I Was Cracking Jokes All Weekend – Was I A Birthday Card?
The Polaris science fiction convention took place on the weekend of July 6 to 8. July 8 happens to be my birthday. You do the math. In planning my approach to the science fiction convention, I did, I must admit, consider playing the birthday card. No, not the one containing cheap sentiments that you buy for 79 cents to avoid having to express how you really feel about a person. The one where I say to potential customers: “You’re not going to buy one of my books? ON MY BIRTHDAY? WHAT KIND OF A HEARTLESS BASTARD ARE YOU?“
Fortunately, sales were so good this year that I didn’t have to do that. How good? I sold all three books in the Alternate Reality News Service series to a man in a “Don’t Panic” t-shirt before I even opened the table on Sunday morning. I didn’t need to panic.
He Was An American, So I Guess We Have To Make Allowances…
On a panel on “Communicating on the Internet,” one of my fellow panellist’s opening remarks were on how he could get the personal information of anybody in the room in less than two minutes – he had been a hacker in a previous life – he had ways. The first time he said this, we all nodded, agreeing that his advice to be careful was sage. By the sixth or seventh time he said this, we were all huddled under our chairs, a bonfire of electronic devices in the middle of the room keeping us warm.
Who says science fiction conventions aren’t educational?
Pity the poor panel attendees who do not know the horrors that are to come. I could have shown you an “after” picture, but I really wanted this column to have a PG rating.
Armed And Strangerous
One of the highlights of any science fiction convention, is, of course, the weapons. This year’s Polaris was no exception.
Big gun.
Bigger gun.
Biggest gun. It’s like Sesame Street, really, except without the felt allergies.
Nothing expresses post-apocalyptic chic quite like a crossbow.
As far as I’m concerned, if this woman wants the last buttered scone on the plate, she can have it!
Oh, You Know You’d Love If It Happened To You!
I was on a panel about “The Singularity,” where we ended up talking a lot about artificial intelligence. An older gentleman sitting in the front row offered a lot of useful, interesting information, including one gem that was prefaced, “I was talking to Marvin Minsky one day, and he said…”
Of course he did. Because the person in the front row was Author Guest of Honour Norman Spinrad.
I asked Spinrad if he would be so kind as to pose for a photograph holding one of my books (I do that); he graciously agreed (world famous authors do that). He seemed far more interested in a sheet I had brought with me that detailed the snakes of Ontario, so I gave him a copy of that, too. I try to be gracious about such things…
Pity poor Norman Spinrad! Oh, the indignities visited upon famous authors at science fiction conventions!
Apparently, The Way To A Man’s Heart Is To Give Him High Cholesterol Foods That Will Destroy It – Who Knew?
On Saturday, one of the volunteers at the convention brought heavenly miniature chocolate brownies that she had made herself and she brought enough to share with the whole class! I swear, if she wasn’t one fiftieth my age, I would have fallen in love with her on the spot!
Terry Pratchett Doing Magic Tricks? I Would Pay Good Money To See That!
Rumours that things would be different at next year’s con were rife at Polaris. Rank the following rumours in order of most likely to least likely to happen:
- the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation will appear…for five minutes…for a brief detour on their way to Comic Con…
- James Cameron will premier two seconds of footage from a promo for the pre-trailer of the trailer for the final Avatar sequel
- the science fiction convention will be replaced by an academic conference on the representation of Tolkein’s ents in popular culture
- people in the costumes of Avengers you’ve never heard of (most of whom appeared in one issue of the comic book and were immediately killed off) will circulate among fans
- two words: topless Klingon karaoke!
Preheat Oven To 975 Degrees, Brush With Greatness, Cook For 37 Seconds Or Until Burnt To A Crisp To Taste
Who had the bigger brush with greatness?
While I was in a panel on Saturday afternoon, my sister and nephew sat at my table. That just happened to be the time Wil Wheaton walked past the table; apparently, my nephew told him how much he liked Wheaton’s appearances on The Big Bang Theory. The next day, Wheaton walked past the table while I was there and almost looked at me.
Let’s call it a draw. No, really, I insist…
Fans Can Be So Fickle. You Knew Wil Wheaton’s Name. I’m Just Sayin…
Oh my gosh, it’s Fargo! You know, umm…Fargo! From Eureka! No, not the old Greek scientist guy running down the street naked and dripping wet! The TV show? Eureka! Umm, yeah, what’s his name…Noel? Norman? Alistair? Okay, who cares what his name is?! It’s freaking Fargo from Eureka! (photo by Lisa Nayman)
Photo Roundup
It was like they came from different universes, and yet they made the relationship work. Mostly by not asking each other what they did at work…
Is that a directional arrow in your pocket or are you just glad to – what? Too obvious?
The truth about Darth Vader’s downtime activities revealed!
Each year, fans worry about the aging science fiction community. And, each year, there is at least one bundle of cuteness to remind us…of how really old we’re getting!
And, Remember: Future Events Are Just Memories We Haven’t Yet Had Implanted In Our Brains By Rekall, Inc.!
All in all, a great time was had. See everybody next year!
Oh, wait…