Is Headlines Having Fun Yet?
They Want More Money Already? "Police ask for help to ID person found dead in April" - Toronto Star "Thanks For The Introduction, But We're Old Friends..." "Hypocrisy, meet Doug…
Blame Game Remains Same [ARNS]
by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Crime Writer Citizens starting to realize that tariffs are raising the cost of their groceries? Blame Mark Kellybellyful. Sunspot activity wreaking havoc with…
The Day Sarah “Lost” Hurwitz
Sarah Hurwitz was once a speechwriter for the Obama administration. She massaged information for a living, making it ooh and aah and think, This is the life! I don't want…
You Can’t See the Fascism For the Fat of the Land [ARNS]
by MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service National Security Writer Bubba Banterdecanter (not his real name, but an amazing lifelike facsimile) had a dream: he wanted to be known as…
If It Wasn’t For TwitterX, Where Would White Rage Go?
Other Than Fox News, I Mean
Okay, And The White House…
Some Of The Wealthiest Places In The World? Who Wants To Be Like...Them? Acyn @Acyn Hannity: America will be doomed if we become New York, and New Jersey, and California,…
The Ronald McDruhitmumpf Emergency Response Team Reads the Email on the Wall [ARNS]
SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE Transcript of a meeting of the Ronald McDruhitmumpf Emergency Response Team, November 14, 2025. Members in attendance: Russell Voughtingisachore, architect of the Heritage…
And the TwitterXs Just Keep On Coming!
"In Fact, I'm Gonna Take The Next Twenty Minutes To Explain To You Just How Unimportant She Is!" The Bulwark @BulwarkOnline Q: "Marjorie Taylor Greene said her life could be…
Military Operation Blows Up
Blows Up Real Good [ARNS]
by MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service War Security Writer The official story is that the Vesampuccerian military blew up a yacht filled with drug dealers (at least seven) off…
The Daily Me – Legitimate Jones
Thank you, Legitimate Jones, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you…
Profiles in Fascism: The Rabbit Hole or the Memory Hole – Why Choose? [ARNS]
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer Fascism is not just about the leaders who make policies and explain to the masses how they benefit from those…
As Spiro Agnew Truly Said, We Must Avoid Listening To the TwitterXing Trolls of Trumpitude
President Diaper Pants Has Thoughts "I Mean, Their Topiaries Look Like They Were Sculpted In Hell. This Modern Landscaping Is Criminal! We Need To Go Back To The Landscaping Of…
President Not Bidenhisbeeswax His Time [ARNS]
by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics/Government Deconstruction Writer Are voters worried that inflation is going to mean that bread costs more than their annual mortgage payments, a…