Thank you, Raisa Detre, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. You know how, hee hee, you mean to send an email to one friend and, by mistake, you send it to 173,268 instead? Well, that's sort of what happened last week, only stupider. Way, way stupider. Anyway, we have disciplined those involved (rest assured that they will never be able to listen to a Celine Dion song in the future without tightly clenching their sphincters), and expect that it will never happen again. Probably. Hopefully.
Enjoy,I Am Poodle, Hear Me Roar
When Prime Minister Stephen Harper says "Yip, yap, yippie yap yippie," is he saying, "Mr. Khadr is accused of very serious things. There is a legal process in the United States... Frankly, we do not have a real alternative to that process to get to the truth about those accusations." Or would that statement be "Yip, yap, yappie yip yappie yap?"
Canadian politics can be confusing. That's why you need the Poodle to Standard English Dictionary, First Edition. It will help you understand the fundamental difference between the basic yip of support for the American war in Iraq to the basic yap of support for an American strike against Iran. And, of course, there are the various degrees of whining - from fairer trade to support for international initiatives supported by Canada - that are so essential for a lap dog to get the political attention of its master.
Get your copy of the Poodle to Standard English Dictionary, First Edition today. It will help you understand why this country is going to the dogs.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/79^.htm]
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Zogby - Wasn't He The Sidekick To A Bond Villain?
According to a Workplace Democracy Association/Zogby Interactive survey, 25 per cent of Americans compared their workplace to a dictatorship. Really? One in four? I find that number incredibly hard to believe.
The other 75 per cent must be working so hard that they just don't notice.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=42ddaad7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a598]
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To Be Honest, Despite Your Firm Belief In Elves, You Never Had A Chance
POSITION: Chief of Defense of Canada's Armed Forces. Must have a keen understanding of military tactics, be willing to lead men into battle and stay the course when things get rough, and have a strong and unwavering belief in elves, tooth fairies and the infallibility of politicians.
UPDATE: The position has been filled by General Walter Natynczyk.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/041954.qrhtml]
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Is It Socially Acceptable To Speak Ironically Of The Dead?
William F. Buckley has died. I have been taught that if you don't have anything good to say about somebody, you shouldn't say anything at all, and, especially, that you should never speak ill of the dead.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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The Province Discovers Electricity - How 19th Century!
Is it just me, or does Ontario's trillium logo look like it's been electrocuted?
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Joe Heller Was An Optimist
STEPHEN HARPER: Okay, let me see if I've got this straight. We can't beat the insurgents in Afghanistan if we don't improve the social conditions of the people.
GENERAL HILLIER: That's right.
HARPER: But, we can't improve the social conditions of the people of Afghanistan until we have beaten the insurgents.
HILLIER: Exactly.
HARPER: So, what's the problem? I mean, why haven't we won yet?
HILLIER: *SIGH*
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/hillieronwheels.shtml]
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And, Isn't It Wonderful Of The Government To Give Us A Choice?
Below are some of Canada's rationales for stationing troops in Afghanistan. Can you place them in the order in which they replaced one another?
* to fight cocaine growers[ANSWER: none of them have been renounced by the government, so they are all currently operative.]
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=592&dir=bb]
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No More Snow Jobs
Former Fox commentator and White House spokesman Tony Snow has died of colon cancer. The Truth breathed a long sigh of relief.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Oh, Here We Go...
Mike may not have always been on top of his facts? MIKE MAY NOT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ON TOP OF HIS FUCKING FACTS? Frank, you're such a douchebag. Mike couldn't have been on top of his facts if he had a ten mile tall ladder! Remember when he was convinced that Jim Morison had faked his own death? That one has been thoroughly debunked: if Jim Morrison had faked his own death, don't you think Oliver Stone would have showed it in The Doors? Stop sucking up to Mike, Frank. If he's still around, he's probably having a good laugh at your expense. If he's not, you're wasting your time. Either way, you should try being a man.
SOURCE: Gerald's Next To Penultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoregeraldatyourperil.com/conspiracy2315.html]
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The Alarm Sounds Like...Futility
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1346533895]
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I'm An Optessimist - Confused, And Proud Of It!
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? To find out, simply answer the following question.
When did you lose faith in Barack Obama's ability/desire to change American politics?
1. When he announced his candidacy. [Nihilist]SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=587&dir=bb]
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They Just Wanted To Hear Him Speak In That Funny Duck Voice (An Interrogation Technique Not Forbidden By The Geneva Conventions)
Video from the interrogation of Omar Khadr in Guantanamo Bay has been shown at his trial. The video portrays Khadr admitting that he was Donald Duck, that he hated his nephews Huey, Dewey and Louis and that he had secretly been embezzling from Scrooge McDuck and planned to murder him if the crime was ever revealed.
In interviews, Khadr has said that he was tortured at Guantanamo and would have told his torturers anything they wanted to hear. An investigation is now underway to determine why military interrogators would want to hear that.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1176749530263886.xml]
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