The Daily Me – Aaron “Mac” Aroni
Thank you, Aaron "Mac" Aroni, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile…
Profiles in Fascism: The ICES Queen [ARNS]
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer Fascism is not just about the leaders who make policies and explain to the masses how they benefit from those…
Hark, The Bitter Angels Sing!
"We've Been Arresting Legal Observers And Other Activists To Make Sure Nobody Will" Lucas Sanders @LucasSa56947288 Swalwell: I met with a woman who works as a cashier at a grocery…
The Song Remains the Pain [ARNS]
SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE The 49th Parallel Revisited Oh, Ron said to Justin: "I'm bringin' you pain." Justin said, "Man, we gonna do this again?" Ron say,…
Elon Musk Would Like to Sue – Wouldn’t You?
You Think Hashem Is Ruing His "No Takebacksies" Policy On Determining Who Would Be His Chosen People? Suppressed News. @SuppressedNws1 Haredi media figure Yaki Adamker on Israel CH14: "I don't…
Frequently Unasked Questions About Storage Space, The Final Frontier [ARNS]
SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE 1. The government of the United States of Vesampucceri plans on spending half a billion dollars to buy warehouses around the country. What…
The Daily Me – Edward “Underpants” Falloudjian
Thank you, Edward "Underpants” Falloudjian, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile…
Thank You For Your Detention To This Matter [ARNS]
by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Justice Writer One man choked to death on a glove. "Who would try to eat a glove, especially with a jailer's fist still…
Social Media? Please! Fascist Funhouse, More Like!
Stephen Miller Says ICE Detention Is Cheaper Than Day Care President Donald Trump Says The Parents Will Have A Nice Vacation Away From Their Child For A While, And What…
The McDruhitmumpf Administration’s Press Relations Algorithm [ARNS]
SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE 1Are you scheduled to hold a press conference? NO2May as well go for a soda. YES3Do you call on a cackling jackal of…
I Remember When Social Media Really Was Social
No, Grandchild, It’s Only 5:30 – It’s Not Time For Me to Go to Bed!
Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny If You Want To Do Stand-up Comedy, You Really Need To Learn How To Read A Room! Chris Menahan @infolibnews "Remembrance alone is not enough." Danny…
Dealing With a Four Alarm Diaper Fire [ARNS]
by ENGELBERT HUMPERFLAPDOODLEPUSS, Alternate Reality News Service Excrement Writer It started as a typical press availability in the Offal Office. President Ronald McDruhitmumpf was talking faster than a four year-old…