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Enjoy,If I May Be Frank, He's The Frank I Would Want To Be
So, President Bush and President Clinton are talking together in Toronto. Hunh. Toronto - that's somewhere in...Tanzania, isn't it? No - no, it's okay, they're not booing. They're saying "moooooooooose meat." Moose meat. Yeah. Apparently, that's a delicacy in Toronto. Wherever it may be.
Anyhoo, the speaking engagement doesn't seem to have been coordinated very well. Bush supporters are selling "Burnishing the Legacy Tour 2009" t-shirts. You know they went all out on them, too - gold trim and everything. Of course, the shirts sell for $10,000 apiece, $50,000 for a table of six. Clinton supporters, on the other hand, are selling "We're only in it for the money 2009 Wherever Tour" t-shirts. Un hunh. And, you know they mean it, too. They're so cheap they wouldn't even pay somebody for an original slogan - they had to steal one from Frank Zappa.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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16:35. @kcna_dprk, Shrink Says I Have Aggression Issues. We'll See What He Says After I Have Him Brought In By The Secret Police
Kim Jong-Il Tweets:
12:37. @kcna_dprk, Had lunch. Salmon. It wasn't fresh.
13:12. @kcna_dprk, Talked to Bob. He's having trouble getting over Sue. I hope I cheered him up a little.
14:30. @kcna_dprk, Tested nuclear weapon. It worked.
15:25. @kcna_dprk, Watching The OC. It's not as good as the original, but it does have its entertaining moments.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/10809638286024705379463748648263cahs01.html]
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The Network Can Stop Sending Me Lawyer's Letters...Really...Any Time Now...
Executives at CTV have complained that my assessment last week that "third rate knock-offs of formulaic American TV series really shouldn't be considered as fulfillment of Canadian content requirements" was too harsh. I stand corrected. What I should have written was: second rate knock-offs of formulaic American TV series really shouldn't be considered as fulfillment of Canadian content requirements.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Miss, Leading
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stated in a press conference that the CIA briefed her in 2002 that it was not using waterboarding, even though it had. She has essentially accused the CIA of lying to Congress. Lying to Congress! How dare she! Is it really credible that an organization known for disseminating false information throughout the world to further its ends would lie to Congress? I think not!
Public outrage at Pelosi is building to fever proportions. Here are just some of the comments that we have taken over the phone:
"Nancy Who?"
"Nancy Pilates? Does she have something to do with the government?"
"Yeah, Rush. I hate Nancy Pelosi with an undying passion that will survive the heat death of the universe. Remind me, again, of why?"
The people have spoken, Madame Speaker. It's time for you to go!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_042909/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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The Hobgoblins Of Foolish Consistency Have Pitchforks
You're probably wondering why, if the Tamil Tigers are a terrorist organization, we haven't arrested all of the Tamil street protesters and thrown them in a deep, dark cell without charges. That's a good question. The obvious answer is...umm...well, you see...if we - if we did that...we...err...
I hope that's now clear.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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History Repeats Itself: Once As Poetry And Once As Farce
For The Good of the Party Country
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/268.html]
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Nothing's Carved In Stone - It Just Wasn't His Medium
Architect Arthur Erickson has died. He will be buried beneath 10 tons of concrete that nevertheless will look perfectly harmonious with its environment.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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That's All Water Under The Board Now
LAMANCHUK: So, WLS-AM morning man Erich "Mancow" Muller agreed to be waterboarded.
ROVERSIDE: Why do they call him Mancow?
LAMANCHUK: I could speculate, but I'm sure the truth is more disgusting than anything I could come up with.
ROVERSIDE: And, that's saying something, cause your taste runs to the disgusting.
LAMANCHUK: Case in point: what I'm imagining doing to you right now.
ROVERSIDE: I'm honoured.
LAMANCHUK: You're something. Anyway, you know how long Mancow lasted?
ROVERSIDE: Six seconds.
LAMANCHUK: Have you been reading ahead in the script again?
ROVERSIDE: I heard it on Olbermann last night. (beat) Wait - we have a script?
LAMANCHUK: Pussy. Everybody knows waterboarding isn't torture. If it had been me under the water, I could have lasted 10...11...maybe even 12 seconds.
ROVERSIDE: So, when are we going to do it?
LAMANCHUK: Do it?
ROVERSIDE: When will you be waterboarded?
LAMANCHUK: Are you insane? I'm just saying! I'm not actually going to go volunteer to be waterboarded! I've got an old football injury in my groin!
ROVERSIDE: Really? I didn't know. I...I don't get a script.
LAMANCHUK: If you're so eager, why don't you agree to have it done to you?
ROVERSIDE: Are you kidding? They would have to waterboard me just to convince me to let them waterboard me!
LAMANCHUCK: Wow, Dick. That was so stupid, it almost makes sense.
ROVERSIDE: Thank you.
SOURCE: C-DIK - Big Dick Radio
[http://www.edgy095.com/]
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