Thank you, Evidence Removal VII, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, we know, deep down in hearts just know that infrastructure determines superstructure. But, do you think this knowledge helped us get to third base with Cindy-Betty de la Splunge?
Enjoy,If It Hadn't Seen Its Shadow, It Would Have Been Six
On Tuesday, Fox News stuck its head out of its hole and, seeing snow, declared three more decades of global warming denial.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2010-02-15-fox-snow-job_x.htm]
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Oddly, The Victory In Ice Dancing Didn't Help
The Canadian men's Olympic hockey team lost to the United States by a score of five to three. All 30+ million Canadians immediately committed suicide.
"Can we...can we move in?" a startled President Obama asked. "Nobody lives there any more. Can we squat on the country? I mean, this is a terrible tragedy, and our hearts would go out to the survivors if there were any survivors. But, we have to move forward, and that means asking the question: if nobody lives in a country, should the United Nations still recognize its sovereignty?"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322640304640304687fx]
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You've Been Schooled, Olde School
Why it is a good thing Facebook wasn't around on April 14, 1865:
Welcome to the Lincoln got what was coming to him group
This is a group dedicated to the proposition that Abraham Lincoln was a traitor to the ideals on which this country was founded and that his assassination was a glorious day for America.
WALL
pg27snout: teh tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with teh blood of patriots and tyrants, baby. teh tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with teh blood of patriots and tyrants!
BoothBro1093: Lincoln was just the beginning!!!!!!!!
reAList12: The President of the United States has just been Foully Murder'd. Have you no Compassion?
pg27snout: suck it up, buddy! case you hadn't noticed, teh world's ending, but a better world will be built on its ashes. if some people have to die in teh process, i'll shed blood while you shed yer tears.
BoothBro1093: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=523&dir=bb]
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John The Boehnerhead
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/doggywantaboehner.shtml]
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Somebody Clearly Got The Wrong Lessons Out Of Dickens!
The Utah state legislature has floated the proposal of eliminating grades nine through 12 in an effort to balance its budget. "Aren't students ready for the real world at the age of 14?" asked state Senator Chris Buttars. "And, if they aren't, what are their parents doing wrong?"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1106742400287860.xml]
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Fish Or Cut Race Bait
Utah state Senator Mark Madsen submitted a bill to the state legislature proposing a holiday be named after John M. Browning, "an Ogden native and one of the most significant pioneers in firearms manufacturing." The day Madsen was considering was Martin Luther King Day.
Senator Madsen, are you on crack?
"Both made tremendous contributions to individual freedom and individual liberty," Madsen explained. Sure. One thought that owning guns was the path to individual liberty, the other effectively disproved the idea.
SOURCE: Are You On Crack?
[http://www.finstermaninternational/~johnny/home]
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The Utah Senate is the first legislature in America to declare environmentalists "terrorists," and ask that they be enhanced interrogated with extreme prejudice.
"Climate alarmists are causing unnecessary fear and alarm to ordinary oil and coal producers throughout the country," a state resolution states, "and they need to be dealt with so that we can live in peace." Not surprisingly, oil and coal are two of the state's biggest industries.
In response to the resolution, Greenpeace International communications officer Martin Lloyd shrugged and said, "Is it too late to find safe haven in Canada? Well, maybe not Canada any more...how about...Saudi Arabia? Yeah, Saudi Arabia's probably safer than Canada. Sigh."
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Canadian Politician Suffers From American Hearings Envy
Jeff Watson, a Conservative MP, said he will soon ask for Parliamentary hearings to question Toyota executives on the recall of more than 700,000 of its cars and trucks since November.
"Pointless political grandstanding is of the utmost importance to me," Watson said in a letter to Merv Tweed, the head of the standing committee on transport, infrastructure and communities. "And I will not rest until I have exploited this tragedy for as much publicity as I can wring out of it."
"Oh, and the safety of Canadian drivers is kind of important, too," Watson added.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2010/02/23/thegamesafootwatson100223]
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In Tonight's Cage Match: The Public Option Goes Toe To Toe With The Nuclear Option For Public Rhetoric Supremacy!
REPUBLICANS: The Democrats trying to pass a health care bill by reconciliation? Some people would call that the Nuclear Option.
MEDIA: But, you're the only ones calling it the Nuclear Option.
REPUBLICANS: What? We don't count as some people?
MEDIA: Mmm...the last time anybody talked about the Nuclear Option, it was about ending the filibuster of judicial appointments, not passing health care reform.
REPUBLICANS: Yeah? So?
MEDIA: And, at that time, you were in favour of the Nuclear Option, not against it.
REPUBLICANS: And, your point is?
MEDIA: Are you expecting the media to have collective amnesia? You really think we'll just forget that you used to support what you are now railing against, and that, in any case, it meant something completely different at the time?
REPUBLICANS: Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.
MEDIA: Oh. Okay. Nuclear Option it is.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/108#.htm]
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