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Enjoy,That And: When Is He Going Into Rehab For His Addiction?
Today is the 30th anniversary of the birth of Pac-Man, and the question on everybody's lips is: when is he going to make an honest woman out of Ms. Pac-Man?
"Let's be honest: Myron would rather pop pills and chase ghosts than settle down and have a family," Pac-Mom, Pac-Man's mother, told us in an exclusive interview. "But, really, he's not as young as he used to be. By the time Byron - Myron's father - may he rest in peace - was 30, we had already been married for 25 years and had 12 children. Really, it's time that Myron settled down!"
SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag
[http://boiswillbe.com#ipo_article=149]
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Mising Inaction
Sunday. 11am. NBC. Run Away from the Press. Kentucky Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul decides not to appear on NBC's venerated political chat show for fear that his libertarian views may be construed by the host and understood by the audience.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Other Than Being Braver, Funnier And Prettier Than I Am, It's Like She And I Are Two Peas In A Pod!
In the forward to The Bedwetter, Sarah Silverman says that she would be happy if people read her new book in the bathroom. The review of one of my books, Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, ends with the suggestion that it is best read in the bathroom. I have never felt so close to Silverman.
Okay, that suggestion is not called for. I have gotten help, thank you very much.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Should Condition Persist, Consult Your Dentist Or Favourite Political Pundit
Gingritchivitis (noun): a medical condition wherein a politician says something utterly ridiculously reprehensible as though it were the most reasonable thing in the world. EXAMPLE: "He wrote that the Obama Administration 'represents as great a threat to America as Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union?' I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Newt suffers from Gingritchivitis!"
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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One Instance In Which The Withdrawal Method Could Actually Work
Rima Fakih, this...Arab-American princess - well, she just won the Miss USA beauty pageant. Big deal, right? WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! I mean, yes, of course it is a big deal - I wouldn't be talking about it if it wasn't - I'm disagreeing with the irony with which the sentiment 'big deal' is usually expressed, not the actual sentiment itself. I mean - ...See, here's the thing... for the coming year, America's young men are going to be masturbating over images of an Arab woman. Masturbating. While looking at pictures of an Arab woman. Just, just, just think about this for a moment, okay? No, don't think about it like that! Think about it like this: when they're old enough to be drafted, are they going to be as willing to kill Arabs? Of course not! First, we have an Arab beauty queen - next thing you know, we're pulling out of Iraq!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_042110/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Will That Be Laser Canon?
The idea that a comedy could be set in the Star Wars universe is funnier than anything LucasFilm is likely to actually produce.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2010/2010/04/23/theempirestrikesout/
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Man Plans, God Checks The Latest Ratings
INT. OFFICE - DAY
We are in the lavish office of a Comedy Central executive. Logos and character photos dominate the walls. BIF BERKHARDT (25, preppy) sits behind a large desk on which sits a computer and lots of toys. DONNA GLENN (40ish, dowdy) sits opposite.
BIF: Okay, Donna. You say you've got a great idea for a new show on Comedy Central. Let's hear it.
DONNA: I'm all for a movie or cartoon about Jesus, but make it real.
BIF: Real. Okay. Gotcha. You wanna make it real.
DONNA: I would like to recommend to Comedy Central to spend its time researching and studying the Bible.
BIF: Umm...well...I haven't read it in a while, but I'm sure research will confirm that there's not a lot of yuks in the Bible...
DONNA: After the research, then I recommend it spend its money telling the real story of Jesus in a cartoon.
BIF: Okay. Let me stop you right there. You've been pitching for 30 seconds, and I'm not laughing. You see the problem here?
DONNA: Comedy Central should rise above the rest and portray the real life and teachings of Jesus.
BIF: Yeah. Jesus. Listen, don't get me wrong - the Sermon on the Mount was a great speech and all, but not exactly a barrel of laughs. When was the last time you were at a comedy club? Ever? I guarantee you that Jesus would not have lasted 30 seconds on the stage on open mic night!
DONNA: Just think, Comedy Central could be known for leading lost people to Jesus.
BIF: You know, Comedy Central is already known for seven year-olds who swear like sailors and dick jokes. And, I'm okay with that.
DONNA: So...you're not interested in producing Jesus, The Saviour?
BIF: Sorry. Not our demographic. Or, for that matter, the network's mandate.
DONNA: You know you're going to burn in hell for this?
BIF: Lady, I'm a television executive. It comes with the job!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227349]
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Chill, Baby, Chill
According to almost full term Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, Barack Obama has led a lax response to the Gulf of Mexico spill because he is too close to big oil companies such as British Petroleum.
The Absurd Ironyometer had a brain haemorrhage and had to be rushed to hospital. After an eleven hour operation, it was reported to be in stable condition. Doctors are hopeful that it will make a full recovery, although there is a good chance that it will never play the piano again.
A deluge of ancient jokes followed.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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