Some Kind of Civic Pride
"Harry, what are you doing?" "I'm watching the Blue Jays' season opener. What's it look like?" "It looks like a non-representational painting that moves..." "Very funny, Denise. It's TSN." "The…
Still the Deaver
As usual, June was in the kitchen, scrubbing her pot. There were other dishes and utensils that needed to be cleaned, but it was this one pot that seemed to…
Intimations of Morality
"Hi. My name's Carianne. Do you believe in killing little babies?" a young girl introduced herself to me at my front door. She couldn't have been more than eight years…
Let’s Make a Trade Deal!
One can't help but wonder about a government whose major policy for the economic prosperity of its people depends on the whims of another, far less interested country. If, as…
Scene 7: Dome of the Strange
Curtain up on a dark, run down back alley. Stairs lead up one brick wall, garbage cans line the other. Enter MR. FRUMP, a filthy old man in ragged clothes.…
Ad Hominem Ad Nauseam
Now, Mister Prime Minister, about free trade - "Anybody who is against this government's free trade initiatives with the United States is timorous...timorous and insecure!" Mister Prime Minister, please! I…
As One Country To Another…
"Why does everybody hate me?" Canada and the United States were sharing some late afternoon good cheer at The Forty-ninth Parallel. The talk seemed inconsequential, almost painfully innocuous given the…
An OMA QP Fantasmagoria
Have you ever tried watching a flashback through a funhouse mirror? Thousands of protestors from across Ontario filled the lawn in front of Queen's Park. Banners, buttons and posters were…
Conversations Overheard on Bell Canada’s Special Telephone Services
(EDITOR'S NOTE: The owner, editor, sub-editors, production staff, advertising department, writers, copy persons, secretaries, receptionists and janitorial staff of this publication and their immediate families would like to take this…
The Chartreuse Falcon
SPADE: ...won't be able to get the falcon till daylight, and maybe later. GUTMAN: It strikes me that it'd be best for all concerned if we did not get out…
Election Day of the Dead
Strange and bizarre. Bizarre and strange. Macabre, even. How else can one explain an election in which the candidate favoured to win is dead? The election in question is for…
When Justice Becomes Deaf and Very Dumb
"Excuse me, but, do you speak English?" The courtroom was silent for several seconds. "Parlez-vous le Francais?" More silence. "Spreichen zie Deutsch?" The silence was becoming ominous. Walters, the defence…