1. Headlines in Their Purest Form
1. Headlines Can Wait
2. Headlines Wouldn’t Have Said It If It Wasn’t (So Hard To Prove Un-) True
3. Read Between the Lines to Get the Answers to These Headlines
4. Headlines Were the Original Smooth Criminal
5. Headlines Would Like to Apologize…To Everybody…For Everything…Ever…
6. Headlines Swallowed Whole Some Ideology That Disagreed With Them
7. Headlines Would Like To Apologize If Anybody Was Offended…At Any Time…By Anything
8. Headlines Had To Go To The Bathroom, So They Missed The Best Part
9. Headlines Headlines Everywhere, But Nary a Pundit Who Thinks
10. Headlines Laughed Last
2. Always Room For One More…In the Basket
11. Clowns to the Left of Me, Deplorables to the Right,
Here I Am, Stuck in False Moral Equivalence with You
12. Deplorable is As Deplorable Does (And Later Denies)
13. The Douchenozzle Sprays From the Right
14. All Are Welcome in The Basket of Deplorables
It Is, After All, Dimensionally Transcendent
15. We Can Do Anything “Normal” People Can Do: Consider Us Deplor-Able!
16. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Deplorableness
17. Deplorable is as Deplorable – Eww!
18. If You Look Around the Basket and You Can’t Identify the Deplorable, You’re Probably Unclear on the Concept
3. The Lowest Forms of Comedy Have the Last Laugh
19. Puns We Love to Hate Thrives on Your Disapproval
20. A Few of My Favourite Things Wasn’t Looking for Anybody’s Approval
21. A Few of My Favourite Things is Afraid It’s About to Lose its Health Insurance…
22. Twitter Would Like to Offer You Some Advice…
23. Puns We Love to Hate Just Can’t Compete With the President for Attention
24. Random Silliness on Twitter Pigeons Sprawling Graciouslessness!
25. Will You Be My FFT (Few of My Favourite Things)?
26. Puns and Twitter Are a Match Made in Heavin’…
4. Headlines Don’t Really Have All the Answers, But They Sure Ask Some Interesting Questions!
27. What Price Headlines?
If You Have to Ask…
28. Do Not Question Headlines’ Authoritah!
29. Question Headlines at Your Peril!
30. That Thing You Do Raising Your Voice At the End of a Sentence – Can Headlines Get in on That?
31. Headlines Have All the Answers if You Have Any of the Questions
5. Quotes Said a Mouthfu – Gurrgle Glug!
32. A Quote Here, A Quote There, And Pretty Soon It Adds Up To A Real Script!
33. Quotes Would Not Be Embarrassed by Anything You Said – The Way You Said it, On the Other Hand…
34. Quotes Were Old Enough to Know Better, But Young Enough Not to Care
35. Forsooth Seems Inadequate to Describe Quotes These Days
We’re At Sixsooth or Sevensooth at the Least!
36. Okay, So We Got Your Quote Wrong. But, On The Bright Side, We Misspelled Your Name, Too!
37. Quotes Heard You the First Time!
38. Quote Me No Quotes, I’ll Quote You No…Umm…Other Quotes…
6. Headlines in Their Impurest Form
39. When Writing Headlines, It’s Important to Choose the Most Apped Word
40. Change for a Five, Or Five for a Change?
41. Headlines Don’t Fear The Reader
42. The War on Headlines Claims Another Victim
43. You Know What They Say: Your App-titude Determines Your Alt-itude
44. Oceans Five (Hey! – Headlines Was on a Budget!)
45. App-ropos to Nothing…
46. Fear the Walking Living
47. Headlines Have Got You Covered Five Ways to Sunday
48. Is There No End To Our Desire For Silly Gadgets? App-arently Not!
7. 20 Questions, 60 Answers, 2 Hands
49. What the Heck Do You Know? Never Asks Questions It Doesn’t Know the Answer To
50. What the Heck Do You Know? Was So Confident in its Knowledge That it Didn’t Even Think to Ask…
51. What the Heck Do You Know? Had Heard Rumours, But…Well, It Didn’t Actually KNOW, You Know?
52. What the Heck Do You Know Doesn’t Like the Tone of Your Voice –
Keep This Up and It Will Have to Ask You to Step Outside!
53. If What the Heck Do You Know? Wanted Your Opinion, It Would Have – Oh, Wait…
54. What the Heck Do You Know? Can’t Believe It’s Spring Already!
55. What the Heck Do You Know? Isn’t Really Interested – It Was Just Asking to be Polite
8. The Lowest Forms of Comedy Have the Last Laugh…Again…
56. My Favourite Things Now Comes in Convenient Capsule Form
57. If You Don’t Get the Cover You Want, You Go With the Cover You Get…
58. But, Puns We Love to Hate Loves You!
59. That’s Not Conceptual, That’s Pomegranate!
60. Cover-t Wisdom
61. Puns We Love to Hate Is Old Enough to Know Better
62. Fake News is Sprinkled With False Facts, But on Twitter You Can Get Them in Their Purest Form
63. My Favourite Things On Twitter Surpassed “Few” a Long Time Ago!
9. Island of Misfit Articles
64. Understanding Anime
65. Snitch Switch
66. The Real Reason Romance is Dead
67. Manafort Destiny
68. Small Hands on Deck!
69. Your Call Is Unfortunate To Us…
70. Klingon for a Day
71. We’re Not Evil – We’re Alt-moral
72. Canada Day, Eh?
73. Speech of the Devil
74. The Trouble With Marty
75. Nothing Gets Across the Great Divide
76. Open Door, Empty Mind
77. Notes To Future Biographers
78. Boy, Does Bigots Without Borders Have Advice For You!
79. The Jury is Still Out
10. Pure Headlines: The Vice so Nice We Had to Chapterize It Twice
80. Headlines Would Rather Laugh Than Cry, But…You Know…
81. Headlines Connected the Dots, But Was Unable To Do Anything About the Line
82. A Headline a Day Keeps the Wolves at Bay
83. But, Uhh, Let’s Not Get Aheadline of Ourselves…
84. Headlines Didn’t Know What They Got Til It Was Gone
85. Headlines Are Beginning to See a Pattern That Explains a Lot
86. Why, In My Day, You Had To Plow Through Thirty Foot High Snow Drifts Just to Get to a Headline…And We Liked It!
87. Headlines Wanted Everybody to Have a Good Time.
Then, Chuck Started to Dance…
88. Who Are You to Tell Headlines Not to Take it Personally?
89. We Have Nothing to Headline But Headlines Themselves!