Articles – Page 26 – Les Pages Aux Folles

Three Dimensional Chess in a One Dimensional World [ARNS]

by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer Many people (well, pundits, but they're almost like people) believe that incoming President Ronald McDruhitmumpf plays three dimensional chess when,…

Sinecure Qua Non [ARNS]

by DIMSUM AGGLOMERATIZATONALISTICALISM, Alternate Reality News Service International Politics Writer In 1908, Herbert Hooverdachimney appointed a horse named Ringly Dingly Banana Pie to be ambassador to Venezuela. This was an…

Broad Shoulders, Narrow Soldier [ARNS]

by MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service National Security Writer Peter Hedaiggsethative seems to be a decent enough guy. He has broad shoulders. He served in the military - not…

Alien Worms Way Into Washburningdington [ARNS]

by LAURIE NEIDERGAARDEN, Alternate Reality News Service Medical Writer Everybody knows that Robert F. Kennebunkedy, Jr. has a worm in his brain. What is less well known is that the…

Ask the Biz Whiz About the Dope on DOPE [ARNS]

Salaam, Biz Whiz: I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of allowing Elon Threelonemuskateers, the world's richest man, to run an organization, the Department of Political Enfeeblement (DOPE), that…

McDruhitmumpf Decides to Kash in on Justice [ARNS]

SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE As someday it may happen that an enemy must be found, I've got a little list. I've got a little list. Of Deep…

What’s a Little Genocide Among Friends? [ARNS]

by DIMSUM AGGLOMERATIZATONALISTICALISM, Alternate Reality News Service International Politics Writer He wants all of the Jews in the world (even Noam Chomskyeinthuay) to return to Israel, even if they have…

The Roasting of Pete Hedaiggsethative <br />A Comedy (Or Tragedy – Your Call) In Three Acts [ARNS]

The Roasting of Pete Hedaiggsethative
A Comedy (Or Tragedy – Your Call) In Three Acts [ARNS]

by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer ACT ONE A Senate hearing room. Senators and their aids are seated at one end of the room. Facing them…

Downsizing Government All the RAGE [ARNS]

by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service Government Deconstruction Writer You may be forgiven for never having heard the name Curtis Yarmateyayvin; even his relatives look puzzled when he is…

The Greatest Trick [ARNS]

by SASKATCHEWAN KOLONOSCOGRAD, Alternate Reality News Service Religion/Existentialism/Fairy Tale/Philosophy Writer As the world gets darker, I thought it would be a good time to talk about the state of things…

The Trolley Problem Is Easy To Solve When You Have a One Track Mind [ARNS]

by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer It happens in the best of families. It might even happen in yours. As a concerned parent who wants their…

And You Thought Hall Monitors Had Power! [ARNS]

by TAMMY, Alternate Reality Kidz News Service Life is so Unfair Writer When I was first given this assignment, I had no idea what a transgender person was. Timmy said…