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Enjoy, The Daily Me StaffThe Fickle Pickle
VOTER: You know what’s wrong with the system? Politicians no longer have the guts to tell us the way things really are. They tell us what they think we want to hear. Well, you know what? If some politician just leveled with me, just gave me some credit for being mature enough to hear bad news, I would vote for him in a second.
POLITICIAN: Really?
VOTER: You better believe it!
POLITICIAN: Because, you know, a lot of people say that they would vote for a politician who will level with them, but –
VOTER: Really. I want you to tell me the truth.
POLITICIAN: Are you absolutely sure?
VOTER: Yes. Yes, I hunger for the truth. I lay awake at nights pining for the truth. I absolutely, positively want a politician to give me the whole, unvarnished truth.
POLITICIAN: Well, uhh, okay. Global climate change is real and we’re causing it. If we don’t want to make the earth entirely uninhabitable for our descendants, we are going to have to give up the way we live now. That means giving up our cars and taking public transit, biking or walking. Or, better yet, our cities will have to be redesigned so that people live close to where they work, making transit much less of an issue. Our houses will have to be completely redesigned and we’ll have to do without many of the appliances we now take for granted. Recycling will have to go into overdrive, which will cost you a ton more money. There. I was going to sugar coat it, but you said you could handle the truth. So, do I have your vote?
VOTER: ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE! I WOULDN’T VOTE FOR YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST CANDIDATE IN THE WORLD! I’M GOING TO WARN ALL MY FRIENDS NOT TO VOTE FOR YOU. IN FACT, I MAY JUST GO CAMPAIGN FOR YOUR OPPONENT! COULD YOU PLEASE PUT YOUR HAND ON THE FRAME, THERE, SO I CAN SLAM MY DOOR ON IT?
POLITICIAN: Yeah, I get a lot of that.
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=488&dir=bb]
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Gonzales Is Advised By The Law Firm Of Curly Larry Moe
Why were eight US attorneys fired?
Initially, the Department of Justice claimed that the layoffs were performance related, but those who were laid off had been given excellent performance reviews. Then the federal prosecutors were supposedly let go due to incompetence, although no examples were cited. Then, it was low departmental morale. Then, insubordination. Next will be accusations of wild orgies where none of the US attorneys would share their spliffs with Samuel Alito.
I would ask Attorney General Alberto Gonzales about this shifting rationale, but he says he wasn’t involved in the decisions. No, wait, internal Justice Department memos show that he was.
Jack McCoy would never have let things get this out of hand.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2007-04-01-where-is-matlock-when-you-need-him_x.htm]
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My Myth Take
Just Asking
I know some people will find it unseemlySOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/180.html]
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Popes Say The Darndest Things
MONDAY: Important Lesson of the Week: no matter how much you disbelieve something somebody says, do not respond with “In your dreams” unless you actually know what the person’s dreams are like.
TUESDAY: The woman behind the counter at my local Subway always asks me if I want my sandwich toasted. And, I always say no. Or, nyet. Or, nein. In fact, I’ve said no in 37 different languages. And, it hasn’t made a bit of difference. The woman asks me if I want my sandwich toasted, I say no, and she goes ahead and toasts it anyway! I want to explain to her that in food services, rhetorical questions aren’t really appropriate, but if she doesn’t understand the meaning of a simple word like no…
WEDNESDAY: You know, Hillary Clinton would win the presidency in a landslide if she would just say the three words that every voter wants to hear: Iraq was wrong.
THURSDAY: Somebody told me they couldn’t tell if I was trying to be funny or if I was just being an asshole. And I thought: “I can’t be both?”
FRIDAY: I have a Jewish friend who says that he always tries to break Passover’s kosher rules as soon as he can, because that way he relieves the tension of wondering when he will break them. He says the worst thing is to not break the rules at all, because then he has eight days of worrying. I know there’s something wrong with the logic, here, but it’s not like it’s my religion…
SATURDAY: I have another friend who tells me that some days it’s easier for him to cut the articles out of the newspaper that he doesn’t want to keep. When I suggested to him that there must be a 12 step programme for that, he waved his hand and assured me that if there was, he would have read about it…
SUNDAY: Did the Pope really complain about “the dictatorship of relativism?” I mean, how do relativists become dictators? By passing laws that demand that citizens believe only in what they believe in, and nothing more? By sending police to your house in the middle of the night threatening to throw you into a jail and let you languish for years if you don’t believe in what you believe in? How would they know? I mean, if you believe you believe in something, doesn’t it become what you believe in, even if previously it wasn’t? Somehow?
Besides, relativists just don’t look good in jackboots.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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That’s One Shitty Explanation, Lady
A high school principle in Toronto who threw her feces at a 12 year-old student claims she was trying to make him understand the behaviour of primates. “Can I help it,” Maria Pantalone said, “if today’s youth need to have things shown to them rather than simply explained to them?
“I blame computer games.”
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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