The Daily Me – Irina Ginsburg

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The Daily Me Staff

We're Sorry, You Scum-sucking Piece Of Shit

The first draft of the New York Post apology for running a racist editorial cartoon:

What, are you kidding us with this protest shit? We were making fun of that chimpanzee getting shot by police in Connecticut – if anybody should protest, it should be the ASPCA! Not that they should start! We've gotten enough grief, thank you very much, over something that wasn't intended to be offensive. A thousand people were involved with the creation of the stimulus bill, but just because the United States has a history of equating black people with monkeys and the president is black everybody assumes we intended the dead monkey to represent Barack Obama! That's real racism for you!

But, uhh, yeah, okay, some people were offended by the cartoon. We certainly didn't intend for that to happen. Heaven forbid an editorial cartoon should ever offend anybody! So, if you were offended, we're sorry. Except if you're one of those lily-livered liberal pussies who spend all day looking for things to be offended by, in which case we take back our apology. You don't deserve it. Others who don't deserve an apology: the NAACP, the whole candy-assed political establishment of this city, the communist media of this country and Al Sharpton. Especially Al Sharpton.

SOURCE: The Smoking Gut

[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382802475379463748648cahs01.html]
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Republicans Kill Me – FIGURATIVELY! I MEANT IT FIGURATIVELY!

2 cute 4 words) If the lawyer for a mob boss on trial for ordering the torture and murder of his rivals tried to defend him on the grounds that the mob boss' counsel had given him the opinion that such actions would be legal, how quickly would the defense be laughed out of court? a) at speeds approaching that of light
b) faster than a murdered lover's sigh
c) you know, once you've established the principle of laughter, the speed at which it comes is really kind of irrelevant

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Before There Was Ho'town, There Was Motown

Estelle Bennett, a singer with the Ronettes, has died at the age of 67. Everybody who was her baby mourns their loss.

SOURCE: Obits 'R Us

[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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It's Good To Have Standards, But...

A plane has crashed in Vancouver, killing all 49 passengers, as well as 12 people having a quiet family dinner in their home on the ground. Of course, if the pilot had been more on the ball, he would have ditched the plane in New York's Hudson River, saving everybody's lives.

SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2009/02/12/506737.html]
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[TWEET] Justice!

So, you're like, driving your mom's car and a cop pulls you over. He's all in your face with, like, can I see your driver's licence and registration please? And, you're like, what. Ever. You've got your Blackberry out and you're tweeting all your friends about the incident while the officer is going on about reckless driving and menace to the public and would you please come with him down to the station and, like, you know your mom's gonna kill you when she finds out, but he is a law enforcement agent so you kinda have to do what he says.

In the courtroom, your lawyer is all, whatever. Translated into legalese, he's saying this is a minor offence and you should be given a fine and sent on your way. But, the judge is all in his face about public safety and sentences you to six months in prison, because, like, the company that runs the prison is sooooooo paying him to send them as many prisoners as he can so, like, they can make tons of money. Quelle bummer!

And, yeah, okay, like, you learned a valuable lesson from this. You learned not to live in Pennsylvania. And, if you have to live in Pennsylvania, you learned never to come before Judge Mark Ciavarella or Judge Michael Conahan

So. You've been railroaded and are now spending time in a juvenile facility because of a corrupt judge. What's a good look for you?

SOURCE: Teen Persons

[http://www.teenpersonsmag.com/personal/thelook/jailface.shtml]
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Yeah, Yeah, Young And Stupid – We Get It

Spare the A-Rod...

I'm here to take my medicine.
In the years 2001, 2002 and 2003
I experimented with a banned substance
experimented with a banned substance
experimented with a banned substance
I experimented with a banned substance
that eventually triggered a positive test.

I'm not sure what the benefit of it was.

I blame myself.
It was pretty evident we didn't know what we were doing.
I knew we weren't taking Tic Tacs.
When you are in denial and you're not being honest with yourself it's hard to be honest with Katie.
I will say '06 was a blood test and next week was another blood test. That's as good as it gets.

In the streets it's known as "boli."

When I entered the pros, I was a young kid in the major leagues
I was 18 years old right out of high school
I was young. I was 24, 25 years old
I guess when you are young and stupid you are young and stupid.
I keep going back to - I entered the game when I was 18
I wish I knew. I was 24, 25. I was pretty naive and pretty young.
That's part of being young and stupid.
When you are 24, 25 there are a lot of things you don't tell a lot of people, not just that.

We probably didn't even take it right.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/257.html]
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