It's...is it? Yes! It's Jason Statham! The star of Crank (which I didn't see)! And, The Transporter (which I didn't see)! And, Transporter 2 (which I also didn't see)! And, Transporter 3 (well, I hadn't seen the first two, so I didn't see much point...)! And, Death Race (which I didn't see because I'm still loyal to Paul Bartel, unlike some people I could mention...)! And, lots of other movies that I've never seen! Do I care? Of course not! HE'S A STAR!
How about this? Is this Vin Diesel? No, not the guy with the Ship Happens shirt. At least, I think it's a guy... THE BALD GUY NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE RED CARPET! Yeah, I don't imagine Vin Diesel will be walking down any red carpets to collect any awards any time soon. Still, he's a - what? Vin Diesel doesn't have a film in the Festival this year? Maybe he's here just because he loves film - did you ever think of - no? Okay, well, even if it isn't Vin Diesel, it's SOMEBODY WHO LOOKS LIKE A STAR FROM BEHIND! And, that's good enough for me.
Local news? Uhh, no.
Hey! There's a guy with an ID badge! He must be...somebody connected with movies! Not a star, but maybe a...gaffer or something. (What is a gaffer, anyway? I mean, what do they do with all that tape?)
Okay, now we're getting somewhere! Two people with ID badges - AND THEY'RE RED! AND, ONE OF THEM IS TALKING ON A CELLPHONE! We're looking at a producer right here, we are! And a...a producerette! Not exactly stars, but high up on the food chain!
A volunteer? I know he has an ID badge, but - seriously? A volunteer?
See, this is more like it! Not only has this guy got an ID badge - BUT IT'S A PHOTO ID! The Boy says he's probably a local filmmaker who directed a short. A short celebrity? His photo ID tells me that he's a director - a feature director, okay? - that, years from now, everybody is gonna know about. Scoff if you must, but photo IDs never lie!
JACKPOT! Here is a woman with a photo ID using a Blackberry! This image just screams major women's film producer! I can't wait to see her on Oprah! The afternoon just kept getting better!
Hmm...let's see. Asian woman in white tights? Check. Man with long hair in a tuxedo? Check. Older white haired man in jeans and t-shirt? Check. Besuited man with a pony tail paying for the taxi? Check and check. None of them have IDs. None of them have to. WE GOT US AN ENTOURAGE HERE! But, where is the celebrity? I'm not sure. But, after years of Festival-going, I do know one thing: where there's an entourage, a celebrity must be in the vicinity!
OMFG - IT'S GEORGE CLOONEY! GEORGE EFFIN CLOONEY! THE COOLEST, HANDSOMEST...COOLEST MAN IN FILM! You, uhh, may not be able to see him - I was so awed by his magnificent presence that I didn't actually get my camera out until he had just about turned the corner. That's his, uhh, hand. IT'S GEORGE CLOONEY'S HAND! I TOOK A PHOTO OF GEORGE CLOONEY'S HAND! HOW EFFIN AWESOME IS THAT! He's pointing at something he stepped in on the sidewalk - I think he wants it cleaned up. Let me say that NOBODY STEPS IN SHIT WITH AS MUCH WIT, AS MUCH GRACE, AS MUCH SHEER MASCULINITY AS GEORGE EFFIN CLOONEY! My festival is now complete.
