American Politics Made Simplistic: Book 1: Elections
See George. See George run. Run, George, Run. See George run for President. Run for President, George, run for President. See Al. See Al run. Run, Al, run. See Al…
Decriminalization? High Time!
It's a drug that kills brain cells. Now, it's true that we are born with millions of brain cells with billions of interconnections, but if you kill enough of them,…
The Emperor’s New IQ *
Once upon time there was a boy named Dubya. Dubya's burning ambition was to play funny tricks on his frat brothers. Unfortunately, Dubya grew up and, at the tender age…
Conversations Overheard on a TIPS Line
"Hello?" "Hello?" "Yes?" "Hello?" "Yes, hello." "Hello?" "May I help you?" "Is this the snitch line?" "This is the TIPS line." "Whatever, I want to turn in my husband Frank."…
A Bucketful of Hammers, Indeed
Prime Minister Jean Chretien has announced that he will be eliminating campaign contributions from corporations and labour unions. Most politicians, including Liberals, object to his position on the not unreasonable…
Dr. Gerald Finnerman: Relationship Councilor
Case File 100218: Jean C. and Paul M. "Dat man, 'e 'ate me!" "Now, that simply is not true." Jean C. is the Prime Minister of a middle power nation…
Life in the Echo Chamber
The President looked into the abyss. Deep. Dark. Mysterious. "Hello...?" he tentatively said. "Hello!" said the Washington Post. "Hi!" said CNN. "How ya doin?" said the New York Post. "Greetings,"…
Berlusconi World
"Silvio! Silvio! Silvio!" the crowd outside the courthouse chanted. As the elegant, silver-haired gentleman climbed the steps, the shouting grew and grew, to the point where it seemed it would…
Parenting in the New Millennium
Lee and Pat are in a long-term, committed relationship. Jo and Leslie are in a long-term, committed relationship. From the following evidence, can you tell which couple is gay? Their…
Letters to Missed Manners: The Unwanted Guest Dilemma
DEAR MISSED MANNERS: My country is considering allowing military troops to cross over the border into our country in cases of national emergency (a terrorist attack, for instance, or a…
A Right Royal Pain
"She's been in there a long time, Mindy..." "Three minutes and 27 seconds, Mark..." "You don't think she's having...digestive problems, do you?" "Like, maybe adjusting to Canadian cuisine?" "Exactly." "Not…
Minding Our Ps and Cues
"If anybody asks - which they won't, but just in case they do - you asked us to send our troops to Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and the high north." "But,…