Roller Coaster to Ruin [ARNS]

Roller Coaster to Ruin [ARNS]

by GIDEON GINRACHMANJINJa-VITUS, Alternate Reality News Service Economics Writer Why do people like roller coasters? Is it the rush of wind through their hair, which reminds them of sticking their…
No Salvation in Salvador [ARNS]

No Salvation in Salvador [ARNS]

by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Justice Writer We've all been there. You get up on the wrong side of the bed (these days, there is no right side…
The Littlest Victim [ARNS]

The Littlest Victim [ARNS]

by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Crime Writer The Extreme Court of the United States of Vesampucceri has agreed to hear the case of Miami, Floriware v Eliasmithjones. If…
Fate of Immigrants Up In Air [ARNS]

Fate of Immigrants Up In Air [ARNS]

by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Justice Writer From the air, the world looks like a child's playset. It looks like you could just reach down and pick up…
From Mean Streets to K Street [ARNS]

From Mean Streets to K Street [ARNS]

by MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service National Security Writer For over 50 years, the Federal Bureau of Instigations has put proposed cabinet secretaries through a process known as "vetting."…
Your Call is Unimportant To Us [ARNS]

Your Call is Unimportant To Us [ARNS]

by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics/Government Deconstruction Writer On the campaign trail, candidate Ronald McDruhitmumpf swore up and down (and sideways, and in motions in which he…