Thank you, 411Inkjets, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. You know, you try to put out a classy, quality product, and what thanks do you get? Your employees sabotage you in postings to 23,498 of your customers. I thought I could fire them and hire illegal immigrants from Belgium, but the company's lawyers nixed that idea, not to mention our in-house demographer, who pointed out that there really aren't a lot of illegal immigrants from Belgium in this country. So, this, too, must Ned Feeblish bear.
Enjoy,Let's See...They Both Enjoy Monkey Business...
Q: What is the difference between Karl Rove and a monkey?
A: When the monkey flings shit, it doesn't care if the shit sticks.
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=595&dir=bb]
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Stonewall Is Embarrassed That The Family Has Come To This
An appeals court has overturned a Federal Communications Commission fine against CBS for airing a Superbowl half-time show in which Janet Jackson bared her breast for less than a second.
Has the appeals court not been paying attention? Abu Ghraib! Torture at Guantanamo Bay! The housing crisis! Oil prices going through the roof! The value of the American dollar plummeting! Warrantless wiretapping! Crime rates rising, homeless numbers growing and kids talking back to their parents with impunity! If the appeals court had taken any notice of the devastating effects of Janet Jackson's televised nudity on the country, it might have upheld the harsher, more appropriate verdict!
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2008/2008/07/23/planetjanet/]
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How Do You Feel About Not Sending Troops To Iraq Now, Hunh? Not So Smug Now, Are Ya?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1374483068]
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Ritalin - Not Just For Children Any More
WALL-E is a great movie. Very entertaining. If I have one criticism, it's the adults I had to watch it with.
I mean, you pay for your kid's ticket and your kid's combo, and then you settle in to watch a movie, when, all around you, these...older people are whooping it up every time WALL-E flops about in space or makes goo goo goggles at EVE. And, I'm not even going to talk about all the cheering when the plant is finally recognized by the ship. That was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life - and I'm 12. Embarrassment is my natural state.
Really. Mom. Dad. If you can't give a movie the respect it deserves, next time I'm going to leave you in the food court.
SOURCE: Kids Net For Kids
[http://kn4k.arg/activities/reviews/walle.html]
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Then, They Sell Repression Back To Us At Half The Price
The Chinese government has announced that it will allow protests to go on during the Beijing Olympics. Those who wish to protest have to apply to the government for a permit; if they get it, they will be assigned places in "protest pens" far away from the actual games.
"We got the idea from the Americans," a high-ranking Chinese official stated. "Of course, we have improved on the American model: when the Games are over, we won't allow our protestors out of the pens!"
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23BADWOLFPQFIQMFSM5AVCBQ0JC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21513]
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The Silver Lining In The Big, Black Mushroom Cloud
President George W. Bush's approval ratings have sunk to an all time low, with 80 per cent of the American people claiming the United States is moving in the wrong direction. "See," the President responded, "I really am a uniter, not a divider."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2008Jul20.html]
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Not Even Netherlanders
Who are you calling asshole, asshole? In case you hadn't noticed, nobody gives a shit about Bay of Pigs conspiracy theories any more - we?ve moved on, gramps. You know why the MSM - sorry, Mainstream Media - didn't want to lose you with my modern terms - you know why they don't cover what we discover in the conspiracy community? Because of ancient bastards like you who won't give up conspiracy theories about the Peace of Fucking Westphalia! Do you think that anybody really cares that the Netherlands got a raw deal? Oh, man, why don't you give it a rest?
SOURCE: Gerald's Next To Penultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoregeraldatyourperil.com/conspiracy2311.html]
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But, Where Is The "Ewwww?" It'll Never Work Without The Ewwww!
Marketing to children is easy.
"New and improved Yuck! Now with 27% more 'Gross' and the most 'Ick' that the FDA will allow us to use!"
Then, drive the point home by telling them that their parents will hate your product and don't want them to have it, and watch your sales soar!
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1246952603]
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When Did The Republicans Become A Party Of Heathers?
The Republican Party is acting towards the relationship between Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama and the press like the spoiled rich brat who whines that the girl from the wrong side of the tracks is getting all the attention at the prom. Just because she's smarter, better looking and more compassionate. Life is so unfair!
Now, you might think that an appropriate Republican response would be to make their candidate more attractive. You probably thought the rich brat should become Prom Queen by becoming a better person, too. Did you know that Iraq and Pakistan shared a border? Or, that Czechoslovakia still exists? Or, that Vladimir Putin is the president of Germany?
With respect to the spoiled brat, there ain't enough mascara in the world to make that pig beautiful.
So, the Republicans have decided to do what every rich brat does when she doesn't get her way: get mean. It put a video on the Internet mocking the media's relationship with Obama, just as a rich brat would start a rumour that a good girl is a slut to break up her relationship with her boyfriend. And, of course, it will continue to use conservative commentators throughout the media to spread misinformation (about Obama being a Muslim, for instance) about him, the way a rich brat gets the members of her posse to do her dirty work while she appears above it all.
It would be pathetic, really, if the fate of the world didn't hang in the balance.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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