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Building Plastic Castles in the Sand [ARNS]

by CORIANDER NEUMANEIMANAYMANEEMAMANN, Alternate Reality News Service Urban Issues Writer When life gives you Legos, make Lego aid. Ron Relation (no...umm...) was walking along Cherry Beach when he stepped on…
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NED Talk [ARNS]

by FRED CHARUNDER-MACHARRUNDEIRA, Alternate Reality News Service Science Writer Ned Feeblish is a man of many hats. For Orange Orangutan Inc. (a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp, "We do adorably…
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Have You Herd? [ARNS]

by TRENT DENTCURRENTEVENTS, Alternate Reality News Service Conspiracies Writer Everything changes. People change. Technologies change. Diapers change. Everything. When society changes, there are always those who resist. They are sometimes…
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The Cure/Disease Dichotomy [ARNS]

by ELIAZAR ORPOISONEDHALLIWELL, Alternate Reality News Service Environment Writer "I mean, take Belgium," Yolo Montefiore proposed. "Would anybody miss it if it was destroyed in a nuclear blast? I mean,…
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When Wonders Consider Ceasing [ARNS]

by NANCY GONGLIKWANYEOHEEEEEEEH, Alternate Reality News Service Technology Writer Will wonders never cease? Perhaps. I am no expert on wonders (I do so prefer bagels), but I am reliably told…
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When History is a Mystery [ARNS]

by MAJUMDER SAKRASHUMINDERATHER, Alternate Reality News Service Education Writer Did you know that the Hudson's Bay Company (HBC) was founded in 1670 by famed British wrestler Dave Bautista? That it…
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AIPAC of Scoundrels [ARNS]

by DIMSUM AGGLOMERATIZATONALISTICALISM, Alternate Reality News Service International Politics Writer By all accounts, Jamaal Bowman-Poole was an exemplary Representative. He was soft-spoken and articulate. He was a passionate advocate for…