Jesus! Gary Coleman's body isn't even cold, and Dennis Hopper goes and dies. I mean, sure, Hopper's death was not a surprise - he had been gravely ill for a long time. But, that's the point: couldn't he have held out a few more days so Coleman's death could have gotten more attention? I tell you - even in death, Gary Coleman gets the short end of the stick!
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Jay Hill? Sounds More Like Jonah Hill To Me!
The Conservative government has come up with a plan to end the controversy surrounding disclosure of MP expenses to the Auditor-General: the Parliamentary Board of Internal Economy will set the terms, including the timing, of any audits.
"Then," said Conservative House Leader Jay Hill with a mischievous smile, "we'll make sure that the Auditor-General can look at our expenses any time she wishes...as long as the position is vacant. As soon as somebody is actually appointed to the position, the window of opportunity will close. Everybody gets what they want!"
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Eating Healthy - The British Petroleum Way
People have been asking us what exactly dispersants do to an oil spill. To help you understand the answer to this question, imagine a pan full of greasy water.
Dispersants cut the grease into tinier and tinier blobs, until it is almost invisible. That way, you can drain the water out of the pan and believe that it is clean enough to cook in again. Of course, it is now coated with grease - not to mention the chemical dispersant - which itself is toxic - no, no, forget we mentioned that.
But, now it looks good enough to eat off of!
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc001&articleID=1124H3EC-2C145-20K5-AA1582614B711111111]
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You Say Party! We Say Die! drummer Devon Clifford has died after collapsing onstage during a show in Vancouver. Maybe he should have stuck with Saying Party.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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I GREW UP IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND. I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE SURROUNDED BY DIRT.
Getting a hole dug is a critical part of destroying the land. For years, at oil sand drilling locations, we started this process by cutting down trees and removing topsoil, and it would take 10 to 20 years to shear away enough rock and sand to make drilling for the tarry oil below possible. Recently, drawing on research from the University of Alberta, we learned how to create an advertising campaign that allows us to plant doubt about our business' environmental destructiveness in the minds of the gullible right away. So, now, the forest can be destroyed in a few short years, rather than a few decades, and nobody will be the wiser.
Finding innovative ways to limit public knowledge of the environmental impacts of our business is key to meeting our shareholders' profit needs. Don't take a closer look.
A message from Canada's Oil Sand Producers
CRAPPSOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1777952603]
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