Thank you, Berthe Trepat, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Okay, look, we were going to make a thong joke at your expense because...well, because that's what we've been doing lately. It's a scorpion/frog/river thing. But Jackie in admin took cough medicine and spent the next 15 minutes hacking so bad his face turned red and he nearly passed out from lack of oxygen to his brain. IN WHAT KIND OF A UNIVERSE DOES THAT HAPPEN?
Enjoy,The Princess And The Pea Brain
PRIME MINISTER: Prorogue Parliament.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: No.
PRIME MINISTER: Please prorogue Parliament.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: No.
PRIME MINISTER: Pretty please prorogue Parliament.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: No.
PRIME MINISTER: You know I will make your life extremely difficult if you don't prorogue Parliament.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: What?
PRIME MINISTER: Please prorogue Parliament? For me?
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: No.
[two hours later]
PRIME MINISTER: Come on. Prorogue Parliament. For the children.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: Getting weak...must fight feeling...
PRIME MINISTER: Don't fight it. Prorogue Parliament. You know you want to.
GOVERNOR-GENERAL: Can't...hold...out. Okay. I will. I will prorogue Parliament.
PRIME MINISTER: YEEEEEEEEEES!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Noxious Emissions Strangle Senators' Brains
The CEOs of America's big three auto companies have agreed to accept a salary of a single dollar next year. Some would say that even at that they would be overcompensated. We prefer to say that...uhh...well, we would have preferred to say something clever, but our writers couldn't come up with anything, so...overcompensated. Yeah. There's a lot of that about.
Could the big three also be the kiss of death? General Motors, who advertised by paying for the placement of two of its latest models in the show My Own Worst Enemy, must have been dismayed when the series was cancelled after only four episodes. Now, executives from the major networks are always in meetings when GM ad reps call, and they cross the sidewalk when they see GM ad reps walking towards them.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2008/2008/11/13/theirownworstenemy/]
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To Be Fair, He Was There When The Word First Received That Meaning
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that, as of its next edition, the word "maverick" will be designated as "archaic." "When John McCain referred to himself as a maverick during the Presidential campaign," explained OED Managing Editor Michael Proffitt, "the word lost all meaning. Sad, really."
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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In Fact, Canadian Politics Are So Confident, They Misspell Common Words
Whoa! Look who opened a lab for genetic research and developed a spine! A week ago, he was the worst leader the Liberal Party ever had; a week from now, he could be Prime Minister of Canada! Go, Stephane, go!
And, how about that pro rogue, Stephen Harper? Gonna prorogue Parliament to buy your party some more time? Ain't gonna help. You crossed a line with the whole "let's stop their public subsidies – that'll show the opposition who's boss!" gambit. Well, who's the boss now, hunh? (HINT: the guy who shouts in Parliament that his opponents are "treasonous" isn't showing great leadership skills.)
Whose politics are more interesting, now? Hunh? HUNH? In your face, Barack Obama! Canadian politics rulez!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Greenwashing Not Their Favourite Colour
All of a sudden, major oil companies are advertising their commitment to the environment. Are they for real?
BP – not so much Beyond Petroleum as Bullying Petroleum. This is the company that had to shut down a refinery in Alaska because it had spilled over one million litres of oil in the State. Oh, yeah. They're green as the driven slush. Since branding itself an environmentally sound corporation in 1997, BP was fined $1.7 million for burning polluted gases at its Ohio refinery. I'm sure the kids in gas masks thanked them.
Shell Oil loves pristine nature? Please! Shell has been destroying wildlife habitats – and indigenous populations – in places like Nigeria and Peru for over a decade. And, why not? You don't miss species you never knew existed. And, as for those pesky aboriginals, well, they really need to get with the 21st century, and poisoning the air they breath and water they drink is good incentive.
ExxonMobil wants you to believe that they're good for the environment? This is the company that never met an animal it didn't think looked better covered in oil? They also have a track record of buying politi – sorry, I meant funding politicians who oppose international environmental agreements like the Kyoto Accord. And, ExxonMobil wants you to believe they're an environmental Mother Teresa?
At Hunt, we say f*ck the environment. It's not our problem. You want your car to get you to work? Buy our gasoline. You want to heat your home? Buy our natural gas. You want to save polar bears from global warming? Go live in a f*cking forest, surviving on a diet of nuts and berries, and just see if Greenpeace gives a shit about you when you try to pay off your donation to them in palm leaves.
Hunt Oil and Natural GasSOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1056952607]
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Remember: There Are Two "Yous" In Usurp
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Professional Admiration Has Limits
TONY SOPRANO: Let me get this straight. The goombahs on Wall Street who wrecked the economy are getting hundreds of billions of dollars?
SILVIO DANTE: It would seem that way.
TONY: With no strings?
SILVIO: Absolutely none.
TONY: They were supposed to be using the money to help people keep their homes, but, instead, they're using it to buy up smaller banks, give their shareholders big dividends and give their CEOs big bonuses?
SILVIO: That is the word on the Street.
TONY: And, these bosses, these CEO [BLEEP]suckers don't even have the decency to say, "Thank you?"
SILVIO: What can I say? The world...is an unfair place.
TONY: You're telling me? WE'RE IN THE WRONG [BLEEP]ING BUSINESS!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/achasecase.shtml]
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