Professor Blunderson Aids the Cosmetics Industry
I was dreaming a very pleasant dream about winning the Nobel Prize for Obscure Canadian Writers (a relatively new category, to be sure. I was in the middle of a…
Invasion USA – The Real Story
"Men, our country needs you now more than ever..." United States President Ronald Reagan looked through the window of the Oval Office. It was a warm, sunny day. "Gee," the…
Conversations Overheard in a Concert Ticket Lineup
"Oh, man! Do you believe this?" "What's the problem?" "This stupid article I'm reading. It says that today's youth has no respect for anything..." "Today's youth?" "That's us, freak. This…
Canada Farm
Years passed. The seasons came and went, the short Commissioners' lives fled by. A time came when there was no one who remembered the high expectations that came with the…
Sorry, Again, Charlie
Charlie the Tuna was in town last week to promote his latest book, an autobiography called Star-Kist Off. Charlie is no stranger to Toronto, having performed his one fish show,…
Queen’s Park Unicorn Battle
(Special) A man chained himself to a bar in the observer's gallery of Queen's Park yesterday, apparently in protest over the recent revelation that the Ringling Brothers/Barnum and Bailey Circus…
They Saved Hollywood’s Brain
John sat on the edge of the bed, carefully removing a pair of socks. Cynthia, who had been lying on the bed, sat up. "John," she playfully scolded, "are you…
Answers to Questions Most Asked By Mothers
Mother - how can one help but love them? Most of us were born to mothers at one time or another in our lives. Mothers are the folks who help…
A Tale Told by a Schizophrenic
"Tis a tale told by a schizophrenic; full of words and arguments, but signifying indecision." (Shakespeare, after a fashion) I wanted to praise Brian Mulroney for his decision on the…
I Was a teenage Statistic
"Name?" "Anson Peterson." "Good...you're obviously male... Age?" "18." "Fine Citizenship?" "Canadian." "Alright. Are you married, Mr. Peterson?" "No. I'm single." "Fine. And, what's the highest grade of education you've completed?"…
What Are We Teaching Our Children?
Have you ever wondered what our children are learning about the world around them, especially politics? All you have to do to find out is look at some of the…
“Can I Keep It?”
(ITEM: Officials at the Pentagon in the United States claim that as much as $1 billion worth of military hardware vanishes every year. Although some of it is stolen, to…