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Enjoy,Laughter Is The Best Economic Stimulus
Industry Minister Tony Clement has called for public disclosure of the salaries of executives of companies that get taxpayer funded bailouts. One CEO responded: "When I first heard Clement say that, I laughed so hard I nearly missed a board meeting. I had to have my secretary continue laughing for me so I could attend!"
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=47ghccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f87-a2bb4ce6a528]
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Humpty Dumpty Lexicography, The Criminal Version
Six people are under arrest after gun-wielding robbers mentally and physically tortured residents during a series of home invasions.
"They didn't torture anybody," claimed Henrik Booobo, lawyer for the accused. "They employed 'enhanced interrogation techniques' in order to 'achieve their advanced objectives.'"
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591658813&cal
l_pageid=968335448492&col=966668972154]
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She Also...Revived Democracy In Her Country...Or Something...
Former Philippine President Corazon Aquino has died at the age of 76. She was most famous for being the Philippine leader who didn't have a closet full of shoes.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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We Don't Kiss And Nortel
The Globe and Mail talks about Canada's race for a high tech strategy, seemingly unaware that the government has a high tech strategy. It involves five steps:
1. Encourage corporations that develop new technologies.It may not seem like much, but it's gotten us where we are today.
SOURCE: Canada: Still A Country?
[http://www.irritationnation.ca/whattolookat.asp?ID=278476274-7/]
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Humpty Dumpty Lexicography, The Media Version
Barack Obama is a racist. You heard right. A racist. By racist, of course I mean any coloured...any coloured who challenges white supremacy. Sonia Sotomayor - you know, I don't care how qualified she is. Sonia Sotomayor taking the place of a qualified white man on the Supreme Court? Racist. The Latino family having more kids than their white neighbours, eventually pushing...pushing whites into the minority in this country? Racist. Barack Obama simply existing? Racist. I know this isn't the standard definition of the word. But, it will be. It will be...
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_092507/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Vaneglorious Directer
As far as I can tell, Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds is fundamentally a remake of Kill Bill, with several Jews taking on the role of revenge seeker first played by Uma Thurman. Fair enough. Jews have had worse roles in movies. However, what I have difficulty forgiving is the title's implication that Jews, the People of the Book, are illiterate!
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0708350/]
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Does KEITH OLBERMANN Know About This?
So, my boss, Rupert Murdoch, made a deal with General Electric, the owner of MSNBC, that I should end my on-air feud with Keith Olbermann. Okay. I'll stop mentioning Keith Olbermann on my show. It only gives Keith Olbermann a ratings boost when I do, and, lord knows, I have no desire to help Keith Olbermann in any way, shape or form. In fact, the world would be a much better place if Keith Olber - what? No. I was told not mention Keith Olbermann by name, and I'm just explaining to the viewers why I'm not going to mention Keith Olbermann by name. What's the problem?
SOURCE: The O'Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2933,96207,00.html]
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At Least She Didn't Confuse It With Heath Ledger Care Reform
What's all this I hear about heath care reform? Why would we need to reform a dwarf-shrub habitat found on mainly infertile acidic soils? You know, a place characterized by open, low growing woody vegetation, often dominated by plants of the Ericaceae? And, how do you reform it, anyway? Do you give it incentives to become less dry? Do you hold classes in species diversity? I hardly think that's going to - what? WHAT? WHAT? Health care reform? Not heath care reform? Really? Oh. That's kind of important, isn't it?
Never mind.
SOURCE: The Emily Litella Remembered Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/EmilyRemembered]
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When It Comes To Reporting, He Who Has A Taitz Is Lost
A document circulating over the Internet purports to be President Barack Obama's Kenyan birth certificate. There are some problems with the document, however, the most pressing of which is that it appears to have been written in crayon.
"It's purple crayon," claimed Orly Taitz, something that sounds like I made it up but which is the really and truly actual name of the leader of the so-called birther movement. You know: the bunch of crazies that questions President Obama's legitimacy to run the country by questioning his place of birth. "Purple, that's a regal colour, right? Besides, it's Africa. You don't expect real printing from those people, do you?"
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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And, Speaking Of The Birther Loon's Haunting Call...
MIKE STARK: Do you believe that the United States is a democracy?
REPRESENTATIVE JEAN SCHMIDT: I'd love to talk to you, but I'm running late. You know, I've gotta go. I wish I could talk to you right now, but I'm on my way to an important meeting. Make an appointment with my office, and we'll talk about it.
MIKE STARK: There's been a lot in the news about America's political culture - do you believe America is a democracy?
REPRESENTATIVE NATHAN DEAL: I have no idea what political system we live under. The best way to do it would be to produce the Declaration of Independence and that would be the end of it.
MIKE STARK: What do you believe?
REPRESENTATIVE CATHY MCMORRIS RODGERS: I'd like to see the documents.
MIKE STARK: It's a simple, obvious proposition, isn't it? That the United States is a democracy?
REPRESENTATIVE ROY BLOUNT: What I don't know is why nobody can produce a Bill of Rights. I don't know any other country that can't produce one. And, I think that's a legitimate question.
REPRESENTATIVE CHARLES BOUSTANY: It's certainly being looked at.
MIKE STARK: What do you personally believe? Do you think there's a question, here?
REPRESENTATIVE CHARLES BOUSTANY: I think there are questions, here. We'll have to see.
SOURCE: YahooTube
[http://www.yahootube.com/watch?v=5gN-rxJFvJ8&feature=related]
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