Frankly Sex, with Raoul Blackaddar
Dear Raoul, What is safe sex? Curious in Schenectady DEAR CURIOUS: Sex is a filthy, disgusting human urge against which we must constantly fight. Safe sex was originally started as…
Images of Large Grosses Dancing in their Heads
"Harry?" "Mort?" "I got one word for you: angels." "Didn't they finish last in their division last season?" "I'm talking angels, here, Messhugah, not The Angels! You know, with wings…
The Character Thing
"Come in! Come in! Please have a seat Mister...Jesus? Am I pronouncing that right?" "That's right. Jesus of Nazareth. That's me." "As the chair of the Messiah Search Committee of…
Something Worth Celebrating
Welcome to the first annual Smokers' Celebration of Culture! This exciting week of fun-filled activities for the whole family will be devoted to all those arts, sports and other cultural…
One on Every Corner
"Psst. Hey, you. Kid." "Who, me?" "Yeah, you. C'mere. I got something for you." "Uhh, I don't know. My dad always told me not to talk to strangers..." "Very wise…
Only His Programmer Knows For Sure…
Is it just me, or is Bob Dole really a computer masquerading as a Presidential candidate? When you look at some of the statements he has made on the campaign…
Stupidity for Dummies
Chapter 7: Troubleshooting The problem with the modern corporation is that it is so large that it is inevitable, despite your best efforts, that you will have some employees who…
Irrational Economic Man
One of the basic underpinnings of economic theory is the concept of Rational Economic Man, the idea that we all make economic decisions based on logic and reason. According to…
English, Please!
Reginald Scottenbottom, Chairman of the Movement for a Constitutional Amendment Making English the Official Language of the United States (MfaCA -- oh, let's face it, it's not a very memorable…
Man’s New Best Friend
I remember the first time I saw Rover. There were about a dozen dogs in the virtual pound when I telnetted over to check it out. Most of them were…
TV From the Inside Out
Rumours of Ellen Degeneres' character coming out of the closet have been swirling around her eponymous television show for months. Until this week, only her ratings company knew for sure.…
Wearing Their Identities on the Sleeves
"Hi. I'm an upwardly mobile, middle class, heterosexual male who couldn't help but notice you're sitting at the bar alone. I'm of mixed Scottish-South African descent, a unilingual Vancouverite with…