Maybe He Meant “Cut Their Teeth And Turn Tail…”
Or “Gnash Their Teeth And Go Retail…”
“Former lieutenant-general Andrew Leslie has called for the Canadian Forces to cut thousands of jobs since retiring, in order to provide the military with ‘less teeth and more tail.'”
– cutline of a Globe and Mail photograph
“He served as head of land forces from 2006 to 2010, and then became the chief of transformation, working on a report that called for thousands of job cuts in Ottawa in order to provide for ‘more teeth, less tail.'”
– what the Globe and Mail article actually said
Good To See He’s Giving The President The Same Benefit Of Civil Discourse That He Asked His Critics To Give Him
I’d Hate To Think What He Would Write If He Didn’t
“Will these things happen? Of course not. But it sure sounds plausible, doesn’t it?”
– Orson Scott Card, explaining that he didn’t actually mean it when he wrote of a future in which Barack Obama rules as a “Hitler- or Stalin-style dictator” with his own national police force composed of “young out-of-work urban men.” Well, kind of didn’t mean it…
Have You Spoken To Orson Scott Card Recently?
“I like living in a country where a black president elected twice complains about racism.”
– John Nolte, Breitbart.com
You’re Gonna Love The Twenty-five Cent Cardboard Burger!
“The idea is to lure customers through the door with cheaper items”
– industry analyst Andy Brennan on McDonald’s pumpkin-flavoured latte
See, I Would Have Thought Being Convicted On Two Counts Of Fraud And Sentenced To Five Years In Prison Would Have Already Done That
“To revoke my appointment would make a mockery of a unique body of work and diminish its value to Canadians and the world.”
– Garth Drabinsky arguing why he should be allowed to keep his Order of Canada
Because A Strong US Was So Successful?
“Israeli-Palestinian talks will suffer from a weakened U.S.”
– New York Times
And, We’re Not Even Going To Try To Answer Any Of Them
“The July 6 disaster in Quebec raised hard questions about infrastructure, regulation and the failure of rail transport, especially for growing volumes of oil. Les Perreaux followed the tracks to see their conditions and meet the people who live alongside them”
– Globe and Mail
Wait! Has The Ox Been Resurrected?
Tommy Is Obviously More Powerful Than We Thought!
“The Who, from left, Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and the late Keith Moon.”
– photograph cutline, Toronto Star
Whoa! That’s The Pot Calling The Kettle Clownish!
“It’s hard to take you seriously.”
– Anthony Weiner to a British journalist.
Unfortunately, Quebec Would Be Fine With That
“My Canada does not include a Quebec that has government-imposed discrimination against visible minorities.”
– letter in the Globe and Mail
My Favourite Ingredients Are Basil And Just A Pinch Of Economic Despair
“I love cooking, and my favourites are potato soup and roulade.”
– German Chancellor Angela Merkel
And, They Have Really Short Memories!
“In order to be successful you need to be focused on having good personal relationships, focussing on family, and I think it’s helping me here in Scarborough-Guildwood because people here focus on basic things like getting by, mobility and the need for jobs.”
– Adam Giambrone, NDP by-election candidate
True – The Batman Is More Like Hamlet…With Batarangs!
“You know, he’s not playing King Lear. It’s Batman!”
– actor Matt Damon encouraging his friend Ben Affleck after the announcement that he was cast as The Batman gained Syria-level derision
It’s Official: Canada Is Being Ruled By Your Uncool Uncle
“I was given a joint once at a party but I was too drunk to smoke it.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
“We’re Working On More Of A Nagasaki Vibe…”
“The city doesn’t resemble Hiroshima one bit.”
– Fort McMurray radio station programme director Tyler King, responding to musician Neil Young comparing the tar sands city to the nuked city
But, We’re Willing To Be Weak To Stay In Power
“We believe that a strong man is one who prevents war, not one who inflames it.”
– Bashar al-Assad
Putting The Hyper Back In Hyperbole
“As a member of the human race on Planet Earth, you can’t not know about Fifty Shades of Grey.”
– Charlie Hunnam
No, Just Legal
“You don’t need the stamp of the UN for something to be right.”
– Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird
Or, Every Other Day…Or When I Wasn’t On Camera…
“I wouldn’t eat it every day.”
– Mark Wahlberg, in Toronto to promote the opening of Wahlburgers, about the restaurant’s Thanksgiving burger
Nobody Ever Went Broke Underestimating The Patriotism Of The Average American
“Red, white and blue is the new green.”
– marketing guru Alex Bogulsky
But, How Would You Defend Yourself Against Somebody Hopped Up On Caffeine?
“It’s not normal to bring your assault weapon to get a latte”
Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, on Starbucks’ decision to ask Americans not to bring their guns into the coffee shop
Not Bad, Considered How Deds He Was
“Agent Phil Coulson leds an elite, specially skilled team of crime-fighters taking on strange cases around the globe in the new series Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”
– Toronto Star
Proof That…Somebody Has Been Into The 80 Proof
“Tchaikovsky was gay – although it’s true that we don’t love him because of that – but he was a great musician and we all love his music. So what?”
– Russia President Vladimir Putin, explaining why a Russian law against “gay propaganda” does not discriminate against homosexuals
Maybe If You Were Still Working on ENIAC…
“My fear is that if we’re all going to police what we say, maybe we lose that innovation.”
– techie Pax Dickinson explains why sexism is a necessary part of the computer industry
“Don’t Assume You’re Our Target Market,” Advertising Industry Responds
“Don’t assume we’re stupid.”
– Martin, a member of a jury of regular consumers brought in to help judge Applied Arts Magazine‘s advertising awards, offers advice to the marketing industry