One Lame Excuse (with SFX)
Andy, sitting in the booth outside the Jack and Ethel Daniels Room, drummed his fingers on the top of the pay phone and summoned up the courage to phone home.…
Everybody’s Doin’ It (Doin’ It, Doin’ It)
Evelyn had been working on the story for over a week, and she was now sure she had enough evidence to file. Corruption in high places! Corruption in low places!…
Mr. Science Loses His Innocence
Mr. Science stood, as usual, in front of the blackboard and behind the table of goodies. Today, the word "earthworm" was written in small, cramped script on the blackboard, and…
Deadline News: On the Local Scene…
Good evening. Our top story tonight: the Security Council of the United Nations, in a unanimous voice, condemned terrorism this past week, saying that it was "naughty and bad." Members…
Scene 8: Year of the Cuts
Curtain up on a typical office. HODGKISS sits behind a desk, looking through some papers. His intercom buzzes. SECRETARY: (on intercom) Mr. Hodgkiss, a Mr. Wingnut is here to see…
The Column of Lists
Five things not to do in front of Deputy Prime Minister Erik Nielson 1) make a joke, especially about Velcro 2) hold a caucus meeting in a room where the…
The Column of Lists 2
Two Prime Ministers who were born blond, whose hair darkened before they were elected and who practically bald when they died 1) Wilfrid Laurier 2) Louis St. Laurent Eight opening…
The Column of Lists 3
Seven TV Guide entries I personally want to see 1) Tuktoyaktuk Vice (NBC). More drugs. More rock stars and radical fashion. More exciting snowmobile chases. Guest songs include "The Mighty…
The Column of Lists 4
Eleven typical Canadian scenes that should be on the back of the new currency 1) chemical spills on the St. Clair River 2) any rowdy Vancouver bar after midnight 3)…
The Column of Lists 5
Seven things you might believe, but shouldn't 1) Imelda Marcos bought 3,000 pairs of shoes as part of a make work campaign to boost the Philippine economy 2) Texas is…
The Column of Lists 6
Seven comic book noises that are obnoxiously grating as video arcade sound effects 1) kaboom! 2) fffffft-zing! 3) ping...ping...ping...ping...ka-powee! 4) theow, theow...the theow! 5) tchka tchka tchka tchka 6) blam…
The Column of Lists 7
Eleven 1960s phenomena it's difficult to get too nostalgic over 1) bell bottom pants 2) Vietnam 3) anything to do with Timothy Leary 4) people who try to use eastern…