Changing the world 700 words at a time...
Try to look for the light at the end of the carpal tunnel...
Oh, come on! If you wanted profundity, you'd be reading Heidegger right now!
Is that a fiscal imbalance in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Ecce Home Ec...
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to call it womenopause?
Don't mess with me – I've got a Borscht Belt in comedy!
If Neitzche was alive today, would he be writing books like Beyonce Good and Evil?
If somebody says "You've got great colour..." to me one more time...!
I could have been a wise man, but I'm allergic to frankincense...
Hey! Les Pages aux Folles is my domain, and I rule with an irony fist!
I don't believe in supernatural beings, and Yeti...
To heck with Hell!
Don't fondly fondle the fondue foundation...
I know my predictions don't always come true: I'm a victim of premature oraculation...
You want to see more articles on a rock whose minerals have aligned themselves in one direction in response to deformation stresses, with the result that the rock can be split in parallel layers? No schist...
For the love of humanity, no more cartoons about talking animals!
Erica's troika of Eroica Erotica? Yoikes!
I would work with Aaron Sorkin in a heartbeat! Whose heart has to stop beating to make it happen...?
I tend to err on the side of error...
As the detective who cracked the case of the phony puzzle pieces ring might say, the jigsaw is up!
Ever since she graduated, she's been living laude...
My favourite chocolate flavoured breakfast cereal in the shape of eyeballs: Count Ocular...
You know, liking Green Day doesn't make you young...
The unsatirized life is not worth living...
Meeting The Big Lie with The Big Meh...
Political humour delivered piping hot to your door in under 30 minutes or it's free...
Live and burn, my friend, live and burn...
The definition of humane Jewish fishing: kvetch and release...
I'll take Isis as is if it pleases me...
I wasn't invited to the party, so I created my own...
Oh, thank you very much, oh great academic hunter Elmer Phd...
I strangled my inner vegetarian at birth...
The doscent's descent was decently scented...
Lost the plot? Look under the lamppost – it's brighter there...
We now return you to your regularly scheduled chaos and mayhem...
Hardworking theatre troupes pull out all the Stoppards...
If I had known it was loaded, I would never have pointed it there!
Of course I'm quick with a cutting remark. I work at the speed of slight...
People who don't understand the attraction of drugs should be looking in vein...
Why the NFL and the NRA should merge, reason 37: they both believe in a shotgun defense...
The DVD release of That's My Bush proves that god is on life support in a constant vegetative state...
Yeah, sure, I live on a hill – but I don't dwell on it...
I believe the former Vice President created mathematics. Why do you think they call them Al Gore Rhythms?
If I had known you were loaded, I would never have pointed you there!
Unfortunately, to become disillusioned, you have to start by being illusioned...
I wouldn't click on that if I was y
You have to tweak the nose of authority, or what is obscurity for?
Xanadu...Xanax – it's such a fine line...
I know these pants make me look fat, but it's not what it seams...
Rock and roll is like an old girlfriend: it may forgive, but it never forgets...
With my luck, it'll probably be easier for me to get on a long no-fly list than on a Leacock short list...
Where the abnormal is normal...
Well, duh, sir! I say! Well, duh!
I can deny it no longer! I am a member of the Knights Template...!
Nature is not a sex toy!
Mmm...misery...tastes like chicken...
I'm not autistic – I'm just depressed!
The lexicographers vowed that they would stay together tilde death did them part...
Is it too much to ask to get Victoria Sinclair's autograph before I die? Really?
The ogre ogled his Googled goggles...
It happens that way...even when it doesn't...especially when it doesn't!
I could have been a wise guy, but I'm allergic to bullets...
