As former President Bill Clinton once said, “It’s the guns, stupid!” Okay, he never really said that. And even if he had, silly slogans and cutesy catchphrases are in no way helpful when one is trying to educate the public on complex issues of public policy. Still, when contemplating today’s mass shooting, sometimes you just want to slap a deplorable upside the head and shout, “It’s the guns, stupid!” (As opposed to the time when you want to slap a deplorable upside the head and shout, “It’s the woman’s right to choose, stupid!” Or, the time you want to slap a deplorable upside the head and shout, “It’s the coup, stupid!” Honestly, slapping a deplorable upside the head and shouting at it seems like a good strategy on a whole host of political issues. I admire your restraint.)
Fox anchormannequin Laura Ingraham, responding to the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas, suggested “pot psychosis” was the root cause. As everybody knows, pot psychosis is the blind rage people experience when the base of one of their plants breaks through their pots, destroying months of carefully planned horticulture. Talk about a root cause! The documentation on – what? That’s not – what? Pot as in marijuana? Ingraham is arguing that legalizing marijuana results in mass shootings? Really?
What has she been smoking? There are no documented cases of marijuana being the main causal factor in a mass shooting. The main causal factor in finding the meaning of life in the veins in the back of your hand? Absolutely. The main causal factor in soaring potato chip industry profits? No doubt. The main causal factor in uncontrollable giggling for no discernible reason? You bet! But mass shootings? Honestly, where can I get some of what Ingraham was smoking?
Meanwhile, Fox anchoranus Tucker Carlson said to Ingraham, “I’ll see your drugs and raise you…women!” Responding to the mass shooting at a Fourth of July parade held in Highland Park, Illinois, Carlson started out in agreement with her, talking about the psychotropic drugs given out like candy by councillors in high schools. (I was born too early! When I was in high school, councillors gave out candy like it was psychotropic drugs!)
Then…then he went so far off the rails that he landed on a planet that had no train service. You see, women are to blame for mass shootings. If only they wouldn’t point out that white males are privileged, there would be no mass shootings! If only they wouldn’t insist that white males clean their rooms before they get dinner, there would be no mass shootings! If only they wouldn’t demand that white males stop raping them, there would be no – you get the point. If women would just return to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, there would be no mass shootings.
Fortunately for people who agree with Carlson, the Supreme Court has their backs.
Stuck in the middle was Newsmax’s Greg Kelly, who responded to the Highland Park shooting with either grim determination or gastric distress – he has that kind of face. His explanation for the mass shooting? Antifa. Of course. The shooter had posted virulently racist and antisemitic remarks to online social networks, but that just showed that he was a member of the fa wing of antifa.
Kelly also accused the Highland Park shooter of wearing women’s clothes, even though there is no evidence that he did so. (He might want to talk to Carlson about the whole masculinity thing…) Then, he went on to accuse people on the left generally of wearing women’s clothes. Setting aside, for the moment, that many on the left actually are women (which would make it only slightly weird), there is no evidence that…okay, look. Some of us may have experimented with women’s clothes when we were younger, but that was far better than experimenting with military uniforms.
The point, long kicking around on the right, is that male lefties are effeminate, that they’re not real men. * SIGH * I stopped accusing my enemies of being “sissies” when I was in third grade (Butch Winegar was instrumental in my enlightenment, and all it cost me was lunch money for several months). Apparently, real men avoid military service because their doctor claims they have bone spurs, or use the wealth they were born into to deny their privilege and attack the underprivileged.
Sorry Bill, but in the basket of deplorables, it’s the stupid, stupid!