Image IS Everything
FolliTech. FolTech. TechFol. T-Fol. TecFol. FolTec. FollIck. My third Image Consultant in as many weeks suggested that Les Pages aux Folles needed a new name. Something short. Something sleek. Something…
You Want Solutions? We Got Solutions!
Works of social criticism are not considered complete these days unless they contain a chapter of "solutions." This is based, in part, on the mistaken belief that criticizing is easy…
Michael Shapiro is a Genetically Engineered Fountain Pen
ATTENTION: MICHAEL SHAPIRO: We understand that you have recently turned 13 and successfully sang at your bar mitzvah. You are now a fountain pen, and all that. Our Human Resources…
Keeping Up With the Pfizers
Has this ever happened to you? "That...that can't be, doctor." The Patient buttoned up his shirt, stunned. "I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you,"…
I Must Have Missed That Memo…
Bobby Fischer, perhaps the greatest player the game of chess has ever known, thinks I want to destroy his life. Not me personally, you understand. Jews. An international Jewish conspiracy.…
Meaning Doggerel Bag
Toronto The, Uhh, Okay Foreign wars. People with SARS. Cops unhappy with mere cars. Early closing bars. Montreal is from Venus, Toronto Mars. A computer leasing scandal that's gone on…
Impertinent Minds Want To Know More
When oak trees are extinct, will they lose their usefulness as a metaphor for strength? Can fully clothed beautiful people be guilty of indecent underexposure? Why does everything sound sexier…
What’s In a Name?
Spike Lee. Filmmaker. Entrepreneur. Activist. Nuisance lawsuit pursuer. It's a full life. TNN, which was born The Nashville Network and rebranded itself The National Network (appropriate for the cash cow…
New Year’s Resolutions of the Damned
The New Year season is a time of reflection, when we are all called upon to think about the mistakes we made over the past year and resolve to be…
Making a Killing
At Baderham & Warts, we pride ourselves on having an extensive catalogue of the latest in spycraft equipment. However, we must admit that, in one area, we have fallen unfortunately…
Covering, My Ass!
Deconstructing the world 700 words at a time... New year, same old bile... I was calling President George W. Bush a moron long before Francoise Ducros, but do I get…
What the Heck Do You Know? – The Remake
Can't talk - must dash - you know the drill: fill out - throw away - DO NOT SEND TO US! - we'll be out of the office until next…