The Daily Me - Dakshana Bascaramurty

Thank you, Dakshana Bascaramurty, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we blew up the moon, and there just didn't seem to be a point any more. There just didn't seem to be a point...

Eliot! Eliot! He's Our Man! If He Can't Capture The Complexity Of Life In Developing Urban Settings In A Poem, No One Can!

A BBC poll has named T. S. Eliot Britain's favourite poet. Response to the announcement has been mixed.

"That just shows how low poetic literacy has fallen in the country," groused William Blake. "I'm not bitter. I'm just saying."

"Oh, bugger!" commented William Wordsworth. "I mean, it's just a sodding popularity contest, isn't it? Big dea - oh, bloody bugger!"

"Excuse me, but I do appear to be dying," responded John Keats.

Eliot himself made rumbling noises, then talked for half an hour in the voice of a London prostitute. "Oh, give it a rest!" Blake muttered.

SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page

[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Absolutely Not! But, Hey, While You're Here, Have You Heard About Jack Layton's "Special Relationship" With Oreo Cookies?

Conservative Immigration Minister Jason Kenney has released a memo claiming that a fig tree grows inside Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff's head. "Three, actually," an undisclosed source in the Immigration Ministry stated. "And, two potted geraniums...and...a maple - you know, for shade."

Ignatieff said that that was the most ludi - heeeeeeeeeeeeey! Are the Conservatives using the media to disseminate nonsense about its opponents?

SOURCE: Canadian Depress

[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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At Last, The Truth Can Be Told! Science Is An Invention Of Karl Marx To Enslave Free People Throughout The World!

When first told that the United States was going to bomb the moon, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said, "What's the good of that? The moon hasn't attacked us. We have no military reason to bomb it. It's reckless militarism, a war of choice, rather than necessity. It's not like the national security of...the...uhh...gulp..."

After a moment's reflection, McConnell continued: "I mean, what's the good of that? If we start bombing the moon, sooner or later we're gonna have to follow up with troops. And, we can't afford to send troops to the moon - I mean, the United States army is the greatest fighting force the world has ever seen, but it's stretched to the limit with the two wars we're fighting down here on Earth!"

When somebody suggested that the moon was being bombed for science, McConnell blinked a couple of times and responded: "Science? What's that? Some new socialist plot?"

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Remember: When You Collapse The Pillars Of The Financial System, You're Left Without A Leg To Stand On

Canada's six major banks have ignored a directive from Finance Minister Jim Flaherty that they stop selling insurance on their Web sites.

Stephanie Lu, a spokesperson for the Royal Bank of Canada, defended the banks' position by saying: "Well, you know, having the best financial system in the world is nice, and all, but there is an ebb and flow to these things. Surely, the Minister didn't expect it to last forever..."

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=43ddccd7-f6f3-4ff4-9f25-a2eb4cc6a878]
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Thanks For Sharing

October 21: Masturbate with A Friend Day

Love is better when it is shared. But, if one of you doesn't want to share it with the other, there are still ways of sharing it, if you know what we mean. You can sit on opposite sides of the room as you masturbate. If you don't have a big enough room, you can masturbate in different places, texting each other as you do it. If the two of you are more adventurous, you can blog. Masturbation doesn't have to be a lonely pursuit - that is the message of Masturbate with A Friend Day.

SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages

[http://www.utopia.tv/erewhon/index.html]
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DYI Foreign Policy

Republican Senator Jim DeMint went to Honduras to express his support for the military dictatorship that recently executed a coup against the country's democratically elected government. The United States has condemned the coup and refuses to recognize the military government as legitimate.

If DeMint is successful, you can expect other Republican politicians to follow his example. Mitch McConnell go to Iraq to renegotiate the status of forces agreement. Michele Bachmann will go to Russia to meet with dissidents and tell Vladimir Putin in no uncertain terms that defense bases will go into Poland and the Czech Republic. Eric Cantor will lead a missile strike against Iran's nuclear facilities.

Come on, people! When Ronald Reagan sent representatives to Iran to get the Ayatollahs to keep American hostages so Jimmy Carter would look weak and lose the 1980 election, it was a secret. The Republicans stonewalled investigations for decades in order to keep the public from knowing. It's like you're not even trying to hide the fact that you're committing treason!

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/108^.htm]
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I Hope You Wrote This Anonymously

David Letterman spent 10 minutes explaining that he had been blackmailed for having sex with somebody who worked on his show? Are you serious? If everybody at Wawaneesa got in trouble for having sex with co-workers, the company wouldn't be able to function!

Seriously! Half the shipping staff would be gone. Almost all of the IT department would be fired immediately. The CEO and three quarters of the vice presidents would be out on their asses. Okay, no great loss there. But, seriously, how long would the company last without the IT department?

SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter

[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/October2009.txt]
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The World Is Their Exhibition Space

Were you there? You know, at Nuit Blanche? If you weren't there, you missed it. Just the biggest fine art exhibition in the city. No biggie. Here are some of the highlights:

Jeff Koons' next big idea: lucky rabbit foot keychains large enough to hang from the chimney of your house.

You think you have problems holding your liquor? Artists do everything bigger! Somewhere, an alcoholic is mourning.

Then the deep rumbling music started, and a door opened up and the aliens walked out of the mist and...okay, this is City Hall with a fancy light show. Ominous image. Somewhere, a mayor is weeping.

Spikes. Projected images. Strange surfaces. To paraphrase that famous philosopher Vince Vaughan, now it's an art party!

SOURCE: Art Splorts

[http://www.artsplorts.com/diary/id=9321]
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