Life is a chaotic soup whose recipe is a constantly changing mix of often unsavoury ingredients, and nobody appears to have a copy of the cookbook (although, god knows, many people claim to). Where can you find somebody to help you through the maze of chicken gumbo and cabbage borscht broths? The Alternate Reality News Service, of course! Our advice columnists are happy to help you navigate the incomprehensible menu of bisques, consommes and chowders to find the meaning at the bottom of your personal soup bowl!